No Maintenance Required

My thumb hasn't been very green this year...I've barely managed to maintain my yard, which means I haven't spent much time on the flowers this year.

But thankfully, God created perennials for fickle gardeners like me, and I still am able to enjoy wonderful bursts of color in my yard even though I have done nothing.

After hibernating all summer, my mums have opened forth with their beautiful cheery yellow and you just can't help but smile when you look at them.

There's not much in life that doesn't require some kind of maintenance at the least, and more importantly, some TLC. This morning, my mums reminded me that even when I am neglectful, God is still out there doing His thing. Always faithful.

Be Still

I don't think I'll normally blog twice in one day, but since I'm doing this for me, and not really for anyone else, I guess there are no rules and I can do what I feel like.

When downloading some pics today off of my camera, I came across this picture that I had forgotten I had taken this spring. If you look real closely through the branches, you will see a bird sitting on the eggs in her nest. She made her home in my redbud tree, and she was a beautiful bird.You can't zoom in like I was able to, but you can make out the shape of her tail and her head. She stoically and faithfully sat on that nest day in and day out.

Many people would not find this very significant at all...I mean that's what mama birds do, right?

But this bird became a symbol for me this spring.

Spring weather can be brutal....it's warm one day, freezing the next. Storms come through this area very frequently during springtime. The wind can gust quite often.

This bird NEVER left her nest...she was so steadfast and dedicated to protecting her eggs. Now I'm sure at some times during the day, she would have to leave and get food for herself. I never saw it happen, but I'm sure it did. I do feel certain, however, that she was never far from the nest, and probably dined on her seeds or bugs with one eye on that nest at all times.

The reason this bird and her nest became so symbolic to me is that I, too, was going through a season of change. My life became very stormy....the wind would blow so hard, I felt as if my entire family were going to blow away. I questioned God, I questioned myself. Even when I didn't have answers...I could hear (or feel) God's voice telling me to "Be Still". I felt as if He were telling me on a daily basis that I was to trust....to remain steadfast...to protect my nest, and that He would be there for me.

Everything about the bird became symbolic. The branches that gave her cover and refuge symbolized the refuge that prayer gave me. When I turned to God, I felt as if He were wrapping His arms around and keeping me safe.

The sturdiness of her nest became symbolic of the sturdiness of my family. Sure, we were being tossed around by a storm....unsure of what was going to happen next. But I had to trust and believe that we had built a strong and sturdy home...and that in the end, we would be sheltered from the devastation of life's storms. We WOULD go through storms....we all do. And we might experience some loss, but God would be faithful to carry us through the storm.

The ever-changing weather became symbolic of our ever-changing world during that time. There were new emotions, challenges, trials....that seemed like a daily occurence. I was so weary....there were so many times I wanted to give up....but I would look out my window at that bird....sitting....on her nest. The tree might be bending with the wind, but there she sat. She might get soaked in a storm, but there she sat. There were days when the winds would calm and the sun would shine on her....and there she sat. Patiently. Dutifully. Never flinching. She knew what her task was, and she stuck to it.

During this time in my life, I knew that my task was to keep my focus on God. I had alot of issues that I needed to work on...issues that had been buried deep inside, and that were brought to the surface in an abrupt and painful way. I had the task of confronting my insecurities, weaknesses and fears...and I could either let the storm blow me off course, or I could remain steadfast.

I'm not sure where Mama Bird got her perserverance from...but I know where mine came from. It was my Father....pure and simple. He wrapped me up in His love and daily reminded me to just "Be Still". To wait. To allow Him to transform me. To trust. To have faith. To be diligent. To do whatever task He lay before me and to not waiver.

It wasn't easy...it still isn't. But just as Mama Bird got through her task of protecting her eggs, and gave birth to new life, God helped me stay on my task. And I feel as if I was given new life.

I still stumble, I still lose my focus, I still have troubles with insecurities and failures. Amazingly, however, God has this incredible way of bringing me back to Him and back to focusing on the task at hand.

At the present, my focus is firstly on Him and working on myself. I am to continue being diligent and steadfast...and I am to be like Mama Bird was all spring....to just Be Still and Trust.

Reflections

We've had some very beautiful fall days here lately. Which for me, of course, means more time in my hammock.

I find that I am able to "clear my head" when I am outside, and better able to reflect on my own thoughts and feelings.

Yesterday at church, Pastor John gave me some food for thought. He said that we should have each of the following three in our life:

A "Paul" - someone who teaches us and mentors us.

A "Timothy" - someone we can teach.

A "Barnabas" - someone who is our encourager.

I've been mulling this over ever since yesterday's worship service. I have a "Paul" and a "Barnabas" in my life. I don't even know if they're aware of it.

My dear friend, Janie, would be my "Paul" right now. She had the wonderful vision a few years ago to start up a small group bible study and let me tell you, our group has definitely been a "God thing". We are a group of about 10 women, very diverse, from different stages and walks of life, different churches...and yet, we are so incredibly close. Our small group times are some of the most precious and valued times in my life. Janie has an incredible thirst for knowledge and spiritual growth, and she seems to keep her finger on the pulse of what our group needs and can grow from. She challenges me to think about my spiritual walk....she challenges me to not limit my viewpoint of God but to be willing to see Him "outside of the box" of my own upbringing, theology, etc.

My "Barnabas" is Vicki - what a precious, treasured friend she is! She is the biggest encourager in my life right now. She has this uncanny gift of knowing when I need encouraging, sometimes before I know it myself. We see each other almost daily, since we work in the same office. Our families are best friends....we have worshipped together. We are in small group together. We went to the same college. We have history. Sometimes it's just her mere presence in my life that is encouragement for me. I laugh with her like I laugh with no one else. There's probably many times that no one else would "get it"...understand why we are laughing. Sometimes I'll find a little "happy" on my desk at the office, or she'll bring something by the house. One of the unhappiest days of my life, she brought by a hamburger straight off her grill wrapped in foil. They had just eaten supper, and she had called me at a terrible time, heard the fear and hurt in my voice, and drove immediately over knowing that I had not taken time to eat that day. That simple gesture meant alot. This morning, she brought me a piece of homemade apple cake...what a wonderful way to start out a Monday. We talk, listen, laugh, cry, get silly, be serious, pray for each other and lift one another up. Yep, she's my Barnabas.

But I don't have a "Timothy" in my life right now. And that has given me pause. Something to reflect on and figure out what I need to do to correct that. For years, I worked in children's ministry, so I had many "Timothys" that I taught. I love teaching children, and it's something I felt called to do for a long time. But recently, God has had me "step back" so to speak, to do some soul searching, inner reflection, and healing within my own life. I have the feeling He is preparing me for something else. I guess my two daughters could be counted as "Timothys". God has given me the blessing and honor of being their mother and I am to teach them God's Word.

Which leads me to another thought....it is scary in a sense to have a Timothy in your life. If we make our lives open and transparent, if we allow people access into our world, then they all of us....the good, the bad and the ugly. The warts and all. They see the good days and the bad days. When I taught childrens Sunday School, in all honesty, the children probably only saw what I wanted them to see. It is fairly easy to put on my "Sunday best" and present the lesson I have prepared. It's a little harder when it's my own girls - who see me as I really am. Wow. Talk about a heavy responsiblity. When they look at me, they will see a Mom who has screwed up many times - reacted in ways I shouldn't, procrastinated on things I should've done sooner, yelled when maybe I should've listened first, but hopefully they will see a Mom who loves them with all of her heart, and hopefully they will see a woman who loves God with all of her heart, and who is taking this journey called "life" one day at a time, and learning to live in God's grace and mercy.

Maybe it's a good thing that they've seen the "real" me...the good, the bad, and the ugly. Maybe that will help them understand how awesome God is....that He loves us no matter what we do or say, how bad we might mess up. Because life can get pretty complicated. (which of course, makes me love the hammock even more....nothing complicated about lying in that!)

So...I guess my girls are my "Timothys" right now. Although maybe John's point was to have someone else besides our own kids as a Timothy. I guess I'm just now starting to realize that I need to ask God to open my eyes and show me people within my own world with whom I can be a part of their life. I'm not trying to say that I have answers and knowledge and all that.....on the contrary. I'm a seeker also....I'm a believer who is realizing that I need to seek God more than I have. He needs to be my heart's desire.

I hope this week that God opens my eyes to more Pauls, Timothys and Barnabas'. I hope that I see and listen when He speaks to me. I hope that I put aside my own selfishness or insecurities and will be willing to allow Him to use me in someone's life as a Paul, Timothy or Barnabas.

Here I am, Lord. Send me.

It's a Good Day

I woke up this morning very tired and moving in slow motion. We have had a wonderful weekend here at the Dougherty household - beautiful fall weather, precious family time, business with Lindsey's activities and enjoying Casie while she was home on fall break.

As a parent, there is something so deeply satisfying about having all of your chicks in the nest. I never quite understood that until our oldest, Casie, went away to college. I'm so proud of her and her accomplishments, and I wouldn't trade any of the wonderful education experience she is getting to have her back home. She is where she needs to be and doing what she needs to be doing. But on those wonderful occasions when she is home and I can gaze across the table and see both of my girls, I feel so happy inside.

Andy and I helped Lindsey host her annual Halloween party last night. We had an awesome group of 6th graders over, and it is always a pleasure to have our girls' friends in our home. Andy made a fire in the fire pit, and the girls roasted hot dogs and marshmallows outside and afterwards we bobbed for apples. Good, old fashioned fun....you can't beat it. They had amazing costumes and the sound of laughter could be heard all throughout our yard and our home. Our dogs even got into the festivities - playing with the girls and stealing anyone's hot dog that wasn't paying attention. (Thank goodness I had plenty)

As I reflect on the weekend, I am reminded again of how much I have to be thankful for. I am thankful for Andy - I appreciate the husband and father that he is. I love the fact that he is so handy that he can handle ANY kind of crisis I run into on days we are entertaining. Something gets broken, doesn't work, doesn't look right, or I've misplaced something I need. Give him a paperclip, rubberbands, nails, glue, etc - and he's like McGyver. He can fix and rig up anything I ask. He amazes me.

I am thankful for Casie. She's a very giving and unselfish young woman. Whatever group she is involved in - church groups, civic groups, school groups, etc.....she will give them her best effort. She arrived home this weekend after an incredibly busy 2 weeks at UCA - homecoming activities, Sigma activities, midterms, etc. She came through the door exhausted but with a smile on her face. Our relationship is evolving...we are mother and daughter, but as she grows into womanhood, our conversations change and I see other sides to her. It's hard to believe she'll be 21 in December. She's still so young....and yet, I see her growing everyday.

I am thankful for Lindsey - her laughter and sense of humor keep me in stitches. She is quick-witted and an absolute delight to be around. As she gets more involved in activities this year such as beginning band, youth group, and a civic group - I see her compassion for others. She's always been the one who wants to make sure all people are included. Our relationship is changing as well. Instead of driving her to younger children's activities, I just came back from dropping off her and friend for youth group at FPC.

Where does the time go???? I blinked, and my girls kept growing. I blinked and I had grown older. I blinked and realized I had missed opportunities I thought would always be around. I blinked and realized I missed someone's birthday or anniversary. I blinked and a whole week has gone by without me exercising or eating like I should. I blinked and the front door still doesn't have a fresh coat of paint. I blinked and the book on my nightstand is still untouched.

I blinked and Sunday is almost over.

I've realized that I need to make the most of each day that I am given. It's a realization that I have known for years now, but I don't always act on it. I want to live out this realization. I want to wake up eager for the new day. I want to look at the world and those around me through God's eyes, and love as He loves. I want to embrace Andy and the girls. I want to laugh and cry with my friends. I want lay my head on the pillow each night and thank God for the blessings and opportunities of the day.

Feeling Chaos, Wanting Peace

Saturday morning...and the sun is about to rise. I've opened the window here in the den where I can see the beautiful early morning sky. I usually feel peaceful this time of day....but peace is eluding me this morning.

I have a problem with focus....I tend to get distracted, I procrastinate, and I end up unorganized. I have the sort of personality where I sometimes will sit and think for what seems like FOREVER on a situation, or the tasks before me, instead of just acting. You can think yourself into a funk, that's for sure. I've done it many times.

I've been in a funk the last few days. I've been worrying about things that I'm not sure I need to worry about. Let me take that back, I KNOW I shouldn't worry about them. I should give them over to God. I should do what I know is best...lay those thoughts and feelings and worries at His feet and let Him guide me. Why do we (I) struggle with doing what I know is right?

So, as I sit here this morning, I have alone time. Which I love. As much as I adore my family, and I do...(I mean, what's not to adore???) I am a better person when I wake up before everyone else and spend time alone with God. I don't always do it, but when I do, I seem to have much better focus on the day before me. Anyway...here I sit. Linds has spent the night with a friend so she is over there, Andy is still at the fire department (soon to come) and Casie is in bed, naturally. (Casie and sunrises have never really met). Instead of enjoying the sunrise as I normally do, I'm sitting and stewing over what needs to be done. I'm worrying over relationships and situations. I'm browbeating myself for not being more organized. In other words, I'm sabotaging my own morning. WHY?

I opened up a devotional book that I just love. It's written by Kristin Armstrong, it's and it's titled Strength for the Climb. It's a book that has helped me alot this year. I turned to this morning's devotion, and it hit the nail on the head for me. She talks about "No Substitutes", and the message is that God's peace is most evident when everything is falling down around us. How true that is! I've had a year where everything has fallen down around me. The rug yanked out from underneath me. And the more chaotic and messed up my life got, the more focused I became. She says that God's peace in a time of chaos can give us more clarity than in normal times. This has been the case in my own life more than once. The more unsteady my life gets during these times, the more I realize how steady God is. Kristin also talks about how this is not something we can manage, manipulate, force or steal. We can't will it or think it into being. It's not something WE do in other words. It is what it is. It's God. All I have to do is recognize it. The verse she uses for today is one of my faves..."The peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7

I need to take my coffee, go outside and just recognize God. I need to allow His peace to fall on me. I know it is there. I've felt it. I've lived in it. When I fail to recognize it, that is when my insecurities and my weaknesses take over. I've had a week of failing to recognize God's peace. And all it has brought to me is a paralysis of sorts. When I worry, I tend to become paralyzed. I become paralyzed emotionally because fear takes over. I become paralyzed in a practical sense, because as an unorganized person and a lifelong procrastinator, I don't focus on the tasks at hand. I let them overwhelm me. I've had that sort of week also.

So I'm going to take a moment, take a deep breath and simply acknowledge. I'll acknowledge God for who He is. I'll let Him wrap me in His arms, and know that His peace will come on me. I'll have a better day than what I thought I was going to have, because I will let go of my own control. (which ironically leads me down a path of NO control).

Here I am Lord....