My Grown Up Christmas List

I love Christmas music....I turned on my XM the day after Thanksgiving to the holiday station and will probably be listening to Christmas music from hereon until Christmas Day. One of my favorite contemporary songs is "My Grown Up Christmas List". I especially love the way Amy Grant sings it.

In one verse her wish is that "love would always win". I like to believe in love always winning.

The photo I've posted above is a picture of a table in my living room. There are some special things about that table. It's a table from my Meme's house, and she was very special to me. So everytime I look at that table, I think of her and smile. Also, the plaque that is on the table is a second-hand treasure that I found in a thrift shop and just fell in love with a few years ago. It cost me practically nothing, and to me the words just symbolize what I feel about family.

Not too long ago, the plaque was accidentally bumped from the table and broken. I cried, not over a broken item, but over the brokenness of a symbol I have grown fond of. You see, my family has been broken this year. But we are still together, and we are working on healing. Andy lovingly and carefully put the pieces back together with some "gorilla glue" and after we let it dry, it was good again. I look at it now, and even the cracks are meaningful. You see, God is MY gorilla glue. When I am broken, He puts me back together and I am bonded to Him through His grace and mercy. I may be bruised and cracked, but I am made whole in Him. My family may take a few hits along the way, we may get battered, but we are healed through Him. He restores us to a place of grace and love.

Are we perfect as a family? Heavens, no. Just like my plaque with its imperfections, we have ours too. But we choose to believe that "love will always win".

And that is my grown-up Christmas list.

Consistent Love

Just now I was listening to a song by JJ Heller...a Christian artist that I was only recently introduced to. Well, introduced to her music, that is. A young woman in college, a dear family friend, sang one of her songs with an acoustic guitar in church a few Sundays ago, and it was quite powerful. The song is titled "Love Me" and is definitely worth listening to. A beautiful song with powerful lyrics. Many people in the congregation, including myself, were moved to tears.

The song asks the question, "Who will love me for me?" not for what we've done, or for what we'll become.

I was listening to the song just now, and am now asking God to help me have that kind of love for the people in my life. I want to model my heart after God's heart. I want to love unconditionally the people He has placed in my life for me to love.

Naturally, I have expectations, as we all do, of the people we know and love. There are certain expectations we have of spouses, of children, of other family members, of our friends, of our leaders, our co-workers, etc. However, I don't ever want anyone to feel that my love and/or acceptance has to be earned. I want the people I love to know that my love is genuine, full of grace, and always there. Since I'm human, that's not always an easy task. I'm sure I fail often. But I want to love as God loves. At least as much as is possible.

I thank God for loving me just for being me. I thank Him that He is consistent, full of abundant grace and mercy, and that His mercies are new each day. I thank Him for the assurance that He will never leave or forsake me. And I thank Him for laying on my heart that I need to learn to see others as He sees them and to love as He loves.

A Wonderful Day

Yummy smells coming from the kitchen (after one major mishap early this morning - which didn't smell so great), my family all mellow and just hanging out, a beautiful sunny day outside, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade earlier this morning, football on this afternoon...

As I busy myself in the kitchen, instead of being stressed over the preparations, timing of the turkey and all the "other little things" I used to stew over...I'm relaxed and I'm happy. If a dish doesn't taste perfect, I'm okay. If the turkey takes a little longer, I'm okay. If my table setting isn't perfect, I'm okay.

I'm surrounded by love and laughter...by history and memories....by wrapped up in the ever faithful presence, grace and love of my Savior.

It's a wonderful day, and I am thankful.

Thankful This Morning

As I sit in the quiet of the morning with my coffee, my heart is smiling. Both of my "chicks" are home in the nest. Casie has made it home from college for her Thanksgiving break. I just peeked on both her and Lindsey....both in their rooms, snoozing away. I smiled in their doorways, not even caring about the mess that lay on the floors in each of their rooms. Just thankful that they are healthy, that they are filled with love, and thankful that they are here. I'll be a little envious as I head off to work this morning...envious that I can't just stay home and hang out. My only consolation will be that knowing them, they'll be sleeping most of the morning away, and wouldn't have been hanging out with me anyway.

I have so much to be thankful for. I plan to write some of my "thanks" into my journal. I find that when I start acknowledging what I am thankful for, I find more and more to thank God for.

The main thanksgiving I have this year is that my family is together. I didn't know that we would be earlier this year. It has been a hurtful and tough year, a year of wounds. But it has been a healing and good year also. Through everything, it has been a grace-filled year. A year of renewal. A year of God's reminder that He is ever faithful to me.

So, as I sit in my home, all cozy and quiet this morning...I am thankful. Thankful for Andy. Thankful for Casie. Thankful for Lindsey. I'm thankful for Cocoa and Flash, who keep us entertained.

Yes, I'm smiling. On the inside and out. A great big ear to ear thankful smile. I think I'll go work on the rest of my "thankful" list now.

Gimme Something Else Lord

Have you ever prayed to God for help with something and then weren't crazy about the solution when He gave it to you? C'mon....I know I'm not the only one. I've had trouble getting out of bed the last couple of weeks, so I've earnestly began praying to God for help in the mornings. I absolutely TREASURE having some time to myself in the quiet of the morning...and when I sleep in and miss it, I start off my day a tad bit cranky. (some in the family might say my crankiness is "more" than a tad) So...the Lord decided to answer my prayer for help this morning. Saturday morning. At 5 am no less. I quickly told Him that I didn't intend for Saturdays to be covered in my prayer. So I rolled over, snuggled deeper into the covers and closed my eyes. Only to find that my lab was jumping up and down to let me know he needed to go outside. Gggrrr. So I get up and let Cocoa out. I run back to the warmth of the bed before my eyes open too wide....or my mind becomes too alert. Aahhh...there's that warm spot. I snuggle back in. Now I hear Cocoa at the back door whining to come back inside. "He's fine" I tell myself. "He's got alot of fur". Then I remember it's 24 degrees outside, and I do love Cocoa. So I get back up and let him in. Now I'm awake. "Gee thanks Lord" is what is running through my head.

Since I'm not alert enough to really read anything yet, I do a couple of chores. I do get to see the beautiful sunrise...one of my favorite times of day. The coffee is great. "Okay, okay Lord. It's not so bad being up this early on a Saturday."

I sit down with my Bible, journal and a couple of devotional books. I began to read. "No....I don't really want that message, Lord. Gimme something else." I thumb through my books again. Nope. Nothing is hitting me like that verse. This can't be what I'm supposed to get this morning. I don't want this. Ever felt that way? The Lord leads you to read something, and the words just jump out at you. Sometimes we're excited....we know it's for us and it's encouraging. Sometimes we're offended. We know it's for us, and we don't want to hear it. This morning, I wasn't offended, but I didn't want that message. I needed something else. Something to make me feel good. This wasn't making me feel good. This was telling me what I should do. I don't want to be told what to do. I want to be made to feel good!

"Lord, we need to talk again. This isn't what I need. Let me thumb back a few pages. Nah, that's not it either. Let me thumb forward. " By now, my thumbs are getting tired. I've looked through the pages fast, I've looked through them slower. I keep coming back to these words.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23

The reason I didn't want to hear this is because we are going through an incredibly stressful and difficult time at work. On a scale of 1-10, we're at about a 15. The work load is huge, the obstacles seem great right now, deadlines are looming, staff doesn't always get along. I wanted a peppy, uplifting verse. I didn't want to hear that I should keep diligent at my work. And with all of my heart???? Are you kidding me Lord? At my job? With these people??? Have you met them?

He assured me that He has met them and loves them. He reminded me that I have this job, hard as it may be right now, at a time when many are losing theirs. He reminded me that this too, shall pass. This time of stress will work itself out and situations will improve.

And as He so often does, He reminded me that He is faithful. He heard my prayer for help and got me out of bed this Saturday morning (even though I didn't mean Saturday in my prayer). He reminded me that He gave me a solution to how I should handle my job right now (even though I desperately tried to help Him find another one....geez, my fingers are tired from flipping through those pages) I was able to see the sunrise, and know it's a new day. And I will do my best to make the most of it.

Thank you Lord.