Well, it's a little after midnite on Saturday, and I should be in bed since we are leaving in the morning heading back home. It's a long 8 hour drive, but I'm not quite ready to hit the hay just yet.
I'm going through that wistful nostalgic feeling of not wanting to head back to home...to reality...to work...to the struggles and stress. But I AM more than ready to give my Lindsey a big ol' bear hug. It's a weird feeling traveling with only part of your family, and not the whole.
I'm learning and RE-learning ('cause I'm slow in this area) just how much of life is about changes, transitions and loss. I'm having to be flexible more than ever in my life...it's all about giving up control...my OWN control...trusting God to take the reins and lead.
Giving up control is hard...loss is hard....the changes and transitions vary from hard to tolerable to getting easier. I'm also at the point where I'm embracing many of the changes, and that is exciting.
Today I am grateful for:
1. Coffee with a friend this weekend.
2. Feeling valued by people. I've been missing that emotionally in a certain area of my life....it's nice to experience it again.
3. Laughter. I know I've listed this one before...but honestly....laughter does have amazing healing power. And I've laughed ALOT on this trip.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Reconnecting
Yesterday was a day of reconnecting for me. It's always great being in my hometown....I seem to just soak up the time I get to spend with my parents, grandmother, my brother and his family. I always walk through the door, and it's as if my worries and stress are able to simply melt away for a few days.
This trip has been no different in that regard. We've laughed alot...I mean REALLY alot. Which tends to be the case. And we've had long talks at length. My life has changed drastically over the last few years, and it has been hard on my parents living 8 hours away and not being geographically closer. And as a parent, I understand that feeling they have had. However, that's probably been very good for me. As I rediscover myself on this journey of life and loss, I've had to lean on the Lord in such a profound way, and I probably would've been tempted to lean on my earthly parents more if they were closer.
But I do treasure these times when I AM able to be close to them and bask in the comfort and love of home.
But another wonderful treat happened on this trip....I've been able to reconnect with two very special people in my life. Both were very special in the past, and remain so today. One of my dearest girlfriends ever, a "heart" friend, as I like to say came to the house and picked me up for lunch. We talked, listened, shared, laughed and were serious for the next 3 hours. It's a treasure when you are able to pick up with someone after a few years, as if it has been only a few days since you talked last.
The other person I was blessed enough to reconnect with, left me with very overwhelming thoughts and emotions. It is simply a person from my past, very very special to me and it was just simply amazing to share a cup of coffee after not seeing one another for 29 years. It was simply....a very good thing.
And of course, the time with my brother, his wife and kids is always fun. The boys are so energetic and full of life....I always want to say "Gimme some of that!" Jason and Wendy are awesome parents, and I love watching the interactions between their family. I'm reminded of how quickly children grow and how much I sometimes miss those times when my girls were younger.
I'm missing Linds like crazy, and am in the mood to tell her so....but since it's 6:30 am on a Saturday morning and she would kill me if I called...I think I'll wait.
This morning I am grateful for:
1. Reconnections.
2. The comfort of a familiar embrace.
3. The inner strength I seem to gather when I am in an environment of love, support and acceptance.
This trip has been no different in that regard. We've laughed alot...I mean REALLY alot. Which tends to be the case. And we've had long talks at length. My life has changed drastically over the last few years, and it has been hard on my parents living 8 hours away and not being geographically closer. And as a parent, I understand that feeling they have had. However, that's probably been very good for me. As I rediscover myself on this journey of life and loss, I've had to lean on the Lord in such a profound way, and I probably would've been tempted to lean on my earthly parents more if they were closer.
But I do treasure these times when I AM able to be close to them and bask in the comfort and love of home.
But another wonderful treat happened on this trip....I've been able to reconnect with two very special people in my life. Both were very special in the past, and remain so today. One of my dearest girlfriends ever, a "heart" friend, as I like to say came to the house and picked me up for lunch. We talked, listened, shared, laughed and were serious for the next 3 hours. It's a treasure when you are able to pick up with someone after a few years, as if it has been only a few days since you talked last.
The other person I was blessed enough to reconnect with, left me with very overwhelming thoughts and emotions. It is simply a person from my past, very very special to me and it was just simply amazing to share a cup of coffee after not seeing one another for 29 years. It was simply....a very good thing.
And of course, the time with my brother, his wife and kids is always fun. The boys are so energetic and full of life....I always want to say "Gimme some of that!" Jason and Wendy are awesome parents, and I love watching the interactions between their family. I'm reminded of how quickly children grow and how much I sometimes miss those times when my girls were younger.
I'm missing Linds like crazy, and am in the mood to tell her so....but since it's 6:30 am on a Saturday morning and she would kill me if I called...I think I'll wait.
This morning I am grateful for:
1. Reconnections.
2. The comfort of a familiar embrace.
3. The inner strength I seem to gather when I am in an environment of love, support and acceptance.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Hometown Continued
I'm immensely enjoying this little trip back to my hometown for a few days. This morning, we drove to Dallas for the ultimate in chick shopping...Sam Moons. Jewelry, purses, more jewelry, belts, more jewelry, etc. I used to absolutely love shopping...these days, I find that I can do with or without it. Part of that is lack of money, and window shopping is a drag. The other part of that is I have simply found it to just not be as fun as before. Don't get me wrong...I like new things, I like splurging a little now and then, I love shopping for my daughters...but I find that I get restless and bored after a little while. Give me a good conversation with a friend anyday over shopping. But today was fun. Hanging out with the folks, Casie and my niece is a treat. Still missing Linds terribly.
After lunch, hit a couple more stores, then enjoyed a nap. It's great being home and knowing that I don't "have" to talk or visit every second of the day. My folks are perfectly fine if I want to slip off and nap awhile. And my sleep is very good when I am here..maybe it has to do with being back in my parents' home and in this place, I don't have to make decisions,think or worry about the daily stuff. I can just come and emotionally collapse.
Went to the Ranger game later with Dad and the girls...being an avid baseball fan, that was a treat. I don't get as excited as I do watching my beloved Cardinals, but it was still fun.
Tomorrow I am having coffee with a very special someone from my past, and lunch with one of my dearest friends. I'm excited about both. Tad nervous about one.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. Being able to simply "be" for a few days....not to be in charge of anyone or anything, not to have to worry or stress...it's a very relaxing feeling.
2. Conversations with special people.
3. Sleep.
After lunch, hit a couple more stores, then enjoyed a nap. It's great being home and knowing that I don't "have" to talk or visit every second of the day. My folks are perfectly fine if I want to slip off and nap awhile. And my sleep is very good when I am here..maybe it has to do with being back in my parents' home and in this place, I don't have to make decisions,think or worry about the daily stuff. I can just come and emotionally collapse.
Went to the Ranger game later with Dad and the girls...being an avid baseball fan, that was a treat. I don't get as excited as I do watching my beloved Cardinals, but it was still fun.
Tomorrow I am having coffee with a very special someone from my past, and lunch with one of my dearest friends. I'm excited about both. Tad nervous about one.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. Being able to simply "be" for a few days....not to be in charge of anyone or anything, not to have to worry or stress...it's a very relaxing feeling.
2. Conversations with special people.
3. Sleep.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Hometown Visit
Tonight I am blogging from my parents' home....and treasuring a few days in the town I grew up in.
Made the roadtrip today with Casie, my oldest, and my 16 year old niece, Haley. Linds is staying in Marion with her dad and friends in order to play the year end softball tournament. I hate leaving her, and I hate missing any of her games. But this was a trip already planned, and Casie had already taken off from her job and is in between university summer sessions....so our dates were unable to change.
The roadtrip was long, but fun. Spending the evening with my folks has been wonderful. We made a trip across town to visit my 92 year old grandmother, who is so precious to me. I treasure any time I am still able to spend with her. Being home is like being wrapped up in a special hug. It is comforting and feels soooo good. Tonight a very dear and old friend asked me how it was going, and those are the words I used. I do feel as if I'm embraced the minute I walk through the doors. And I have REALLY needed some hugging!
Today, I am grateful for:
1. My parents and their unconditional love, support and acceptance.
2. Old friends.
3. Roadtrip zaniness....at least we know how to make 8 hours fun!
Made the roadtrip today with Casie, my oldest, and my 16 year old niece, Haley. Linds is staying in Marion with her dad and friends in order to play the year end softball tournament. I hate leaving her, and I hate missing any of her games. But this was a trip already planned, and Casie had already taken off from her job and is in between university summer sessions....so our dates were unable to change.
The roadtrip was long, but fun. Spending the evening with my folks has been wonderful. We made a trip across town to visit my 92 year old grandmother, who is so precious to me. I treasure any time I am still able to spend with her. Being home is like being wrapped up in a special hug. It is comforting and feels soooo good. Tonight a very dear and old friend asked me how it was going, and those are the words I used. I do feel as if I'm embraced the minute I walk through the doors. And I have REALLY needed some hugging!
Today, I am grateful for:
1. My parents and their unconditional love, support and acceptance.
2. Old friends.
3. Roadtrip zaniness....at least we know how to make 8 hours fun!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Gratitude
I'm enjoying my exercise in "intentional gratitude"....there are so many small things in my life which I overlook, but now that I stop to reflect on these things, I realize the beauty and blessings that surround me.
1. I'm grateful for the plants that are thriving in my yard....despite my unintentional ability to ignore and thus, kill them. Yea for drought tolerant plants! My heart leaps for joy everytime I come home from work and there is still something blooming instead of something brown and withered in my pots.
2. I'm grateful for the young women my girls have grown/are growing into. They are beautiful on the inside and the outside. They give me unlimited amounts of joy. And they can sing classic 70s rock too...wow....what a combination.
3. I'm grateful for a sense of humor. God blessed me with a family that used alot of humor, and somehow I developed a pretty good sense of humor as a result. I've always been attracted to people who display a sense of humor, so most of my friends have a good one. My girls have both developed a dry wit, and keep me laughing alot. We've discovered that laughter truly is a great medicine, and we've needed the healing lately.
Yep, this experiment in intentional gratitude is very good for one's soul. I hope I keep this up.
1. I'm grateful for the plants that are thriving in my yard....despite my unintentional ability to ignore and thus, kill them. Yea for drought tolerant plants! My heart leaps for joy everytime I come home from work and there is still something blooming instead of something brown and withered in my pots.
2. I'm grateful for the young women my girls have grown/are growing into. They are beautiful on the inside and the outside. They give me unlimited amounts of joy. And they can sing classic 70s rock too...wow....what a combination.
3. I'm grateful for a sense of humor. God blessed me with a family that used alot of humor, and somehow I developed a pretty good sense of humor as a result. I've always been attracted to people who display a sense of humor, so most of my friends have a good one. My girls have both developed a dry wit, and keep me laughing alot. We've discovered that laughter truly is a great medicine, and we've needed the healing lately.
Yep, this experiment in intentional gratitude is very good for one's soul. I hope I keep this up.
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