The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Yesterday one of my dearest friends was given some news that is pretty shattering. I won't go into details, as she is still processing it all herself. Let's just say that when a friend is hurting, you want to be there to help. If you can't help, you just want to be there.

A couple of hours after her news, "our gang" descended upon her home. We all just wanted to love her, to listen, to talk, to shed a tear, to laugh, and to just be with her. As I looked around the table at us sitting there in her kitchen, I thought of our threads of friendship...the threads that bind us. We've known each other for years, some of us have a longer history with one another. We've gone through all sorts of hardships as well as joys together. You could say that we've been through "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" with one another. As I looked at our group of friends, I thought about the comfort and safety that comes from knowing each other well enough to not let the bad or the ugly keep us from lifting one another up....and that's what makes it good.

Life isn't easy. Life throws us curveballs. Life gets messy. But what a joy it is when you have a group of friends who love you through it all.

Here's to my friend who has been thrown a curveball.....we're all here with you....and we wouldn't be anywhere else.

Twice in One Day???

I don't think I've ever posted twice in one day before, but as I sit in my favorite chair tonight, unwinding after a very long (but good) day, I find myself wanting to write.

I took a major step in my journey tonight....I actually drove myself to a DivorceCare Recovery Group at a church in Memphis. I'm not a person who wakes up each day eager to embrace the unknown, I like the comfort of the tried and true. So to actually walk into a room in a fairly unknown place and open up was W-A-A-A-Y out of my comfort zone.

For a few weeks, I've realized that I was battling stagnancy. After having taking so many positive steps forward, I have felt like I could go no further. After alot of thinking, prayer, some much needed sleep, and talking to my closest friends, I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I had gone as far as I could with the tools I have had. I have loved the excellent Christian counseling I have been to, I have read books, done the emotional exercises, spent alot of time alone with God, and made myself take positive steps in rediscovering myself. And yet....something has been missing lately. I couldn't put my finger on it, and I'm still not sure I can. But I realized I needed to "shake it up". By "it" I mean my healing process.

Although I dearly love my very small town, one of the downsides is that everyone knows everyone else's business. I'm a pretty private person, and so I knew that a divorce recovery group in my town wouldn't be for me. I'm glad that some of our local churches are offering recovery and support groups. I think it's time the church embrace the wounded. But I knew I would be more comfortable in a group setting where the people wouldn't already know me...where I could feel free to share my soul and not worry about running into that person at the grocery store the next day. Some people would like that familiarity, for me...I knew I needed some distance and to meet some new people.

So I found out about a group that meets at a church I have visited before in Memphis. It's an awesome church, and I've been there for different events and some worship services. And although I have known this was going to be a good thing, I can't even begin to tell you the reasons I came up with for not going. They played over and over in my head all day, and the entire drive from my office to the church tonite. They played over and over as I walked up the stairs. But then, I met people...people walking in smiling sheepishly, politely offering the seat next to them to someone else. And I saw pain in their eyes. A pain I recognized. A pain I am familiar with. A pain I wish I didn't have. Although I was in a room full of hurting people, and strangers nonetheless, I immediately felt connected. I knew I was where I needed to be.

Tonight was introductions and a brief telling of our individual stories. There were about 35 people in the room, both men and women, and 35 different stories. I didn't want to talk, but I'm not sure any of us did at first. But we all took a chance and opened up "just a little". And although I can't say I enjoyed the evening, I can say that it was good.

I'm back home now, feet propped up in my chair, I've lit a couple of pumpkin spice candles, I'm listening to music and I am smiling. Smiling because I took a chance to try something new, and it was something that I needed, and even after just one night, I feel a burden has been slightly lifted. Nothing has changed, other than I'm not stagnant tonight.

Seasons

I love the changing of seasons - especially this time of year. But the title of this blog isn't referring to nature, but to the seasons we go through in life.

To borrow a phrase from a friend of mine in Virginia, I am going through a "tough season". I'm not the only one...many I know are going through a tough season in life.

Lately, I've had a hard time getting going in the mornings. This is unusual, because unlike my teenage/college years, I've grown into a morning person. I love being up before anyone else and having time to myself, and time alone with God. I also am a person who struggles with insomnia, and so I think my body is just rebelling when the alarm clock goes off. Some mornings I haven't been asleep that long.

But I made a point to wake up this morning in time to see the sunrise. I'm still waiting for that moment...in about 10 minutes it should be lovely.

As I woke up and began catching up on emails, facebook and blogs, I read my friend's post from Virginia and came across her words of "tough season". She was referring to dear friends of hers from church. She has used this phrasing often in her writings. Another friend of mine asked for prayer for her son, who needs to accomplish a difficult task. Another friend of mine is going through a tough season this week and I feel totally helpless. She isn't sure how long her season will last. A family here in town has one daughter with a terminal illness that they are taking care of, and lost their other young adult son in a car wreck this weekend. My family is in a tough season.

We go through different seasons in life....seasons of abundance, seasons of difficulty, seasons of doubt, seasons of change, seasons of pain. I will say that in my own life, most of God's work in me happens during the "tough seasons". Some seasons last longer than others, and we grow weary. I know I am. I know all of the people I mentioned above grow weary.

But just as the sun rises each morning, so does my hope and faith in the Lord. Each day is new, full of opportunities and blessings. Our seasons will usually last through many sunrises, but on this morning, I am glad that I managed to stumble out of bed, catch up with my friends, spend time in prayer and watch the beginning of a new day...a day that still finds me in a tough season, but a new day nonetheless. A day in which I am privileged to pray for my friends, and also to be lifted in prayer by these same friends. A day in which God is walking with me, as always.

The Sound of Silence

I haven't posted in about 4 days, my keyboard has been silent. That doesn't mean that my thoughts and feelings have stopped....there are just times when I need to sit back and "ponder" as we say here in the South.

My day to day life is as busy as ever, and I seem to be on the go most of the time. However, when I have been home, I've found myself just in a state of reflection. Nothing really to share as of yet, but I'm still here.

Pacing Myself

I'm not a runner (and those of you who know me can stop rolling on the floor at this understatement) but I do have alot of friends who enjoy running. Seems that most of them who start off running for exercise end up doing the 5k, 10k marathon things. My brother has even done triathalons and I think one 26k. The concept of these marathons blows my hammock loving mind. But I have the utmost respect for these friends of mine, and anyone who attempts and accomplishes this kind of feat.

One thing I do know about running a marathon is that the runners pace themselves in order to finish. I've been thinking alot about pacing lately.

My journey of healing has been a marathon of sorts. It has been long, tiring, and taken more determination and perserverance than I ever knew I was capable of. Sometimes I feel like I see the finish line in the distance, and then something happens, and I have a setback. Or I think to myself "Did someone just MOVE the finish line?"

One common thing that I have heard over and over from some very wise people who have had to go through healing of some sort is that I CANNOT rush myself through this. If I try to cross that finish line before I am totally healed, it will come back sometime later in my future and I'll just have to deal with it again. So, I'm learning to pace myself. I feel that sometimes people around me who care so deeply are anxious for me to stop hurting, and I understand that. I hate seeing the people I care about in any kind of pain as well. I'm ready to stop hurting also.

But I am good...I am going the distance. It IS a marathon. I don't know how long it's going to take. But with every step, I'm closer. I'm not going to rush through because I'm tired of it, or because I think it will make others happier around me if I finish. When I cross that finish line, I want it to be for good. I don't want to be sent back later to do it all over.

I'm normally an impatient person...I want quick results. One thing (out of many) that God is showing me about myself during this time, is that some things are worth the wait. Some things in life need to be taken slow. This marathon is one of those things. So...yep, I'm pacing myself, and realizing that it is okay to do just that.