Making All Things New

We're getting into the middle of March, and spring is officially right around the corner.  My yard is currently a combination of dead winter grass, mud from the rains, bare limbed trees begging to be pruned...but also there is new green grass peeking through, buds on the bare trees, and the early-bird specials are blooming.  I have daffodils, hyacinth and forsythia greeting me in the midst of my neglected winter yard.

I'm ready for more sunshine and warmer weather.  I'm ready to put on the gloves and start cleaning out the stuff that needs to be cleaned out.  I'm ready for the plants that are peeking up out of the ground to have room to burst forth and grow.

Spring is a wonderful time...the earth starts to bounce back from the dead of winter and is full of life again.  My dear friend Vicki and I have been listening to the birds chattering and singing outside our office windows and door this week.  Even though I haven't made the time yet to put cleanup effort into my yard, the signs of new life can't be stopped. 

A favorite passage of mine is "See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come." Song of Solomon 2: 11-12.  I often wondered if this verse would still have meaning for me, at one time in my life, 25 years ago, it was a special verse, shared between my ex-husband and me.  It had very personal meaning for the two of us, and many things that were personal and meaningful to us as a couple, I have found too painful to embrace in my singleness.

But the amazing thing I am reminded of is that the Scriptures are holy.  They are God's words.  Not mine, not my former husband's.  This passage is still one of my favorites, but my reasons have changed.  God's words and promises have not. 

I wondered if my season of winter would ever end.  And I am speaking of the winter in my heart, and in my soul.  God has done some amazing winter cleanup throughout my entire life, but over the last 3 years, there has been more clean up than ever.  I am coming up out of the mud, struggling to bloom..but with God's healing, I shall.  A part of me has felt "dead" for a long time.  Sometimes we feel dead to avoid pain, or sometimes the deadness is a numbing that happens as a result of too much pain.  Whatever it was for me, (and I'm sure it was both at different times)...the deadness is changing and being replaced with new life.  I know I'm not completely over the grief of a broken family after 23 years, but I feel the restoration.  I see signs of spring in my soul.  God has been replacing old thoughts with new ones, old emotions with new and healed emotions, a dead heart with a heart full of life, a broken soul with a soul that wants to continually seek Him. 

I am reading a book called Desire: The Journey We Must Take to Find the Life God Offers by John Eldredge. There is a chapter entitled "The Great Restoration" in which the author talks about spring returning to our souls.  I love the poem he quotes:

                 Grief melts away
                 Like snow in May
                 As if there were no such cold thing.
                 Who would've thought my shrivel'd heart
                 Could have recover'd greennesse?  It was gone
                  quite underground.

                 And now in age I bud again,
                 After so many deaths I live and write;
                 I once more smell the dew and rain,
                 And relish versing: O my only light
                 It cannot be
                 that I am he
                 On whom they tempests fell all night.

                                                  ('The Flower' George Herbert)


Eldredge questions the reader "Can it really happen?  Can our lives be green again?"  He also goes on to point out that we have practically accepted the winter of our life for what is is, striving to find life wherever we can.  That is very true of me in my divorce recovery.  I have intentionally recognized that I have to accept this season in my life, embrace it, honor it, grieve it, but still move forward looking for life where I can.  However, in my intentional journey of healing, one thing I overlooked is that spring always comes.  Oh, I know this in the back of my mind.  I know this in my heart.  I know that God is always at work.  But I still am surprised when I see the first daffodil poking through the muddy wintry ground.  I still love driving home each day and finding something new and colorful that has emerged.  And I love waking up in the mornings and finding that I am joyful and smiling and healing more than I am hurting now; and peaceful in the knowledge that when I do hurt (and yes, life will always have hurts for us all) that God is already there...comforting, soothing, healing and restoring. 

The Perils of Penelope Pitstop

One of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons from when I was a little girl was the show "The Perils of Penelope Pitstop".  I remember being extremely impressed by her cool car, and the way that she never showed distress in her unending predicaments.  Sure, she might call out "H-E-E-E-L-P" in her southern voice, but she usually was formulating her own plan for escape (along with the help of her friends, The Ant Hill Gang)  Sylvester Sneekly, disguised as the "Hooded Claw" was the villain, out to destroy Penelope.

The show would usually start out with "Last time we left Penelope, she was in the clutches of the Hooded Claw".  And that poor girl just seemed to go from one peril to another...nonstop drama I tell you.  Of course, no harm ever came to Penelope, and the show would usually end with the Hooded Claw saying "I'll get you Penelope Pitstop".

Since life is fluid and life is constantly changing, we go through smooth times and we go through rocky times.  Often during the rockier times, I feel as if I'm a "Penelope", going from one peril to another.  Just as Penelope would usually end up tied to a railroad track, or tied up in chair, and unable to move; I sometimes feel as if I'm bound by the problems in life and a big ol' train is bearing down on me.  That's not just life for me, that's life for all of us.  We all have Sylvester Sneeklys in our lives...they need not be people, they can just be life's problems.

Life can be a roller coaster, full of ups and downs.  But the reassuring promise we have, as believers, is that God is bigger than any problems in our life.  He is bigger than addictions, divorce, disease, failures, problems with our kids, struggles with friendships, financial worries, career worries, the loss of someone we love.  Whatever it is that life throws at us...He is bigger than.  God doesn't manipulate us like puppets on a string, He doesn't prevent anything bad from ever happening in our lives.  But He does promise that He will be with us.

I love Exodus 14:13-14 where we are told "Do not be afraid, Stand firm and you will the deliverance the Lord will bring you today....the Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still."

Penelope never seemed to panic as I mentioned before.  She would be still and call out "H-E-E-E-L-P" (I just love the way she did that in her southern drawl, making the one syllable word two syllables!) That's what I need to do when I feel are bound by my problems, be still, and call out "Help" to the Lord. 

I was reminded of this as I was reading from "Jesus Calling"....and I quote, "..humbly bring Me in your prayers and petitions.  Your problems will pale when you view them in the Light of My Presence.  And right before I read those words, I had a friend tell me to "give myself a break, turn it over to HIM and BREATHE."

The good news is that not only is God right there beside me, but unlike Penelope, I am not in the clutches of the Hooded Claw.  I'm in the Hands of my Savior.

Hide and Seek

My morning started off in a less than favorable way. After being awakened by my lab, Cocoa, I groggily got up at 5:50 this morning to let out the dogs. About 5 minutes later, when I opened the back door to let them, 2 eagerly came running and 1 was missing. I stepped out onto the deck and began to call for Beau. No movement, no sound. Not good. Especially after remembering that there is a spot by our gate where a small dog can easily squeeze through.

Beau is Casie's dog, a sweet rescue dog that she got from the Animal Shelter. Beau had been rescued from an animal hoarding situation, and we all fell in love with him. The intention was for Beau to be living with Casie in her apartment in Conway, but new management moved in, and pets are no longer allowed. Hence, Beau is staying with me (his doggy grandmom) for the time being.

Cutting to the chase..Beau was found. But not until after I had climbed into my car with pjs, slippers, a really bad case of bedhead, and doggie treats to entice Beau should I find him wandering the neighborhood. I drove all around our streets, windows down, calling out his name. It wasn't until I pulled back into our driveway, worried and plotting a new strategy that I saw Beau, standing on the side of our house, barking at our gate hoping to get back in. I'm not sure where he had been hiding, but I was certainly glad he was back.

After my search, worry, and relief and joy in having found Beau...I began to think. I thought about how many times God has sought me out when I have gone AWOL. I thought about my relationships with others....do I search for them, seeking them out if they have taken a step backwards or have theoretically "run away" or have "hidden" from our friendship? Or am I too busy, neglectful, or just assuming that they will "return" when they are ready? How guilty am I of taking relationships for granted?

Maybe Beau wasn't running away. Maybe he was just on a stroll through the neighborhood to see what was going on. But if I can jump in my car with bedhead and pj's, searching for a dog...surely I can take the time to continually seek out my Savior, and to make sure that I am cognizant of what is going on in my family members' and my friends' lives. So, I've been reflective all day long...thinking about my role in relationships.

So if we haven't talked in awhile, don't be surprised if one morning you get an early phone call or hear a knock on your door and find me standing in pj's, with bedhead and a cup of coffee.

Broken, Healing and Loving

Everyone goes through pain in their life at some point or another, and most of us, if not all, will experience a broken heart at some point. Our hearts can break for reasons other than a failed relationship or, in my case, marriage.

In all honesty, I was dreading this day. I've always been a sappy sentimentalist when it comes to Valentine's Day. I'm a sucker for a card, fresh flowers...and I drool at the sight of chocolate. (and yes, I'm wiping Dove chocolate from the corner of my mouth as I type) I love the candlelight dinners, the ooey gooey poetry and all that stuff. I was proposed to on Valentines Day way back in what seems like the ancient year of 1985, and it was a wonderfully romantic proposal, so my brain kept dredging up THAT memory. All in all, my normally chipper mood began to darken...and I found myself wanting to smash every heart and Cupid that I began to see this month.

However, in my continual endeavor to be proactive and not let my moods or feelings dictate my life, I decided to embrace Valentine's Day this year. I decorated my mantle in the living room with red candles, made a pretty nice silk arrangement of gorgeous red flowers (if I do say so myself), brought out the decorations I've used in the past, hung my small Valentines garden flag in the front, and placed a heart wreath on the porch. On the days I didn't want to smash my red and pink items, I found them to be rather happy looking. And I began to remind myself that love IS something I enjoy in my life, and I plan on keeping it there.

I may not currently have a soulmate or romantic love in my life, and I'm not sure, in all honesty, if I'll find that again. I hope I do. But....regardless of that status, I am blessed...because I AM LOVED AND I DO STILL LOVE.

I am totally in love with motherhood, and with my girls. I have the love of parents, a grandmother, siblings, sister in law, brother in law and awesome nieces and nephews that bring me immense joy. I have friends that absolutely rock my world. I have so many amazing people in my life, and I treasure the chance to love them and be loved in return.

Most of all, I have the love of my Heavenly Father...who has so tenderly and gently caught every tear that I cried, held me in His gentle, yet strong and sheltering Hands. I was broken, but I am healing. I'm not all the way there yet...but that's okay. I've learned it's a journey more than a destination. And yes, I'm still loving.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Sunshine!

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

My excitement over today's sunshine and warmer temps are hard to contain at this moment. While I love the changing of seasons, and getting to experience all four seasons...I'm a southern gal at heart, and this winter's snows have been a little much for me. I'm ready to say "adios" to the bitter cold, the inclement weather and overcast days. I am longing for sunshine and spring. We are entering a warming trend for the next several days which will have us hitting the 70 degree mark by the week's end, and this ol' chick couldn't be happier.

To shake off my winter doldrums, I've bought inexpensive bouquets of fresh tulips the last 3 weeks and placed them in a vase on my table. They're an instant mood-lifter. And I've been perusing flower and seed catalogs envisioning my dead brown yard of dirt and sticks transforming into a mini version of the Memphis Botanic Gardens. I've actually ordered seeds which have already arrived, and for those of you who know me, it will be an accomplishment if they make it from the seed packet to the soil. I tend to not have the patience for seeds, and end up buying established plants for the instant gratification. I'll still do that once the flowers hit the nurseries in a couple of months, but I'm working on practicing the discipline of patience, so I'm actually hoping to start my seeds this season, nurture them and watch them grow.

In some ways, I feel like a tender young seed...ironic, since I'm a middle aged woman. But having started a new phase in life, I'm in a phase of rediscovering and redefining who I am as a woman. I'm so glad that God isn't lacking in patience like I am! He's planted me in new soil at this part of my life...I've been uprooted from married life and transplanted into singlehood. My roots aren't sturdy or well-established yet, but I AM rooted in the soil of God's garden....He is providing me shelter, He is giving me nutrition, and He is helping my root system to grow. I'm anxious to see what blossoms in my new life, and I hope that I become the woman that God has designed me to be.