It's been almost a full year since my last post, although I do this for myself, since I'm not a huge blog follower, nor do I have "followees".
My life the past year has been tumultuous and full of changes within my family. While writing is therapeutic for me, the changes have been too personal to share with anyone. I have journaled on paper, and for my eyes only the past year.
Changes, even the dreaded ones, are frightening and scarey. The breaking up of a family is tragic. But it has happened in our home, and after a very dark period, I feel optimistic, hopeful and I know I am on a path of peace and healing.
If I could have "do overs" in life, I would do many things differently. I won't list those here...but I will say that I am so thankful for the healing grace and love of my Savior, for my two beautiful daughters, for my extended family and my precious friends.
There will be continued pain with this new journey of life, I'm sure. But I'm also sure of continued healing and hope for our future.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 25, 2009
Deadheading
Memorial Day here in Marion has been one of sunshine followed by a thunderstorm, more sun, then rain. Off and on like this all day. We did our grilling of the ribs and all the yummy things that go with it yesterday after church, because Andy is on duty today at the fire station.
It's been fairly lowkey around the house this morning, just the girls, the dogs and myself. Lindsey has managed to make it to the pool with some of her friends to enjoy the sunshine while she can. Casie and I have been reading and doing various tasks around the house. During one of our "sunny hours" I went outside and decided to do some deadheading on a hanging basket I have. It's a tedious task, but I know if I am patient and do it diligently that I will have a healthier plant overall and beautiful blooms. As I was carefully pulling off the dead blooms, I was reminded of how God deadheads/prunes me. I'm currently going through a phase of that in my life right now. There are some things that God is helping me to get rid of in order for me to be healthier. Issues in my life that I can "let go of"...as they are weighing me down and causing me to be unhealthy. It's amazing to me how God knows when to be delicate in his pruning of me, and when to just be bold and "whack it off". He alone knows what is best for me. I tend to make a mess of things when I do it on my own. Thankfully, He is the gardener of my soul.
As I was also looking around my yard and deck, I realized that my gardening goes in phases. I will get all excited and be extra diligent with my plants and flowers, and then I get busy with life, and they will be neglected for a few days. Once again, I am thankful for God being MY gardener. He is ever faithful. Always knowing when I need nourishment. Always knowing of when I need the sun and when I need a cleansing rain in my soul. Always knowing of when the deadheading and pruning need to take place.
I feel like a fledgling new plant...trying to struggle out of the ground. I'm not quite out and blooming in all my glory yet, but I hope that someday I will be.
It's been fairly lowkey around the house this morning, just the girls, the dogs and myself. Lindsey has managed to make it to the pool with some of her friends to enjoy the sunshine while she can. Casie and I have been reading and doing various tasks around the house. During one of our "sunny hours" I went outside and decided to do some deadheading on a hanging basket I have. It's a tedious task, but I know if I am patient and do it diligently that I will have a healthier plant overall and beautiful blooms. As I was carefully pulling off the dead blooms, I was reminded of how God deadheads/prunes me. I'm currently going through a phase of that in my life right now. There are some things that God is helping me to get rid of in order for me to be healthier. Issues in my life that I can "let go of"...as they are weighing me down and causing me to be unhealthy. It's amazing to me how God knows when to be delicate in his pruning of me, and when to just be bold and "whack it off". He alone knows what is best for me. I tend to make a mess of things when I do it on my own. Thankfully, He is the gardener of my soul.
As I was also looking around my yard and deck, I realized that my gardening goes in phases. I will get all excited and be extra diligent with my plants and flowers, and then I get busy with life, and they will be neglected for a few days. Once again, I am thankful for God being MY gardener. He is ever faithful. Always knowing when I need nourishment. Always knowing of when I need the sun and when I need a cleansing rain in my soul. Always knowing of when the deadheading and pruning need to take place.
I feel like a fledgling new plant...trying to struggle out of the ground. I'm not quite out and blooming in all my glory yet, but I hope that someday I will be.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Back to blogging
It has been a couple of months since I've blogged. For various reasons, I have simply felt "dry" when it came to putting words in type. But recently I've discovered I was missing the blogging (I find it strangely therapeutic) and missing reading the ones I follow.
Tonight is one of insomnia, so here I sit at the computer. I've browsed through the blogs I enjoy, looked at pictures that are posted that inspire me, and I feel invigorated. For exactly what, I'm not sure. But thanks to you bloggers out there that "do my soul good!"
My bout of insomnia (which unfortunately is rather common lately) comes from troubles within my own soul and an issue within my family. I have cried, I have prayed. I tried reading, but couldn't focus long enough to get past a few pages. There is nothing on tv that I feel like watching right now. It's too late to talk to precious friends...I know them well enough to know that they are all catching zzzz's right now. Now I'm fighting a splitting headache. I wonder....what do you others out there do when your nights are filled with anxiety, worries and pain? What eases your mind and your soul?
Tonight is one of insomnia, so here I sit at the computer. I've browsed through the blogs I enjoy, looked at pictures that are posted that inspire me, and I feel invigorated. For exactly what, I'm not sure. But thanks to you bloggers out there that "do my soul good!"
My bout of insomnia (which unfortunately is rather common lately) comes from troubles within my own soul and an issue within my family. I have cried, I have prayed. I tried reading, but couldn't focus long enough to get past a few pages. There is nothing on tv that I feel like watching right now. It's too late to talk to precious friends...I know them well enough to know that they are all catching zzzz's right now. Now I'm fighting a splitting headache. I wonder....what do you others out there do when your nights are filled with anxiety, worries and pain? What eases your mind and your soul?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Embracing
I've been reading John Ortberg's book, Everyone is Normal Until You Get to Know Them. It's been a very interesting book. Several things he has written about have been challenging to me. One thing I read about 3 or 4 days ago has been heavy on my mind and heart.
He writes about how Jesus embraced all....He had no prejudices when it came to loving and accepting people. He came to earth for us all. I've known this my entire life. I've believed it most of my entire life. I've shared it with others.
Here's the question to myself...do "I" truly embrace all? It's so easy to embrace those who are similar to me...who have the same interests and values. As I've aged, I've matured to where differences and diversity don't intimidate me, and I've learned from many people who are different than myself. Yet still...that nagging question...."Do I embrace all?"
I think I get in my own personal comfort zone...and embrace what I am familiar with. If I look long, hard and honestly at myself, I don't think I'm as embracing and accepting as Christ would have me be. This is an area I need to work on....to look around the people around me and ask God to open my eyes to hurts, wounds, needs that people have. I want to see people as God sees them, not just through my own human eyes.
I hope this week that I keep my eyes and my heart open to those whom I cross paths with. I hope that I will be open to any opportunities placed in my pathway to be embracing and accepting. I don't want to shy away from people because they are wounded, hurting, sinful, or broken. I AM ALL OF THESE THINGS. Who among us isn't?
He writes about how Jesus embraced all....He had no prejudices when it came to loving and accepting people. He came to earth for us all. I've known this my entire life. I've believed it most of my entire life. I've shared it with others.
Here's the question to myself...do "I" truly embrace all? It's so easy to embrace those who are similar to me...who have the same interests and values. As I've aged, I've matured to where differences and diversity don't intimidate me, and I've learned from many people who are different than myself. Yet still...that nagging question...."Do I embrace all?"
I think I get in my own personal comfort zone...and embrace what I am familiar with. If I look long, hard and honestly at myself, I don't think I'm as embracing and accepting as Christ would have me be. This is an area I need to work on....to look around the people around me and ask God to open my eyes to hurts, wounds, needs that people have. I want to see people as God sees them, not just through my own human eyes.
I hope this week that I keep my eyes and my heart open to those whom I cross paths with. I hope that I will be open to any opportunities placed in my pathway to be embracing and accepting. I don't want to shy away from people because they are wounded, hurting, sinful, or broken. I AM ALL OF THESE THINGS. Who among us isn't?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
A Little Sunshine Goes a Long Way
We've had some rather dreary and gloomy days so far in the month of March, but today is one of those perfect spring-like days where the sun is shining, the skies are blue, the temp is in the mid 70s, the trees and flowers are blooming and the birds are chirping.I'm amazed at how much a bit of sun can do to improve my overall mood and energy level. I'm sitting here in my new office (of 2 days) and for the first time in a couple of years, I'm fortunate enough to have a window. I'm doing the same work I've been doing the last 10 years or so, but there's a smile on my face. So far today, I've been able to turn around from my computer and enjoy a robin, a gorgeous red cardinal and a mockingbird in the tree in front of my window. Just being able to glance up for a minute away from reports, invoices and emails and enjoy God's creation may seem like a small thing, but it's a gentle reminder to me that He is a wonderful and awesome God.
In this economy, I'm so thankful and grateful for a job....even more so for having a job which I enjoy and co-workers with whom I care about and am close to. And yes, I'm even thankful for my new office window and the little bit of sunshine that has done wonders for my morale today.
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