Seasons

I love the changing of seasons - especially this time of year. But the title of this blog isn't referring to nature, but to the seasons we go through in life.

To borrow a phrase from a friend of mine in Virginia, I am going through a "tough season". I'm not the only one...many I know are going through a tough season in life.

Lately, I've had a hard time getting going in the mornings. This is unusual, because unlike my teenage/college years, I've grown into a morning person. I love being up before anyone else and having time to myself, and time alone with God. I also am a person who struggles with insomnia, and so I think my body is just rebelling when the alarm clock goes off. Some mornings I haven't been asleep that long.

But I made a point to wake up this morning in time to see the sunrise. I'm still waiting for that moment...in about 10 minutes it should be lovely.

As I woke up and began catching up on emails, facebook and blogs, I read my friend's post from Virginia and came across her words of "tough season". She was referring to dear friends of hers from church. She has used this phrasing often in her writings. Another friend of mine asked for prayer for her son, who needs to accomplish a difficult task. Another friend of mine is going through a tough season this week and I feel totally helpless. She isn't sure how long her season will last. A family here in town has one daughter with a terminal illness that they are taking care of, and lost their other young adult son in a car wreck this weekend. My family is in a tough season.

We go through different seasons in life....seasons of abundance, seasons of difficulty, seasons of doubt, seasons of change, seasons of pain. I will say that in my own life, most of God's work in me happens during the "tough seasons". Some seasons last longer than others, and we grow weary. I know I am. I know all of the people I mentioned above grow weary.

But just as the sun rises each morning, so does my hope and faith in the Lord. Each day is new, full of opportunities and blessings. Our seasons will usually last through many sunrises, but on this morning, I am glad that I managed to stumble out of bed, catch up with my friends, spend time in prayer and watch the beginning of a new day...a day that still finds me in a tough season, but a new day nonetheless. A day in which I am privileged to pray for my friends, and also to be lifted in prayer by these same friends. A day in which God is walking with me, as always.

The Sound of Silence

I haven't posted in about 4 days, my keyboard has been silent. That doesn't mean that my thoughts and feelings have stopped....there are just times when I need to sit back and "ponder" as we say here in the South.

My day to day life is as busy as ever, and I seem to be on the go most of the time. However, when I have been home, I've found myself just in a state of reflection. Nothing really to share as of yet, but I'm still here.

Pacing Myself

I'm not a runner (and those of you who know me can stop rolling on the floor at this understatement) but I do have alot of friends who enjoy running. Seems that most of them who start off running for exercise end up doing the 5k, 10k marathon things. My brother has even done triathalons and I think one 26k. The concept of these marathons blows my hammock loving mind. But I have the utmost respect for these friends of mine, and anyone who attempts and accomplishes this kind of feat.

One thing I do know about running a marathon is that the runners pace themselves in order to finish. I've been thinking alot about pacing lately.

My journey of healing has been a marathon of sorts. It has been long, tiring, and taken more determination and perserverance than I ever knew I was capable of. Sometimes I feel like I see the finish line in the distance, and then something happens, and I have a setback. Or I think to myself "Did someone just MOVE the finish line?"

One common thing that I have heard over and over from some very wise people who have had to go through healing of some sort is that I CANNOT rush myself through this. If I try to cross that finish line before I am totally healed, it will come back sometime later in my future and I'll just have to deal with it again. So, I'm learning to pace myself. I feel that sometimes people around me who care so deeply are anxious for me to stop hurting, and I understand that. I hate seeing the people I care about in any kind of pain as well. I'm ready to stop hurting also.

But I am good...I am going the distance. It IS a marathon. I don't know how long it's going to take. But with every step, I'm closer. I'm not going to rush through because I'm tired of it, or because I think it will make others happier around me if I finish. When I cross that finish line, I want it to be for good. I don't want to be sent back later to do it all over.

I'm normally an impatient person...I want quick results. One thing (out of many) that God is showing me about myself during this time, is that some things are worth the wait. Some things in life need to be taken slow. This marathon is one of those things. So...yep, I'm pacing myself, and realizing that it is okay to do just that.

A Touch of Family, Fall and Football

It's opening day for Arkansas Razorback football, and myself, like most other "folk" in the Natural State have been "calling the Hogs" all week long. We're a fairly small state, and we love our Razorbacks. Unfortunately, I don't have tickets to the game in Fayetteville, but that hasn't stopped the excitement from building. Whether you attend a game, watch from tv or listen to radio, all across our state today Hog fans will be out and about, football flags will be flown, Razorback shirts and hats will be the popular attire of the day. Casie, my oldest, received a scholarship and marched in the Razorback band her first year of college. She still talks about the pride of being involved in such a huge event every Saturday in the fall of that year. Today's game will be followed on the radio, since sadly it isn't being televised, but I'll be listening and singing along with the fight song.

The temp is 55 degrees outside...a tease of fall is in the air, and that's all it took for a fall arrangement of sunflowers, multicolored leaves and a scarecrow to grace my front door. I'm poised with pumpkins and other things, but debating over whether it's too early or not. Myself and my cup of coffee are about to step outside and breathe in this glorious day.

Both girls are sleeping peacefully, and I went and peeked in on each of them. Nevermind that they are 22 and 13, I still tiptoe in, peek, and smile whenever I see one or both of them sleeping. It's still a sweet sight all these years later. We had a late dinner after Casie arrived last nite, and a nice evening just hanging out. Today, they will spend the day with their dad, which is a good thing. I'm slowly adapting to our new reality of "sharing separately" instead of sharing them together. It hurts more than I ever knew, but after all these months, I've learned ways to help me cope when they drive away. Staying busy seems to be the key. We haven't quite figured out plans for Sunday or Monday, but I'm just happy to have both girls together.

Today I am thankful for the cool weather, my girls, and yes, my Razorbacks.

Soul Food

Over the last few days, I've been able to have some really good soul food. I'm not talking about food for my body, but food for my soul. THAT kind of "soul food".

Laughter and tears, silly talks and serious talks, encouragement - both given and received.

God knows when I need nourishment.....how amazing is that?