Hide and Seek

My morning started off in a less than favorable way. After being awakened by my lab, Cocoa, I groggily got up at 5:50 this morning to let out the dogs. About 5 minutes later, when I opened the back door to let them, 2 eagerly came running and 1 was missing. I stepped out onto the deck and began to call for Beau. No movement, no sound. Not good. Especially after remembering that there is a spot by our gate where a small dog can easily squeeze through.

Beau is Casie's dog, a sweet rescue dog that she got from the Animal Shelter. Beau had been rescued from an animal hoarding situation, and we all fell in love with him. The intention was for Beau to be living with Casie in her apartment in Conway, but new management moved in, and pets are no longer allowed. Hence, Beau is staying with me (his doggy grandmom) for the time being.

Cutting to the chase..Beau was found. But not until after I had climbed into my car with pjs, slippers, a really bad case of bedhead, and doggie treats to entice Beau should I find him wandering the neighborhood. I drove all around our streets, windows down, calling out his name. It wasn't until I pulled back into our driveway, worried and plotting a new strategy that I saw Beau, standing on the side of our house, barking at our gate hoping to get back in. I'm not sure where he had been hiding, but I was certainly glad he was back.

After my search, worry, and relief and joy in having found Beau...I began to think. I thought about how many times God has sought me out when I have gone AWOL. I thought about my relationships with others....do I search for them, seeking them out if they have taken a step backwards or have theoretically "run away" or have "hidden" from our friendship? Or am I too busy, neglectful, or just assuming that they will "return" when they are ready? How guilty am I of taking relationships for granted?

Maybe Beau wasn't running away. Maybe he was just on a stroll through the neighborhood to see what was going on. But if I can jump in my car with bedhead and pj's, searching for a dog...surely I can take the time to continually seek out my Savior, and to make sure that I am cognizant of what is going on in my family members' and my friends' lives. So, I've been reflective all day long...thinking about my role in relationships.

So if we haven't talked in awhile, don't be surprised if one morning you get an early phone call or hear a knock on your door and find me standing in pj's, with bedhead and a cup of coffee.

Broken, Healing and Loving

Everyone goes through pain in their life at some point or another, and most of us, if not all, will experience a broken heart at some point. Our hearts can break for reasons other than a failed relationship or, in my case, marriage.

In all honesty, I was dreading this day. I've always been a sappy sentimentalist when it comes to Valentine's Day. I'm a sucker for a card, fresh flowers...and I drool at the sight of chocolate. (and yes, I'm wiping Dove chocolate from the corner of my mouth as I type) I love the candlelight dinners, the ooey gooey poetry and all that stuff. I was proposed to on Valentines Day way back in what seems like the ancient year of 1985, and it was a wonderfully romantic proposal, so my brain kept dredging up THAT memory. All in all, my normally chipper mood began to darken...and I found myself wanting to smash every heart and Cupid that I began to see this month.

However, in my continual endeavor to be proactive and not let my moods or feelings dictate my life, I decided to embrace Valentine's Day this year. I decorated my mantle in the living room with red candles, made a pretty nice silk arrangement of gorgeous red flowers (if I do say so myself), brought out the decorations I've used in the past, hung my small Valentines garden flag in the front, and placed a heart wreath on the porch. On the days I didn't want to smash my red and pink items, I found them to be rather happy looking. And I began to remind myself that love IS something I enjoy in my life, and I plan on keeping it there.

I may not currently have a soulmate or romantic love in my life, and I'm not sure, in all honesty, if I'll find that again. I hope I do. But....regardless of that status, I am blessed...because I AM LOVED AND I DO STILL LOVE.

I am totally in love with motherhood, and with my girls. I have the love of parents, a grandmother, siblings, sister in law, brother in law and awesome nieces and nephews that bring me immense joy. I have friends that absolutely rock my world. I have so many amazing people in my life, and I treasure the chance to love them and be loved in return.

Most of all, I have the love of my Heavenly Father...who has so tenderly and gently caught every tear that I cried, held me in His gentle, yet strong and sheltering Hands. I was broken, but I am healing. I'm not all the way there yet...but that's okay. I've learned it's a journey more than a destination. And yes, I'm still loving.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Sunshine!

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

My excitement over today's sunshine and warmer temps are hard to contain at this moment. While I love the changing of seasons, and getting to experience all four seasons...I'm a southern gal at heart, and this winter's snows have been a little much for me. I'm ready to say "adios" to the bitter cold, the inclement weather and overcast days. I am longing for sunshine and spring. We are entering a warming trend for the next several days which will have us hitting the 70 degree mark by the week's end, and this ol' chick couldn't be happier.

To shake off my winter doldrums, I've bought inexpensive bouquets of fresh tulips the last 3 weeks and placed them in a vase on my table. They're an instant mood-lifter. And I've been perusing flower and seed catalogs envisioning my dead brown yard of dirt and sticks transforming into a mini version of the Memphis Botanic Gardens. I've actually ordered seeds which have already arrived, and for those of you who know me, it will be an accomplishment if they make it from the seed packet to the soil. I tend to not have the patience for seeds, and end up buying established plants for the instant gratification. I'll still do that once the flowers hit the nurseries in a couple of months, but I'm working on practicing the discipline of patience, so I'm actually hoping to start my seeds this season, nurture them and watch them grow.

In some ways, I feel like a tender young seed...ironic, since I'm a middle aged woman. But having started a new phase in life, I'm in a phase of rediscovering and redefining who I am as a woman. I'm so glad that God isn't lacking in patience like I am! He's planted me in new soil at this part of my life...I've been uprooted from married life and transplanted into singlehood. My roots aren't sturdy or well-established yet, but I AM rooted in the soil of God's garden....He is providing me shelter, He is giving me nutrition, and He is helping my root system to grow. I'm anxious to see what blossoms in my new life, and I hope that I become the woman that God has designed me to be.

The Key

I don't know about everyone else, but for me, it is so easy to get off track. I can be humming along life quite nicely, when all of sudden, I realize that I'm off kilter, something is askew emotionally or spiritually, I've lost track of my goals, my schedule, I forget to contact that friend who might need an ear that day. I often ignore that little tugging within, and continue at my busy pace, doing life my own way...when all of a sudden I realize that my calm has been replaced with chaos, my peace has been ursurped with worries and fears, and when I stop for even a moment...I realize that I am the one responsible.

See...I know what it takes for me to live each day abundantly. It's "the Key". And for me, that means starting off my day earlier and taking time to be still, to read, to worship, to fellowship, to both talk AND listen to the Father. I'm not legalistic about rituals or scheduling at all...what works for me isn't necessarily what works for others. As long as we are spending time with God, He doesn't give a hoot what time of day it is. He simply says "Come...sit with me, let's spend time together." But for me, my days and my life overall seem to go much better when I start off with the Lord. I feel refreshed, lifted up, calmed, eager for the day, blessed, and my eyes and heart just seem to be more open to the people around me, and what they are going through or dealing with on that day.

I cease to be self-centered and become Christ-centered. And for me....THAT is the key.

Extreme Balance

It's early Saturday morning, and all is quiet. Coffee is brewed and I am about to sit and jot down my "to do" list for the weekend. I feel a little overwhelmed at many things that need to be done, and trying to fit in things that I "want" to do. I'm looking for that balance this weekend...the balance of accomplishing the menial tasks and also accomplishing a little "me" time.

A current trend in pop culture these days is "extreme"...."Extreme Makeovers", "Extreme Makeover Home Edition", "Extreme Sports", "Extreme Championship Fighting", "Extreme Videos", "Extreme Couponing" (yes..there IS a show on TLC), Animal Planet has "The Most Extreme", and I recently saw "The Most Extreme Hotels" on the Travel Channel. As if "Hoarders" weren't bad enough, we now have "Extreme Hoarders". We are a culture preoccupied with the word "extreme".

Webster's defines extreme as: 1) exisiting in a very high degree 2) going to great or exaggerated lengths 3) exceeding the ordinary, usual or expected.

For some reason, balance seems hard for me. And now I feel like I need "Extreme Balance". What's a gal to do?

For some reason, my personality is one that tends to go to extremes. I will either work myself to death on a weekend, only to find myself bone tired on Sunday night; or I will relax and "play" all weekend...enjoying books, movies, my girls, friends...but on Sunday will find myself running around to accomplish at least ONE thing that was on my to do list.

So this morning, I am looking for "Extreme Balance". I want to go to great lengths and exceed the usual in my time off. I want to mark off some tasks and mark off several chapters in one of the books I'm dying to read. I want to mark off the grocery shopping and also mark off a movie.

I'll let you know how it goes...if I'm successful, maybe I can have a show.