I'm enjoying my exercise in "intentional gratitude"....there are so many small things in my life which I overlook, but now that I stop to reflect on these things, I realize the beauty and blessings that surround me.
1. I'm grateful for the plants that are thriving in my yard....despite my unintentional ability to ignore and thus, kill them. Yea for drought tolerant plants! My heart leaps for joy everytime I come home from work and there is still something blooming instead of something brown and withered in my pots.
2. I'm grateful for the young women my girls have grown/are growing into. They are beautiful on the inside and the outside. They give me unlimited amounts of joy. And they can sing classic 70s rock too...wow....what a combination.
3. I'm grateful for a sense of humor. God blessed me with a family that used alot of humor, and somehow I developed a pretty good sense of humor as a result. I've always been attracted to people who display a sense of humor, so most of my friends have a good one. My girls have both developed a dry wit, and keep me laughing alot. We've discovered that laughter truly is a great medicine, and we've needed the healing lately.
Yep, this experiment in intentional gratitude is very good for one's soul. I hope I keep this up.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Plan B
Yesterday, one of my dearest friends in the world, Mark Baber, spoke at our worship service. Mark is my former BSU director from my college days, my former pastor, and one of my best friends and one of my all-time favorite persons in this world. He is real, he is transparent, and he exudes grace and mercy.
Mark is also an alcoholic. Going on 11 years of sobriety now. What a personal achievement and what an amazing story of God's grace and redemption as he has gone from a shattered life a few years ago to a life of victory.
Mark's alcoholism was at a time when he was my pastor. When the alcoholism became public, you can imagine all the fallout that occurred. Long story short, Mark went to a rehab center in Atlanta for several weeks, came back and has been active in AA ever since. His wife, Janie, another of my most precious and treasured friends in life, is active in Al-Anon.
Although his ministerial career at my former church was no longer to be, God had other plans for Mark. His and Janie's ministry has simply changed....they have very successful careers - Mark has risen high in the insurance industry and Janie is a wonderful educator. But their ministry is now helping others with addictions.
Okay...that's a little of Mark's background. So much of his story yesterday impacted me...although I already knew his story. He is eloquent, thoughtful and thought provoking when he speaks. I am like a sponge...always soaking up his words.
What spoke to me the most yesterday was when he said that his actions had changed God's "Plan A" for his life. But thankfully, God is a God of second and third chances, and so on. And God's "Plan B" for his life wasn't half bad (that's Mark's dry sense of humor). I sat in the choir loft, and realized....it's okay that my life isn't turning out as I planned. Plan A was for my marriage to stay intact, for my girls to never know the pain of their parents divorcing. But...Plan B, as long as it is God's plan, is going to be okay! It's going to be good!
I can't tell you how in adequate words how Mark living out Plan B has impacted others. Having been successful in ministry, hitting the bottom with his alcoholism, and God bringing him out of the pit and into a life of grace and a different ministry has been amazing to watch. Mark always reminds everyone that we are all the walking wounded.
After church, I went out to lunch with Mark and Janie, and Barry and Vicki. I hugged him really tightly when we were leaving the restaurant and told him that Plan B was where I am at now, and thanked him for his words. He hugged me back, smiling and said "It is what it is. It's messed up Tracy, but it won't be forever. And as I said, Plan B ain't half bad" with that wry grin of his.
I am so thankful that God blesses us and uses us in spite of our failures and weaknesses. In spite of the fact that we get off track and make bad choices in life. In spite of the fact that we break away from Plan A....He is there to welcome us back with a Plan B.
I fought hard for our marriage, but the damage was done. We each have issues that tore us apart. One of us wanted to stay, one of us wanted to leave. Further bad choices were made at that point. What's done is done. It is what it is. A shattered family. Lots of wounds and pain....lots of healing and grace that has already been poured out and continues to pour. Plan A is over. I am now looking to God for Plan B. Because I really want that to be HIS plan, and not one of my own design. That is the key.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. Thought provoking friends.
2. Good books to read this summer....I am rediscovering my love for reading. It's an intentional goal, as I find myself with a little more "alone time" when the girls are with their dad.
3. Mornings. I love mornings. They are full of promise.
Mark is also an alcoholic. Going on 11 years of sobriety now. What a personal achievement and what an amazing story of God's grace and redemption as he has gone from a shattered life a few years ago to a life of victory.
Mark's alcoholism was at a time when he was my pastor. When the alcoholism became public, you can imagine all the fallout that occurred. Long story short, Mark went to a rehab center in Atlanta for several weeks, came back and has been active in AA ever since. His wife, Janie, another of my most precious and treasured friends in life, is active in Al-Anon.
Although his ministerial career at my former church was no longer to be, God had other plans for Mark. His and Janie's ministry has simply changed....they have very successful careers - Mark has risen high in the insurance industry and Janie is a wonderful educator. But their ministry is now helping others with addictions.
Okay...that's a little of Mark's background. So much of his story yesterday impacted me...although I already knew his story. He is eloquent, thoughtful and thought provoking when he speaks. I am like a sponge...always soaking up his words.
What spoke to me the most yesterday was when he said that his actions had changed God's "Plan A" for his life. But thankfully, God is a God of second and third chances, and so on. And God's "Plan B" for his life wasn't half bad (that's Mark's dry sense of humor). I sat in the choir loft, and realized....it's okay that my life isn't turning out as I planned. Plan A was for my marriage to stay intact, for my girls to never know the pain of their parents divorcing. But...Plan B, as long as it is God's plan, is going to be okay! It's going to be good!
I can't tell you how in adequate words how Mark living out Plan B has impacted others. Having been successful in ministry, hitting the bottom with his alcoholism, and God bringing him out of the pit and into a life of grace and a different ministry has been amazing to watch. Mark always reminds everyone that we are all the walking wounded.
After church, I went out to lunch with Mark and Janie, and Barry and Vicki. I hugged him really tightly when we were leaving the restaurant and told him that Plan B was where I am at now, and thanked him for his words. He hugged me back, smiling and said "It is what it is. It's messed up Tracy, but it won't be forever. And as I said, Plan B ain't half bad" with that wry grin of his.
I am so thankful that God blesses us and uses us in spite of our failures and weaknesses. In spite of the fact that we get off track and make bad choices in life. In spite of the fact that we break away from Plan A....He is there to welcome us back with a Plan B.
I fought hard for our marriage, but the damage was done. We each have issues that tore us apart. One of us wanted to stay, one of us wanted to leave. Further bad choices were made at that point. What's done is done. It is what it is. A shattered family. Lots of wounds and pain....lots of healing and grace that has already been poured out and continues to pour. Plan A is over. I am now looking to God for Plan B. Because I really want that to be HIS plan, and not one of my own design. That is the key.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. Thought provoking friends.
2. Good books to read this summer....I am rediscovering my love for reading. It's an intentional goal, as I find myself with a little more "alone time" when the girls are with their dad.
3. Mornings. I love mornings. They are full of promise.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
My Fortune: The People Around Me
After church today, I was invited to go along with friends to a hibachi restaurant in Memphis, where we were all sitting around the table and being entertained by the Japanese chef. A very good meal, great company...the only downside was that we couldn't all hear one another over the noise.As the fortune cookies were passed around, we all were having fun opening them and reading them to one another. Most of us had good ones, and mine was something along the lines of "Appreciate the caring people that surround you". So appropriate for my life right now...or ANYTIME for that matter! I wasn't surrounded by these folks just at the hibachi table, I'm surrounded by them as I take this journey called life.
I thought of these friends...some of the truest "heart friends" you could ever find, and the history we have together.
My fortune, my riches, if you will, are not made up of material things. I struggle to make ends meet. But I consider myself rich in many ways....by the blessings in my life. These blessings include my family and my friends.
Today I am grateful for:
1. My dad. It's Father's Day, and I am one of the fortunate and blessed people who have a wonderful earthly father. He's awesome.
2. My girls....Casie and Lindsey. They are amazing. It's as simple as that. Being their mom is the greatest joy in my life.
3. Plan B. More on that topic later. I'm still processing some very wise words shared this morning by one of the dear friends I mentioned above. He always is thought provoking for me, and so today, I am mulling over his words.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Simplicity
Today has been a rather simple, but tad offbeat day for me. My girls left this morning for a road trip with Andy, their dad, and while I was glad the three of them were able to go somewhere for much needed time together, I found myself nostalgic over past trips we had taken as a family of four. So, my mood began to waiver between being "okay" and "not so okay". I decided that I needed to hop in the car and just go do something. Since I am taking a road trip to Texas later this week, I'm really not wanting to spend any money. So, retail therapy was out of question. I decided to simply drive to a local produce stand and pick up some fresh produce and look at plants.
A friend of mine had been talking earlier this week of having had a delicious tomato sandwich, and my mouth has been watering ever since. I love homegrown tomatoes. I picked out my loot at the produce place, drove back into town, grabbed an iced tea from Sonic, and came home to make my sandwich. Just the simpleness of it was divine! Although I still am missing my girls, I know they are having fun, and so I decided to just shift my focus and enjoy a simple day at the hacienda. I drank my iced tea and ate my tomato sandwich, relishing the fact that I am a southern gal at heart and even though I can do without the blazing heat, I love summer in the south. I have a good novel I am reading, so I got that out and read until I felt sleepy. I was wanting to give into the nap, but kept thinking "I should do....", or "This really needs to be done..." when I realized....today can be about ME. I am missing my family, and it's okay for me to just do what I want to do and not what I "have" to do. Which is lingo for "Tracy took the nap".
I'm up now, and planning a supper meal of simple fresh veggies. This is something I can't really do when my girls are here. They aren't that crazy about all the veggies that I am, and they definitely want meat. I'm a carnivore too, don't get me wrong. But I realized that I can enjoy a simple meal the way that "I" want it for tonight. Part of being single is learning to readjust my thinking and find ways to deal with the times I am alone. It's a simple concept really, and yet so hard to do.
As it nears supper time, I'm realizing that I made it through the day alone. This isn't my first day alone, but every time that I do it, and I realize that I'm okay, I feel good inside.
I'm going to prepare my veggies soon, and then, to make up for the self-indulgent nap I took, I need to tackle the jungle when it cools off. "Jungle" is codeword for my backyard. I hate mowing. Well, I used to like it when I had a riding mower. But these push mowers are a different story. Oh well. I'll at least feel like I accomplished a task.
Things I am grateful for today:
1. Tomato sandwiches.
2. Good books.
3. Riding mowers. Oh wait, I don't have one.
4. My niece. Who I just found out wants to take the roadtrip with me and Casie to Texas this week. That's pretty cool....she's pretty cool.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Flexibility
Flexibility.....something I am trying to achieve in my life right now. There are so many things that require us to be flexible....marriage, parenting, other relationships, divorce, demands within our jobs and careers, unexpected financial situations, health crises, our activities...like sports, drama, etc. You'd think I'd have the hang of it by now.
And yet, here I am with a 13 year old, remembering how flexible I had to be 9 years ago when my oldest daughter was at this extremely difficult age. And here I am also, going through a divorce, and learning how to adapt, adjust, readjust, change, change a little more, etc to the dynamics of a family life that is no longer traditional.
I won't go into the details that are requiring extra flexibility on me over the next week, but I will say that prayers and patience with me are welcome.
I will go on to say that everytime I think I have acquired flexibility, something happens to "move my cheese" and I find that I am actually more rigid than I thought I was, and that I don't always want to be flexible.
However, not wanting to be flexible has nothing to do with needing to be flexible. So....flexibility is the word of the day.
Okay...3 blessings/gratitudes today are:
1. Friends who "know" people, and who can refer you to someone whose service you need, and who say "Tell them that I said to call".....it's nice to be able to cut through the red tape sometimes.
2. My sister. We share about anything and everything.
3. Motown. It just puts me in a summery mood, and I love singing along to Motown songs at THE top of my lungs. It may not sound great....but it sure makes me smile!
And yet, here I am with a 13 year old, remembering how flexible I had to be 9 years ago when my oldest daughter was at this extremely difficult age. And here I am also, going through a divorce, and learning how to adapt, adjust, readjust, change, change a little more, etc to the dynamics of a family life that is no longer traditional.
I won't go into the details that are requiring extra flexibility on me over the next week, but I will say that prayers and patience with me are welcome.
I will go on to say that everytime I think I have acquired flexibility, something happens to "move my cheese" and I find that I am actually more rigid than I thought I was, and that I don't always want to be flexible.
However, not wanting to be flexible has nothing to do with needing to be flexible. So....flexibility is the word of the day.
Okay...3 blessings/gratitudes today are:
1. Friends who "know" people, and who can refer you to someone whose service you need, and who say "Tell them that I said to call".....it's nice to be able to cut through the red tape sometimes.
2. My sister. We share about anything and everything.
3. Motown. It just puts me in a summery mood, and I love singing along to Motown songs at THE top of my lungs. It may not sound great....but it sure makes me smile!
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