Feeling Chaos, Wanting Peace

Saturday morning...and the sun is about to rise. I've opened the window here in the den where I can see the beautiful early morning sky. I usually feel peaceful this time of day....but peace is eluding me this morning.

I have a problem with focus....I tend to get distracted, I procrastinate, and I end up unorganized. I have the sort of personality where I sometimes will sit and think for what seems like FOREVER on a situation, or the tasks before me, instead of just acting. You can think yourself into a funk, that's for sure. I've done it many times.

I've been in a funk the last few days. I've been worrying about things that I'm not sure I need to worry about. Let me take that back, I KNOW I shouldn't worry about them. I should give them over to God. I should do what I know is best...lay those thoughts and feelings and worries at His feet and let Him guide me. Why do we (I) struggle with doing what I know is right?

So, as I sit here this morning, I have alone time. Which I love. As much as I adore my family, and I do...(I mean, what's not to adore???) I am a better person when I wake up before everyone else and spend time alone with God. I don't always do it, but when I do, I seem to have much better focus on the day before me. Anyway...here I sit. Linds has spent the night with a friend so she is over there, Andy is still at the fire department (soon to come) and Casie is in bed, naturally. (Casie and sunrises have never really met). Instead of enjoying the sunrise as I normally do, I'm sitting and stewing over what needs to be done. I'm worrying over relationships and situations. I'm browbeating myself for not being more organized. In other words, I'm sabotaging my own morning. WHY?

I opened up a devotional book that I just love. It's written by Kristin Armstrong, it's and it's titled Strength for the Climb. It's a book that has helped me alot this year. I turned to this morning's devotion, and it hit the nail on the head for me. She talks about "No Substitutes", and the message is that God's peace is most evident when everything is falling down around us. How true that is! I've had a year where everything has fallen down around me. The rug yanked out from underneath me. And the more chaotic and messed up my life got, the more focused I became. She says that God's peace in a time of chaos can give us more clarity than in normal times. This has been the case in my own life more than once. The more unsteady my life gets during these times, the more I realize how steady God is. Kristin also talks about how this is not something we can manage, manipulate, force or steal. We can't will it or think it into being. It's not something WE do in other words. It is what it is. It's God. All I have to do is recognize it. The verse she uses for today is one of my faves..."The peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7

I need to take my coffee, go outside and just recognize God. I need to allow His peace to fall on me. I know it is there. I've felt it. I've lived in it. When I fail to recognize it, that is when my insecurities and my weaknesses take over. I've had a week of failing to recognize God's peace. And all it has brought to me is a paralysis of sorts. When I worry, I tend to become paralyzed. I become paralyzed emotionally because fear takes over. I become paralyzed in a practical sense, because as an unorganized person and a lifelong procrastinator, I don't focus on the tasks at hand. I let them overwhelm me. I've had that sort of week also.

So I'm going to take a moment, take a deep breath and simply acknowledge. I'll acknowledge God for who He is. I'll let Him wrap me in His arms, and know that His peace will come on me. I'll have a better day than what I thought I was going to have, because I will let go of my own control. (which ironically leads me down a path of NO control).

Here I am Lord....

Rainy Days

Things To Do on a Rainy Day:

Watch old movies.

Watch new movies.

Listen to some good jazz music.

Bake.

Cook something yummy in the crockpot.

Write letters (yep, good ol' snail mail) to someone you miss.

Read that novel you've been wanting to read.

Enjoy a mug of flavored coffee , hot tea or cocoa.

Wrap up in a blanket and enjoy a nap.

Pop some popcorn.

Have everyone "pile up" on your bed - spouse, kids, dogs - and just talk and laugh.

Play a board game like Scrabble or Pictionary, or one of our latest favorites, Apples to Apples.

Unfortunately, I'm working at the office today, so most of these activities aren't on my agenda. I'm a little jealous because Andy is off duty today, and is home with our oldest daughter, Casie, who is on college fall break. I'm sure Linds is envious as well, as she is sitting in a classroom right now taking a 9 weeks test.

But I will try to do some of those things when I get home. We've decided to go eat at one of our favorite places in Memphis - Huey's. Wonderful burgers and wonderful bacon/cheese fries. One of the best things about Huey's is that they give you a jar full of toothpicks and you shoot them to the ceiling through your straws. We always have a good time doing that and seeing how many we can get to stick in the ceiling tiles. After that, we're costume shopping for Saturday's Halloween party at our house. Lindsey is hosting a great group of girls for an evening of food and games.

We should be home early enough to bake a batch of cookies or brownies, enjoy a warm beverage and play a board game. An old movie might be substituted for a night of baseball playoffs, as we are baseball fans at our house. I will wind down with a nice hot bath, some jazz music and a mystery novel. Before the night is over, I'm sure everyone will end up on our bed and we'll laugh hysterically at funny stories or the funny behavior between our lab and our jack russell. At least I hope so. So many of my favorite times are the times that we are all piled up together....I just look at everyone around me and smile....I feel so happy and full of love. And I will thank God for giving me such a wonderful family, and for filling our home with love and laughter. I will thank Him for the rainy days, and for the chance they give us to slow down and relax. I will thank Him for reminding me that He washes my soul just as the rain washes the earth. I will thank Him for being my refuge when there is a storm. And just as I will thank Him for the sunshine that we are supposed to have tomorrow, I will thank Him for the sunshine that I always see after He has seen me through one of the many storms of life.

Whether your day is rainy or sunny, make the most of it. Enjoy. Love. And thank God.

Why Life in a Hammock?

This is the first day of my "blogging experiment". I have no idea how this will bode for me...or the reason why I'm giving it a shot. But blogging has always interested me somewhat, and I've discovered this year that my life is a continual journey, so putting my thoughts and feelings out there may just be helpful to me.

So, why the title "Life in a Hammock"? Well, I've spent alot of time in our family hammock this year. It's been a very rough and challenging year for me....and I first began going to the hammock out of necessity for some "alone time". If you are a parent, you probably will understand the need for that. The hammock was my retreat...a place that I could cry freely without concerned eyes staring at me and trying to figure out what was up with Mom.

Pretty soon, the hammock became the first thing I would do upon coming home from the office. Well, to be honest, I would change out of office clothes into comfy clothes, make a glass of iced tea, and then I'd be lying in the hammock before you knew it, staring at the beautiful blue sky.

God and I had wonderful talks in the hammock. My prayer time became very personal and full of intensity out in the hammock. For me, there is something wondrous about being outside in God's creation when I pray. I talk easier to Him outdoors than I do anywhere else.

The hammock became my place to read. I read my bible, inspirational books, novels, magazines and cookbooks while lying outside.

After a few weeks, both of my girls began to show interest in the hammock. One at a time, or sometimes both together, they would gravitate outside to where I was and before I knew it, my tranquility and "alone time" would be over. But amazingly, I never felt a grumble in my heart. You see, we were going through a painful time summer, and we needed each other like never before. The hammock became a place of conversation...sometimes silly, sometimes serious. We laughed alot in the hammock. Secrets and feelings were shared. Sometimes we just cuddled and would swing back and forth.

People began to catch onto the fact that my "hammock time" was precious, but no one understood this more than my best friend. She'd call sometimes and ask "Are you in the hammock? I don't want to disturb you". I can't think of a time that I didn't either need or enjoy her phone call, but she's just the type of "real" friend to whom I could've said "Let me call you back" and she would've understood perfectly.

And oh yeah...I forgot to mention the dogs. Cocoa, our loveable lab, and Flash, our active jack russell, both enjoyed laying on the ground right next to the hammock, hoping we'd pick up a ball or frisbee to play with them.

I'm going to enjoy as much of the hammock as I can during these glorious fall days, before we have to put it up for the winter. If I could bring the hammock inside, I would. But something tells me it wouldn't be the same.

But I love my life in a hammock. And my time in my hammock has taught me to enjoy my life no matter where I am.