I'm immensely enjoying this little trip back to my hometown for a few days. This morning, we drove to Dallas for the ultimate in chick shopping...Sam Moons. Jewelry, purses, more jewelry, belts, more jewelry, etc. I used to absolutely love shopping...these days, I find that I can do with or without it. Part of that is lack of money, and window shopping is a drag. The other part of that is I have simply found it to just not be as fun as before. Don't get me wrong...I like new things, I like splurging a little now and then, I love shopping for my daughters...but I find that I get restless and bored after a little while. Give me a good conversation with a friend anyday over shopping. But today was fun. Hanging out with the folks, Casie and my niece is a treat. Still missing Linds terribly.
After lunch, hit a couple more stores, then enjoyed a nap. It's great being home and knowing that I don't "have" to talk or visit every second of the day. My folks are perfectly fine if I want to slip off and nap awhile. And my sleep is very good when I am here..maybe it has to do with being back in my parents' home and in this place, I don't have to make decisions,think or worry about the daily stuff. I can just come and emotionally collapse.
Went to the Ranger game later with Dad and the girls...being an avid baseball fan, that was a treat. I don't get as excited as I do watching my beloved Cardinals, but it was still fun.
Tomorrow I am having coffee with a very special someone from my past, and lunch with one of my dearest friends. I'm excited about both. Tad nervous about one.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. Being able to simply "be" for a few days....not to be in charge of anyone or anything, not to have to worry or stress...it's a very relaxing feeling.
2. Conversations with special people.
3. Sleep.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Hometown Visit
Tonight I am blogging from my parents' home....and treasuring a few days in the town I grew up in.
Made the roadtrip today with Casie, my oldest, and my 16 year old niece, Haley. Linds is staying in Marion with her dad and friends in order to play the year end softball tournament. I hate leaving her, and I hate missing any of her games. But this was a trip already planned, and Casie had already taken off from her job and is in between university summer sessions....so our dates were unable to change.
The roadtrip was long, but fun. Spending the evening with my folks has been wonderful. We made a trip across town to visit my 92 year old grandmother, who is so precious to me. I treasure any time I am still able to spend with her. Being home is like being wrapped up in a special hug. It is comforting and feels soooo good. Tonight a very dear and old friend asked me how it was going, and those are the words I used. I do feel as if I'm embraced the minute I walk through the doors. And I have REALLY needed some hugging!
Today, I am grateful for:
1. My parents and their unconditional love, support and acceptance.
2. Old friends.
3. Roadtrip zaniness....at least we know how to make 8 hours fun!
Made the roadtrip today with Casie, my oldest, and my 16 year old niece, Haley. Linds is staying in Marion with her dad and friends in order to play the year end softball tournament. I hate leaving her, and I hate missing any of her games. But this was a trip already planned, and Casie had already taken off from her job and is in between university summer sessions....so our dates were unable to change.
The roadtrip was long, but fun. Spending the evening with my folks has been wonderful. We made a trip across town to visit my 92 year old grandmother, who is so precious to me. I treasure any time I am still able to spend with her. Being home is like being wrapped up in a special hug. It is comforting and feels soooo good. Tonight a very dear and old friend asked me how it was going, and those are the words I used. I do feel as if I'm embraced the minute I walk through the doors. And I have REALLY needed some hugging!
Today, I am grateful for:
1. My parents and their unconditional love, support and acceptance.
2. Old friends.
3. Roadtrip zaniness....at least we know how to make 8 hours fun!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Gratitude
I'm enjoying my exercise in "intentional gratitude"....there are so many small things in my life which I overlook, but now that I stop to reflect on these things, I realize the beauty and blessings that surround me.
1. I'm grateful for the plants that are thriving in my yard....despite my unintentional ability to ignore and thus, kill them. Yea for drought tolerant plants! My heart leaps for joy everytime I come home from work and there is still something blooming instead of something brown and withered in my pots.
2. I'm grateful for the young women my girls have grown/are growing into. They are beautiful on the inside and the outside. They give me unlimited amounts of joy. And they can sing classic 70s rock too...wow....what a combination.
3. I'm grateful for a sense of humor. God blessed me with a family that used alot of humor, and somehow I developed a pretty good sense of humor as a result. I've always been attracted to people who display a sense of humor, so most of my friends have a good one. My girls have both developed a dry wit, and keep me laughing alot. We've discovered that laughter truly is a great medicine, and we've needed the healing lately.
Yep, this experiment in intentional gratitude is very good for one's soul. I hope I keep this up.
1. I'm grateful for the plants that are thriving in my yard....despite my unintentional ability to ignore and thus, kill them. Yea for drought tolerant plants! My heart leaps for joy everytime I come home from work and there is still something blooming instead of something brown and withered in my pots.
2. I'm grateful for the young women my girls have grown/are growing into. They are beautiful on the inside and the outside. They give me unlimited amounts of joy. And they can sing classic 70s rock too...wow....what a combination.
3. I'm grateful for a sense of humor. God blessed me with a family that used alot of humor, and somehow I developed a pretty good sense of humor as a result. I've always been attracted to people who display a sense of humor, so most of my friends have a good one. My girls have both developed a dry wit, and keep me laughing alot. We've discovered that laughter truly is a great medicine, and we've needed the healing lately.
Yep, this experiment in intentional gratitude is very good for one's soul. I hope I keep this up.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Plan B
Yesterday, one of my dearest friends in the world, Mark Baber, spoke at our worship service. Mark is my former BSU director from my college days, my former pastor, and one of my best friends and one of my all-time favorite persons in this world. He is real, he is transparent, and he exudes grace and mercy.
Mark is also an alcoholic. Going on 11 years of sobriety now. What a personal achievement and what an amazing story of God's grace and redemption as he has gone from a shattered life a few years ago to a life of victory.
Mark's alcoholism was at a time when he was my pastor. When the alcoholism became public, you can imagine all the fallout that occurred. Long story short, Mark went to a rehab center in Atlanta for several weeks, came back and has been active in AA ever since. His wife, Janie, another of my most precious and treasured friends in life, is active in Al-Anon.
Although his ministerial career at my former church was no longer to be, God had other plans for Mark. His and Janie's ministry has simply changed....they have very successful careers - Mark has risen high in the insurance industry and Janie is a wonderful educator. But their ministry is now helping others with addictions.
Okay...that's a little of Mark's background. So much of his story yesterday impacted me...although I already knew his story. He is eloquent, thoughtful and thought provoking when he speaks. I am like a sponge...always soaking up his words.
What spoke to me the most yesterday was when he said that his actions had changed God's "Plan A" for his life. But thankfully, God is a God of second and third chances, and so on. And God's "Plan B" for his life wasn't half bad (that's Mark's dry sense of humor). I sat in the choir loft, and realized....it's okay that my life isn't turning out as I planned. Plan A was for my marriage to stay intact, for my girls to never know the pain of their parents divorcing. But...Plan B, as long as it is God's plan, is going to be okay! It's going to be good!
I can't tell you how in adequate words how Mark living out Plan B has impacted others. Having been successful in ministry, hitting the bottom with his alcoholism, and God bringing him out of the pit and into a life of grace and a different ministry has been amazing to watch. Mark always reminds everyone that we are all the walking wounded.
After church, I went out to lunch with Mark and Janie, and Barry and Vicki. I hugged him really tightly when we were leaving the restaurant and told him that Plan B was where I am at now, and thanked him for his words. He hugged me back, smiling and said "It is what it is. It's messed up Tracy, but it won't be forever. And as I said, Plan B ain't half bad" with that wry grin of his.
I am so thankful that God blesses us and uses us in spite of our failures and weaknesses. In spite of the fact that we get off track and make bad choices in life. In spite of the fact that we break away from Plan A....He is there to welcome us back with a Plan B.
I fought hard for our marriage, but the damage was done. We each have issues that tore us apart. One of us wanted to stay, one of us wanted to leave. Further bad choices were made at that point. What's done is done. It is what it is. A shattered family. Lots of wounds and pain....lots of healing and grace that has already been poured out and continues to pour. Plan A is over. I am now looking to God for Plan B. Because I really want that to be HIS plan, and not one of my own design. That is the key.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. Thought provoking friends.
2. Good books to read this summer....I am rediscovering my love for reading. It's an intentional goal, as I find myself with a little more "alone time" when the girls are with their dad.
3. Mornings. I love mornings. They are full of promise.
Mark is also an alcoholic. Going on 11 years of sobriety now. What a personal achievement and what an amazing story of God's grace and redemption as he has gone from a shattered life a few years ago to a life of victory.
Mark's alcoholism was at a time when he was my pastor. When the alcoholism became public, you can imagine all the fallout that occurred. Long story short, Mark went to a rehab center in Atlanta for several weeks, came back and has been active in AA ever since. His wife, Janie, another of my most precious and treasured friends in life, is active in Al-Anon.
Although his ministerial career at my former church was no longer to be, God had other plans for Mark. His and Janie's ministry has simply changed....they have very successful careers - Mark has risen high in the insurance industry and Janie is a wonderful educator. But their ministry is now helping others with addictions.
Okay...that's a little of Mark's background. So much of his story yesterday impacted me...although I already knew his story. He is eloquent, thoughtful and thought provoking when he speaks. I am like a sponge...always soaking up his words.
What spoke to me the most yesterday was when he said that his actions had changed God's "Plan A" for his life. But thankfully, God is a God of second and third chances, and so on. And God's "Plan B" for his life wasn't half bad (that's Mark's dry sense of humor). I sat in the choir loft, and realized....it's okay that my life isn't turning out as I planned. Plan A was for my marriage to stay intact, for my girls to never know the pain of their parents divorcing. But...Plan B, as long as it is God's plan, is going to be okay! It's going to be good!
I can't tell you how in adequate words how Mark living out Plan B has impacted others. Having been successful in ministry, hitting the bottom with his alcoholism, and God bringing him out of the pit and into a life of grace and a different ministry has been amazing to watch. Mark always reminds everyone that we are all the walking wounded.
After church, I went out to lunch with Mark and Janie, and Barry and Vicki. I hugged him really tightly when we were leaving the restaurant and told him that Plan B was where I am at now, and thanked him for his words. He hugged me back, smiling and said "It is what it is. It's messed up Tracy, but it won't be forever. And as I said, Plan B ain't half bad" with that wry grin of his.
I am so thankful that God blesses us and uses us in spite of our failures and weaknesses. In spite of the fact that we get off track and make bad choices in life. In spite of the fact that we break away from Plan A....He is there to welcome us back with a Plan B.
I fought hard for our marriage, but the damage was done. We each have issues that tore us apart. One of us wanted to stay, one of us wanted to leave. Further bad choices were made at that point. What's done is done. It is what it is. A shattered family. Lots of wounds and pain....lots of healing and grace that has already been poured out and continues to pour. Plan A is over. I am now looking to God for Plan B. Because I really want that to be HIS plan, and not one of my own design. That is the key.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. Thought provoking friends.
2. Good books to read this summer....I am rediscovering my love for reading. It's an intentional goal, as I find myself with a little more "alone time" when the girls are with their dad.
3. Mornings. I love mornings. They are full of promise.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
My Fortune: The People Around Me
After church today, I was invited to go along with friends to a hibachi restaurant in Memphis, where we were all sitting around the table and being entertained by the Japanese chef. A very good meal, great company...the only downside was that we couldn't all hear one another over the noise.As the fortune cookies were passed around, we all were having fun opening them and reading them to one another. Most of us had good ones, and mine was something along the lines of "Appreciate the caring people that surround you". So appropriate for my life right now...or ANYTIME for that matter! I wasn't surrounded by these folks just at the hibachi table, I'm surrounded by them as I take this journey called life.
I thought of these friends...some of the truest "heart friends" you could ever find, and the history we have together.
My fortune, my riches, if you will, are not made up of material things. I struggle to make ends meet. But I consider myself rich in many ways....by the blessings in my life. These blessings include my family and my friends.
Today I am grateful for:
1. My dad. It's Father's Day, and I am one of the fortunate and blessed people who have a wonderful earthly father. He's awesome.
2. My girls....Casie and Lindsey. They are amazing. It's as simple as that. Being their mom is the greatest joy in my life.
3. Plan B. More on that topic later. I'm still processing some very wise words shared this morning by one of the dear friends I mentioned above. He always is thought provoking for me, and so today, I am mulling over his words.
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