An Afternoon Alone

It's early Sunday afternoon and the house is quiet again. Just an hour earlier, there was alot of noise and activity. Both girls and both dogs were inside. They have now left for Memphis and lunch with their dad. While it is still a surreal and odd feeling that our family now has this separation and sharing, I think we are slowly becoming accustomed to it. Somedays we do better than others. Somedays, I think one of us or more than one of us, takes a few steps backwards. But we are dealing. We are hanging in there and learning.

Today I was fine as I waved the three of them off. I was glad they were spending the afternoon together. And they are even bringing me back a salad to eat on later. I'm so thankful that we are not in the middle of a situation that is hostile. A lesson that I've been learning and relearning for many years now, is that even in the trials and hard times of life, there are blessings when you open your eyes and look for them. I'm glad their father and I are working at re-establishing our friendship and some form of partnership, even though it is vastly different than marriage.

After they drove away, I busied myself cutting up fresh peaches, sprinkling them with sugar and placing in a big bowl in the fridge. When the girls are back later, we will make peach milkshakes. As I was in the kitchen cutting up the peaches and smelling the wonderful aroma, I was taken back in time to my great-grandmother's kitchen. She always had peaches in her freezer that she had put away during the summer. We could bring those out and have them over ice cream or she could make a cobble anytime of the year.

I also made mixed together some hummingbird nectar and poured into the feeder to place outside. I stepped out on the deck, and was assaulted by a heat index of 110, and decided the hummingbird feeder could be hung later this evening.

I have a good book I'm reading, and I think I'll read it for a little while and then take a quick nap before they come back. Although there are many times that I don't like the quantity of aloneness that is now in my life, I am adapting and learning to make it mine. I can be as busy as I want, or I can use this time to regroup, refresh and heal.

Today I am thankful for:

1. The taste and smell of sweet summer peaches, and the memories that are evoked.

2. Leisurely Sunday afternoons.

3. Knowing that God is at work in our lives...even when sometimes it is hard to see. I know that my faith has grown when I am resting in the "knowing".

Detours

It's Saturday morning, and I'm propped up in bed, with the house quiet around me. I've had time to do a little reflecting this morning.

Last night I was at a surprise birthday party for one of my dearest friends. His wife had planned the whole thing very well, and the party was at the home of other dear friends. There were about 30 people and the guest of honor was surprised and it was a huge hit. I laughed and enjoyed being there....I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else last night.

And yet....I found myself wistful and sad that my separated spouse wasn't there. Alot of the guests last night were people we've had a long history with. Four of them (including the birthday boy, er, 50 year old man) were our dearest friends. I was the only single person there, and it was just an odd feeling. One I am having to get used to, but not quite there yet. I seemed to be extra observant of the spouse who would go bring his/her partner a drink refill,or ask if they wanted something extra from the buffet. I miss alot of little things like that. I found myself sad and even a little angry at him that he wasn't there to be a part of the laughter and celebration.

When the party was winding down and guests were saying goodnight, I walked to the car and then got inside and shed a few tears on the way home. The tears didn't last long, but they felt better just being released.

I was reading this morning in a book that I've really enjoyed "Walking with God on the Road You Never Wanted to Travel". It's a book I am taking my time reading, because I am really reflective and writing alot as I read it. I started a new chapter this morning called "Detours". And I realized...last night was simply a small detour on my road of healing. I have had many moments of missing my husband and married life, and I know I will have some more on this journey. As long as I can recognize them for what they are, and continue to go to my Heavenly Father for healing, I will go through these detours and come out okay on the other end.

I'm glad it's Saturday, that I've been to be a little lazy this morning and have this time of quiet reflection and renewal.

Casie came home for the weekend last night...that's always a good thing. She and I have plans later this afternoon to head to Memphis and just spend an evening together. Lindsey and every other 13 year old girl in town is pumped up for the "Justin Bieber" concert in Memphis tonight, and the young teenage world is buzzing in our small southern town. We'll be helping her pick out just the PERFECT jeans and tshirt for the concert, I am sure. Thankfully, another mom is actually attending the concert and I don't have to. I haven't quite acquired "Bieber fever" yet.

Time to move on from being propped up in bed to my feet hitting the floor and beginning this day.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Friends and celebrations.

2. Detours, reflections and healing.

3. Time with my girls.

The Good Things

It's the "dog days of summer" and by this time of year, I find myself ready for summer to come to and end, and I long for the cooling days of fall. My yard always looks tired and brown, most roadtrips or vacations come to an end, my girls always seemed to be ready to reconnect with all of their friends, school clothes and supplies are being displayed in the front of the stores, it's too hot to enjoy grilling outdoors, laying in my hammock, or enjoying backyard games.

However, since we're still a way off from sweatshirt weather, pumpkins, the changing fall colors, football, and homemade chili, I've decided that the best way to get through these last few weeks of summer is to notice the simple and good things around me. Instead of focusing on how brown my yard is getting, I'm going to focus on the beautiful sweet potato vine that just seems to get a brighter shade of lime green the hotter it gets. I'm going to enjoy the cold glass of iced tea or that lemon-berry slush. I'm going to make a freezer of homemade ice cream, which reminds me of summers growing up. I'm going to notice the beauty in the dragonflies and butterflies that are flitting around my yard each day, and the fireflies that come out at night. I'm going to make sure I take the time to keep driving to the produce stand down the road and enjoy every last bit of watermelon, cantaloupe and tomatoes before the summer crops end. By mid-winter, I'll be craving a homegrown melon or tomato. I'm going to enjoy sleeping in a little later for a few more weeks before school starts, and we have to get back on our morning school routine.

So although I'm still yearning for the first signs of fall, I'll keep appreciating the good things about the last days of summer.

On another note, I am thanking and praising God today for helping me with the worries I mentioned in an earlier post. He always has a way for the solutions to be found.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Blessings and answered prayers.

2. Summer

3. Snowcones, popsicles, slushes and iced tea

Wonderful Weekend and Worrisome Week

My roadtrip weekend was wonderful. I made the 3.5 hour drive to my aunt and uncle's house on Friday, had a casual late supper with them and my aunt and I stayed outside on her patio until about 1 am just talking and laughing. There wasn't a single mosquito out that night...very unusual for Arkansas this time of year. My trip to Yukon, OK and back to pick up Linds and a friend and bring them back was tedious and tiresome, due to lots of road construction - but once I had the girls in the van with me, they were quite entertaining. Upon arriving back at my aunt's house, I was greeted by a whole group of relatives and we enjoyed another dinner and evening of catching up with each other. That night, both teenage girls ended up in the same guest room as I was, - they piled on the bed and we stayed up late talking and laughing. Those moments are priceless! After a wonderful country breakfast prepared by my uncle the next morning, the girls and I said our goodbyes and loaded back into the van and drove to Conway, where we met up with Casie in her new apartment. I unpacked a few things in her kitchen, and was really wanting to stay around longer, but after lunch, we needed to hit the road. Although I came back home totally wiped out, I was very emotionally fulfilled and what a blessing that is!

Alas, reality has hit with full force this week, and only two days later, I find myself very overwhelmed by regular life....repairs that need to be made, financial obligations, and my list seems like it could go on. It's only Tuesday nite, and I was finding myself getting into a real funk. I'm a pretty positive person normally, so I started giving myself a pep talk...reminding myself that every problem has a solution, and I simply need to put things in order of priority and just begin dealing with them. As a very wise friend of mine says "Just do the next right thing". I begin to breathe a little easier, wipe the tears from my eyes (yes, I had a good cry) and went outside to mow. The lawn mower refused to start. I had to just sit in the backyard swing and chuckle. This was so typical for my week. I actually began talking to the mower, as if that would correct whatever the problem was, and it would crank up for me. My jack russell, who was sitting in the swing with me, kept looking rather funny at me. I got up, and attempted to start it several more times, then finally gave up. My overgrown backyard would have to wait a little longer. As I walking across the yard, and stepped onto the deck, my left leg went into one of the worst leg cramps I have ever had. I hobbled back into the house, wincing in pain, tried to get the attention of Linds and a friend who was over hanging out, but all I got was..."Hey Mom, could you move? You're blocking the Wii". I realized that I wasn't going to receive sympathy or any medical help from them, so I continued to hobble down the hall and into my room. I massaged the cramp out of my calf, but it still had that "tight" feeling, the kind of tightness that screams "You move 1/2 inch to the left or right, and I'm going to cramp up again". I laid across my bed, with my body frozen into a really odd position, the only position that I could maintain without going into another cramp. Somehow, I saw my reflection in the mirror, and just started laughing. I've prayed for perseverance and patience....maybe God is just allowing a week like this in order for me to exercise using those characteristics. The cramp has worked itself from the leg down to the foot....an hour ago, my toes were curled back in a really odd formation. I guess tomorrow I'll go get some fruits with magnesium and potassium. It's obvious I have some deficiency in my body that is causing the cramps. As for the other real life worries and issues I'm dealing with, I realize that I have a deficiency as well. Instead of turning my problems and worries over to God in prayer, instead of trusting that He will show me an answer and provide a way to solve these problems and dilemmas, I have chosen to to bottle them inside, replay them over and over in my head like a broken record, and the worry has built up.

I think tomorrow in addition to buying the fruit I need for my body, I will spend some time revisiting the fruits of the spirit.

Today I am thankful for:

1. Extended family and the wonderful weekend I was able to spend with some of them. Family memories and stories remind us of how we are interwoven and enrich one another.

2. Casie being able to get a nicer apartment and a roommate she is close to. I know she is going to have a good year.

3. Linds and her friend who actually enjoyed piling up in bed with me to talk and laugh.

Weekend Roadtrip

It's Friday afternoon and I'm wrapping up at the office and looking forward to a quick weekend roadtrip. I don't know why I like driving, but I do. When I'm alone, it gives me time to think and reflect. When I'm with someone, it's often a time for pure silliness or some deep conversations...whatever the occasion calls for.

Today, I'll be driving 3.5 hours to the tiny southern town of Atkins, Arkansas and visiting with my aunt and uncle. This particular aunt, my "Aunt Becky" is my mother's younger sister, and she and I have always shared a very special bond. It's been about 4 years since we've been able to visit, which is way too long, so I am looking forward to it. Tomorrow morning, I will leave their house and drive to Yukon, OK to pick up my youngest daughter, Lindsey, and a friend of hers and bring them back. (They've been staying with a friend and her wonderful family for the last couple of weeks) We will stop in Atkins again on Saturday nite, and spend the nite once again with my aunt and uncle. On Sunday, we will head back to Marion, with a quick stop in Conway, to see Casie's new apartment.

It's alot of driving crammed into one weekend, but knowing I get to see my girls and my wonderful and wacky aunt (she is one of the funniest people I know) overshadows the driving part by far.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Aunt Becky.

2. Getting to see my Lindsey soon and having her back home... and grateful for the wonderful friends that she has spent time with. I tell my girls all the time that good friendships are worth nurturing.

3. Casie's new beginnings...her new apartment, her new roommate, the new semester she is about to begin. It's exciting watching her in young adulthood.