Grace

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” - Anne Lamott

I am learning so much about God's grace in my life....it's so simple...always there...and yet, because of my own humanity and limited thinking, it still remains a mystery to me in some ways. What I am realizing more and more each year is that I need to analyze it less and simply accept it more. I can do nothing to earn it or deserve it...it's simply a beautiful gift that He freely gives. As the Chris Tomlin lyrics say:
"My chains are gone, I've been set free My God, my Savior has ransomed me And like a flood His mercy reigns Unending love, amazing grace"

I am set free...any chains that I have binding me now are of my own doing, and I am simply not realizing or maybe I'm resisting....but they (the chains) are GONE. And He has poured His unending love and AMAZING grace on me.

I remember as a child loving to play in the sprinkler....the giddy feeling I would get when the water just poured down on me. I want to stand in the waterfall of God's grace...and I want to have that childlike enthusiasm and joy as it pours over me.

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Wounded

I follow a blog called Journey Through Grace. Although I don't know Jayne, I am blessed by her pictures of her yard and the birds daily, and I enjoy her blogs. She has a quote on her page that has been there for some time, but really struck a chord deep within me today.

"It is said that grace enters the soul through a wound." Heather McDonald

I am a wounded person - as we all are. No one goes through life unscathed. Currently, old wounds have resurfaced, and there are plenty of new ones right now. There are some days when I feel that I'm bleeding out.

My prayer is that I will allow grace to enter my soul through my wound. I want fear, bitterness, and distrust to NOT seep in. In the midst of a painful year, I have felt God's grace more deeply than ever before. But I am feeling frightened and vulnerable right now. I don't any junk clogging up my emotions and my thoughts.

When others see me, I don't mind them seeing a woman who is a mess, yes, but more than that, I want them to see that I am living in grace. And that God's grace is good.

Warm Enough for the Hammock

We had a wonderful weekend weather-wise here, and it was a JOY to be able to run out into the backyard and settle into my favorite spot....the hammock.

The hammock where this summer I shed many tears, prayed many prayers, found healing, did some great soul searching, reading, talking to friends on the phone, and spent "girl time" with my daughters.

The backyard is far from pretty....no signs of green yet. But I did refill the bird feeders and found delight in all my feathered friends swooping in for a meal. Even though my grass is brown and my trees are bare, and the yard has that really depressing winter look to it....I found such joy and tranquility in my outdoor respite.

I didn't relax long in the hammock - Casie was home from college, Andy was around, and Lindsey had friends over all weekend...but I did manage to squeeze in a few minutes on both Saturday and Sunday. Enough for some wonderful time with God.....talking to Him, but mainly listening.

Maybe that is one reason I love the hammock so much. I seem to LISTEN better to the voice of God when I am in that spot. There are no distractions, and for some reason, my soul just seems to find rest quickly when I am there.

I am looking forward to more warm days and the upcoming spring. I am looking forward to my hammock time.

Transformation

I have to admit, that I'm an HGTV junkie. Sometimes I can't get enough of the channel...watching shows on landscaping, decorating, remodeling, crafting, etc. And I'm an HGTV dreamer...I dream more about tackling those kinds of projects instead of actually doing them.

The other day I was watching a show that featured everyday people and the arts/crafts that they enjoy doing. A glass blower was featured, and it was really fascinating. He would could transform this nondescript (sometimes ugly) glob of goo into the most beautiful piece of glass artwork. The process included banging, stretching, spinning, firing....all sorts of activity that seemed extremely painful for the object.

I began to think of my own life. I am in the middle of a transformation of sorts....God has taken this rather nondescript soul and has really stretched and spun me as of late. The banging and firing....the really painful part....seems to be more at the hands of myself and others instead of God, and yet, just as the glass blower controls the object during those processes, I have felt God's hand on me throughout all of my pain....and I know He's in control. Just when I think I can't take another blow, I feel Him touching me....and I know that He is at work....and I know that He wants to take me and help me see that I am beautiful, and that He is molding my life into the kind of life He has chosen for me.

Lately, I've wanted to scream "Get me out of the fire"....I'm weary of the painful part of the process. He hasn't got me out, but He has given me rest. And He allows me to see just enough to know that He is in control. The challenge for me is to live with that knowledge that He is in control, and not to let circumstances or relationships control me.

My prayer for today is that I will be willing and compliant as God transforms this life into something beautiful. I want to remember as I'm being spun, hit, stretched and fired that He is the one controlling it all, and He knows what is best. And I want to praise Him now for the outcome, whatever it may be.

Fear and Deliverance

Yesterday someone quoted me something he had read about fear. I can't remember the exact quote, but the shortened version went something like this "Fear is the polio of the soul....". He and I were talking about fears and insecurities that I struggle with. I immediately envisioned my soul being paralyzed and crippled. That is what fear does to me. I start to worry and doubt, my mind goes down roads where there are no answers, and I begin to panic. I always end up in the same state of mind...no answers, no solutions....only fear.

It's funny how the mind and emotions can sabotage us....when I give into my insecurities and fears, I somehow lose the ability to take action. I find myself paralyzed and unable to move forward.

But this morning I read an incredible verse - "Do not be afraid, Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today." Excodus 14:13.

The devotional book I was reading this morning put the emphasis on the word "today". That is a good emphasis for someone like me. I have to realize that I don't have the ability to see into the future (nor would I want to, although there are times I have to admit I think I would....thankfully, the Lord knows me better than I know myself). God will deliver me today. He shines the light on our path just enough.....we don't always have to see what lies ahead. We simply have to trust that He will deliver us today. That is faith.