Twice in One Day???

I don't think I've ever posted twice in one day before, but as I sit in my favorite chair tonight, unwinding after a very long (but good) day, I find myself wanting to write.

I took a major step in my journey tonight....I actually drove myself to a DivorceCare Recovery Group at a church in Memphis. I'm not a person who wakes up each day eager to embrace the unknown, I like the comfort of the tried and true. So to actually walk into a room in a fairly unknown place and open up was W-A-A-A-Y out of my comfort zone.

For a few weeks, I've realized that I was battling stagnancy. After having taking so many positive steps forward, I have felt like I could go no further. After alot of thinking, prayer, some much needed sleep, and talking to my closest friends, I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I had gone as far as I could with the tools I have had. I have loved the excellent Christian counseling I have been to, I have read books, done the emotional exercises, spent alot of time alone with God, and made myself take positive steps in rediscovering myself. And yet....something has been missing lately. I couldn't put my finger on it, and I'm still not sure I can. But I realized I needed to "shake it up". By "it" I mean my healing process.

Although I dearly love my very small town, one of the downsides is that everyone knows everyone else's business. I'm a pretty private person, and so I knew that a divorce recovery group in my town wouldn't be for me. I'm glad that some of our local churches are offering recovery and support groups. I think it's time the church embrace the wounded. But I knew I would be more comfortable in a group setting where the people wouldn't already know me...where I could feel free to share my soul and not worry about running into that person at the grocery store the next day. Some people would like that familiarity, for me...I knew I needed some distance and to meet some new people.

So I found out about a group that meets at a church I have visited before in Memphis. It's an awesome church, and I've been there for different events and some worship services. And although I have known this was going to be a good thing, I can't even begin to tell you the reasons I came up with for not going. They played over and over in my head all day, and the entire drive from my office to the church tonite. They played over and over as I walked up the stairs. But then, I met people...people walking in smiling sheepishly, politely offering the seat next to them to someone else. And I saw pain in their eyes. A pain I recognized. A pain I am familiar with. A pain I wish I didn't have. Although I was in a room full of hurting people, and strangers nonetheless, I immediately felt connected. I knew I was where I needed to be.

Tonight was introductions and a brief telling of our individual stories. There were about 35 people in the room, both men and women, and 35 different stories. I didn't want to talk, but I'm not sure any of us did at first. But we all took a chance and opened up "just a little". And although I can't say I enjoyed the evening, I can say that it was good.

I'm back home now, feet propped up in my chair, I've lit a couple of pumpkin spice candles, I'm listening to music and I am smiling. Smiling because I took a chance to try something new, and it was something that I needed, and even after just one night, I feel a burden has been slightly lifted. Nothing has changed, other than I'm not stagnant tonight.