Daughters

With summer vacation wrapping up soon, both of my girls are getting ready for the upcoming semester. Casie, the oldest, is winding down a summer session at her university, and about to begin her last fall semester of undergraduate school. Lindsey, my "baby", is about to begin her first year of junior high.

Whenever we begin the tasks of completing schedules, tuition, teacher meetings, book buying and school supplies; I always find myself waxing nostalgic over the years and being simply amazed at how quickly the years go by. The first picture you see is one of Casie in high school, and Linds was in elementary school. (Go ahead and groan...they did. I always made them pose for "1st day of school" pictures) The second picture is a current one from this year, on a day when Lindsey was going to a semi formal and Casie had come home to help her get ready.

There is a 9 year age difference in my girls....not necessarily planned by us, but just the way that God designed our family. In the very beginning, I worried that the girls would not be emotionally close due to the age difference. I had a very precious friend who was exactly 9 years older than her sister, and shared with me how close the two of them were. I was also reassured by my mother and her relationship with her younger sister - there is 10 years between them and they are close also.

My girls are very tight. They have a bond that is just precious to behold. That doesn't mean there aren't arguments or rolled eyes. Trust me, they can push each other's buttons. But they are fiercely loyal and protective of one another, and they each love and accept the other one unconditionally.

It's been a tough time for the girls. If I could have kept them from the pain of our family dynamics changing, I would have. Much deeper than my own pain has been seeing the pain they feel. But during those times, I remind myself that just as I feel God's healing when I am in pain, so do they. And one thing my girls are learning is that God is ALWAYS there. It's not just a churchy saying or cliche, it's true. We are living it. They are able to see that God doesn't shy away from our pain, anger or confusion. He walks us through it, and when we allow Him, He shows us the way and we are able to see that He has a plan for us to get through it all. While our home has had alot of tears and sadness, there has remained alot of laughter and joy. It's amazing how our Lord makes that happen...but He does. My girls have learned the blessing of God's faithfulness.

Another blessing of tough times is that they bring you closer, if you allow yourself to be real with one another. We are very real. And we are very close.

They are amazing young women, and I am so glad that I was chosen to be their mom. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll look over a few more pictures.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Casie and Lindsey.

2. The relationship they share.

3. Our past, present and future.

Encouragers

I received a wonderful facebook message this morning, as I have every day this week from one of the biggest encouragers I know. I've been blessed with some wonderful friends in my life, and one of the dearest to me is my sister-in-law and precious friend, Debbie. This is a picture of the two of us this summer when she came to visit. I still call her my sister-in-law, although years ago she went through a painful divorce with my brother-in-law, and now I'm going through one myself. However, when we were much younger and met through our connection of each having married into the Dougherty family, we bonded instantly and became lifelong friends, and we both still think of each other as family.

She and I have become each other's biggest encouragers over the years. We had learned we had things in common, and we loved talking about motherhood, arts and crafts, our love of the holidays, and family life together. However, in looking back, I see that our friendship really grew and flourished when she went through a very painful and difficult time. As her marriage began to have problems, we became closer. We corresponded, talked, prayed and cried together. My heart was breaking for her, and I wanted her to know that she was loved and I felt God's urging to really commit to being an encourager and prayer warrior for her. We kept up the closeness even as her marriage sadly ended in a divorce and she became a single mom. With every step she took, whether it was a step forward or a step backward, as so often happens in these storm in life, my respect and love for her grew. I saw a woman who was knocked down by life's events, but who kept getting up and pressing onward. Her faith in God to see her through hard times and His plan for her life amazed me.

As my marriage began to take a very similar path as hers, I looked to her as one of my biggest encouragers. I knew I could share anything with her, that she was a safe shoulder to cry on. Her unconditional love, friendship and support have been one of the biggest blessings in my life.

She and I are comfortable sharing laughter, tears, anger, frustrations, joy....you name it...we share it with one another. We've never lived geographically close except for a very brief period of time in the late 1980s. We've had to work and nurture a long distance friendship. But I'm so thankful that we have chosen to do just that.....I treasure every card, letter, gift, email, facebook message and visit we have shared.

She knows me so well, that she knew when my original hammock broke last summer, that I would be wanting a new one....after all, anyone who knows me, knows that my "hammock time" is where I unwind, where I pray, where I read, where I write, where I feel free to cry when I need to. It's my special spot. Imagine my surprise when I came home from work one day last summer and a large box was on my front porch....with a new hammock ready to be used. Without even seeing a card, I immediately knew who it came from.

Even more than any material gifts we've given back and forth over the years, the gifts of prayer and encouragement are what I treasure the most.

Today I'm grateful for:

1. The encouragers in my life.

2. Friendships that are nurtured and tended to.

3. Debbie.

I've been doing so much needed yardwork the last couple of days, and yardwork in August is not on my list of favorite things to do. It's hot, humid and everything is wilting. I usually wilt myself after just a few minutes.

Alot of flowers are past their blooming season, but my trumpet vine is as orange and vibrant as ever. I have a neighbor who insists its a weed, and deserves to be mowed down. He's even been known to mow down the trumpet vines on the outside of neighbors' fences, whether they want him to or not. If you can buy it in a plant catalog, I'd hardly say it's a weed. All I know is that it attracts the butterflies, and I have a feeling I might see more hummingbirds if it weren't for my jack russell who chases birds all over the place. It also brightens up a corner of my very weathered wooden fence. If my neighbor is correct and it is a weed...well, that's okay too. As a little girl, I would give my mother a bouquet of weeds and she would lovingly water them and place them in a vase or cup for display. Both of my girls have brought me flowering weeds over the years, and I've done the same thing....thanking them, hugging them, and lovingly placing them in a vase. My own girls are too grown to bring me weeds these days, but I hope to have grandchildren bringing me those precious treasures someday in the future.

Maybe the problem is no one has ever given my neighbor a weed bouquet. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder is a true saying....I'm just thankful that I've learned to look for the beauty around me. May my heart never stop melting at a pair of dirty little hands and a dirt covered face bringing me a weed bouquet, and may I always look for the everyday beauty in nature.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Trumpet vines....weed or flower.

2. Bouquets lovingly picked and delivered by dirty smiling faces.

3. The fact that this certain neighbor can't reach MY vine to mow it down.

An Afternoon Alone

It's early Sunday afternoon and the house is quiet again. Just an hour earlier, there was alot of noise and activity. Both girls and both dogs were inside. They have now left for Memphis and lunch with their dad. While it is still a surreal and odd feeling that our family now has this separation and sharing, I think we are slowly becoming accustomed to it. Somedays we do better than others. Somedays, I think one of us or more than one of us, takes a few steps backwards. But we are dealing. We are hanging in there and learning.

Today I was fine as I waved the three of them off. I was glad they were spending the afternoon together. And they are even bringing me back a salad to eat on later. I'm so thankful that we are not in the middle of a situation that is hostile. A lesson that I've been learning and relearning for many years now, is that even in the trials and hard times of life, there are blessings when you open your eyes and look for them. I'm glad their father and I are working at re-establishing our friendship and some form of partnership, even though it is vastly different than marriage.

After they drove away, I busied myself cutting up fresh peaches, sprinkling them with sugar and placing in a big bowl in the fridge. When the girls are back later, we will make peach milkshakes. As I was in the kitchen cutting up the peaches and smelling the wonderful aroma, I was taken back in time to my great-grandmother's kitchen. She always had peaches in her freezer that she had put away during the summer. We could bring those out and have them over ice cream or she could make a cobble anytime of the year.

I also made mixed together some hummingbird nectar and poured into the feeder to place outside. I stepped out on the deck, and was assaulted by a heat index of 110, and decided the hummingbird feeder could be hung later this evening.

I have a good book I'm reading, and I think I'll read it for a little while and then take a quick nap before they come back. Although there are many times that I don't like the quantity of aloneness that is now in my life, I am adapting and learning to make it mine. I can be as busy as I want, or I can use this time to regroup, refresh and heal.

Today I am thankful for:

1. The taste and smell of sweet summer peaches, and the memories that are evoked.

2. Leisurely Sunday afternoons.

3. Knowing that God is at work in our lives...even when sometimes it is hard to see. I know that my faith has grown when I am resting in the "knowing".

Detours

It's Saturday morning, and I'm propped up in bed, with the house quiet around me. I've had time to do a little reflecting this morning.

Last night I was at a surprise birthday party for one of my dearest friends. His wife had planned the whole thing very well, and the party was at the home of other dear friends. There were about 30 people and the guest of honor was surprised and it was a huge hit. I laughed and enjoyed being there....I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else last night.

And yet....I found myself wistful and sad that my separated spouse wasn't there. Alot of the guests last night were people we've had a long history with. Four of them (including the birthday boy, er, 50 year old man) were our dearest friends. I was the only single person there, and it was just an odd feeling. One I am having to get used to, but not quite there yet. I seemed to be extra observant of the spouse who would go bring his/her partner a drink refill,or ask if they wanted something extra from the buffet. I miss alot of little things like that. I found myself sad and even a little angry at him that he wasn't there to be a part of the laughter and celebration.

When the party was winding down and guests were saying goodnight, I walked to the car and then got inside and shed a few tears on the way home. The tears didn't last long, but they felt better just being released.

I was reading this morning in a book that I've really enjoyed "Walking with God on the Road You Never Wanted to Travel". It's a book I am taking my time reading, because I am really reflective and writing alot as I read it. I started a new chapter this morning called "Detours". And I realized...last night was simply a small detour on my road of healing. I have had many moments of missing my husband and married life, and I know I will have some more on this journey. As long as I can recognize them for what they are, and continue to go to my Heavenly Father for healing, I will go through these detours and come out okay on the other end.

I'm glad it's Saturday, that I've been to be a little lazy this morning and have this time of quiet reflection and renewal.

Casie came home for the weekend last night...that's always a good thing. She and I have plans later this afternoon to head to Memphis and just spend an evening together. Lindsey and every other 13 year old girl in town is pumped up for the "Justin Bieber" concert in Memphis tonight, and the young teenage world is buzzing in our small southern town. We'll be helping her pick out just the PERFECT jeans and tshirt for the concert, I am sure. Thankfully, another mom is actually attending the concert and I don't have to. I haven't quite acquired "Bieber fever" yet.

Time to move on from being propped up in bed to my feet hitting the floor and beginning this day.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Friends and celebrations.

2. Detours, reflections and healing.

3. Time with my girls.