Last night was a treat for Lindsey and I. My parents came into town (we live 8 hours away from each other). They are in the Natural State for Daddy's 50th high school reunion. They left the Dallas area yesterday, stopped in Arkadelphia, AR for lunch with my nephew, their grandson. He is a soph at OBU there. Next stop an hour later was at my sister's house in Little Rock. She loaded them with 3 bags of beautiful clothes after cleaning out her closet and sending my way. What a blessing!!! She and I are both losing weight but began with different starting points, these were clothes that are recently too big for her. I'm now at that size after some weight loss, and being on such a tight budget, it has felt like Christmas to me. (What a strange twist....I'm sure she had to wear tons of hand-me-downs when we were growing up since I am the older of us). My closet and my heart are both full!
Daddy and Mother arrived about the time I was picking up Linds from band practice. They brought with them a chair from one of the guest rooms that is now taking up residence in my bedroom....in front of a window, between my bookshelves and my nightstand....a wonderful spot for me to read and to blog. Again, a blessing! We visited awhile, went to dinner, then stopped by my friend, Vicki's house to visit her. She is my friend bravely fighting breast cancer right now. Mom and Dad had brought her a delicious pie (one for Linds and I as well) from a dear friend of ours back home who makes the most wonderful pies that melt in your mouth. Vicki is looking wonderful and our visit was one of great conversation and laughter. After leaving Vicki's, we came back home to continue our visit. Mom, Lindsey and I opened the bags of clothes with delight and I tried them all on. We cut into the cherry pie and indulged in pie and coffee before they left for their hotel. They are heading out this morning to go back across the state to where other relatives live for more visiting and the reunion. They will be able to see Casie, my oldest on Sunday as well as my sister and her family again as they celebrate my niece's birthday. As I said, they are on a whirlwind trip until Monday.
Our time together is always precious....never long enough. We talk, laugh, share...just simply enjoy being together. I wish the distance between our homes wasn't so far, but it does make our time together all the more special. After dropping Lindsey off at school today, I'm going to head over to the hotel for a cup of coffee with them.
What blessings I have had this week....a visit from my folks, a closet full of beautiful clothes, and a comfy chair for my bedroom.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Honoring the Wound
Tonight was my 3rd week of DivorceCare Recovery, and tonight I'm sitting here mulling over something I learned tonight.
We usually start off with an ice breaker, then we watch a 30 minute DVD on a certain topic, and then we have discussion for about 45 minutes. The topic this week was acknowledging the losses that come with a failed marriage. Many people think the failed marriage is the only loss, but it is actually deeper. Examples: the loss of your dream, the loss of the home as you knew, in some cases - the actual loss of the home, the loss of certain family relationships, the loss of some friendships, the loss of security, the loss of your special holiday traditions, the loss of your best friend, the loss of intimacy with that person, the loss of feeling like you belong,.....the list could go on and on.
That wasn't the part I learned tonight. I have been dealing with acknowledging the multiple losses for some time now. One exercise that I haven't done yet that was suggested to me by my counselor a year ago, and was discussed tonight was to actually make a physical list of the losses you feel. Say them, write them, think on them, own them, and then let them go. Just the thought of this exercise has seemed so painful and tedious to me in the past, but I feel as if I'm ready now to do just that. I'm realizing that acknowledging all these losses will help me say "goodbye" to them.
But onto what it was I learned tonight. One of the authors of the material and a speaker on the DVD said we need to "honor the wound". In other words, acknowledge the big gaping hole that is in us. If we felt our marriage was sacred, and if we treasured it, then honor it. When two people are joined, to simply say they "separated" in the divorce is a bit of an understatement. It's not like we have perforated edges, and we can just neatly and efficiently disconnect. There has actually been a "tearing apart", and the tearing is what leaves the wounds. My marriage was truly sacred to me. My husband was my best friend, at least for many years. We both messed up in different ways. For a time, one of us wanted to stay, one didn't. In the end, we both knew what had to take place. That is actually oversimplifying it, but it cuts to the chase for now.
I know people around me want me to heal quicker than I am. I realize that to some of them it may seem as if I've been hurting far too long. Others often tell me "If I were in your shoes.....", "Well, I certainly wouldn't do it the way you are.....", and they seem disappointed if I am not angry enough, bitter or depressed.
Well....I have been all of those things. And I probably will be again before the healing is complete. I'm working my tushy off NOT to get stuck and stay in one of those stages. I am doing all that I can to move forward, and I can see the great strides I've made. I have joy again. I have hope. But, I'm going to honor my wound. It is big, it is gaping, and it is with me all the time for now. Honoring it doesn't mean dwelling on it. I certainly don't want to do that. But it is significant. The pain we have been through, and still go through, is significant. So, it may take me a little longer to get through this process. But at least I AM getting through.
My goal in the end is to be more than recovered. It is to be healthy and whole, and better than I was before all this mess. So, I'm honoring my wound.
We usually start off with an ice breaker, then we watch a 30 minute DVD on a certain topic, and then we have discussion for about 45 minutes. The topic this week was acknowledging the losses that come with a failed marriage. Many people think the failed marriage is the only loss, but it is actually deeper. Examples: the loss of your dream, the loss of the home as you knew, in some cases - the actual loss of the home, the loss of certain family relationships, the loss of some friendships, the loss of security, the loss of your special holiday traditions, the loss of your best friend, the loss of intimacy with that person, the loss of feeling like you belong,.....the list could go on and on.
That wasn't the part I learned tonight. I have been dealing with acknowledging the multiple losses for some time now. One exercise that I haven't done yet that was suggested to me by my counselor a year ago, and was discussed tonight was to actually make a physical list of the losses you feel. Say them, write them, think on them, own them, and then let them go. Just the thought of this exercise has seemed so painful and tedious to me in the past, but I feel as if I'm ready now to do just that. I'm realizing that acknowledging all these losses will help me say "goodbye" to them.
But onto what it was I learned tonight. One of the authors of the material and a speaker on the DVD said we need to "honor the wound". In other words, acknowledge the big gaping hole that is in us. If we felt our marriage was sacred, and if we treasured it, then honor it. When two people are joined, to simply say they "separated" in the divorce is a bit of an understatement. It's not like we have perforated edges, and we can just neatly and efficiently disconnect. There has actually been a "tearing apart", and the tearing is what leaves the wounds. My marriage was truly sacred to me. My husband was my best friend, at least for many years. We both messed up in different ways. For a time, one of us wanted to stay, one didn't. In the end, we both knew what had to take place. That is actually oversimplifying it, but it cuts to the chase for now.
I know people around me want me to heal quicker than I am. I realize that to some of them it may seem as if I've been hurting far too long. Others often tell me "If I were in your shoes.....", "Well, I certainly wouldn't do it the way you are.....", and they seem disappointed if I am not angry enough, bitter or depressed.
Well....I have been all of those things. And I probably will be again before the healing is complete. I'm working my tushy off NOT to get stuck and stay in one of those stages. I am doing all that I can to move forward, and I can see the great strides I've made. I have joy again. I have hope. But, I'm going to honor my wound. It is big, it is gaping, and it is with me all the time for now. Honoring it doesn't mean dwelling on it. I certainly don't want to do that. But it is significant. The pain we have been through, and still go through, is significant. So, it may take me a little longer to get through this process. But at least I AM getting through.
My goal in the end is to be more than recovered. It is to be healthy and whole, and better than I was before all this mess. So, I'm honoring my wound.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Tired
It's about 10 pm on Monday evening, and I am bone tired....the kind of tired where I really need to sleep, my eyes are heavy, and yet, sleep is eluding me just a little while longer.
It's been a rough several days. My friend had her breast surgery today. The lumpectomy went great, however, there was cancer in her sentinal nodes, so they removed those nodes under the right arm. After a few weeks of recovery from the surgery, she will begin rounds of radiation and chemo. I spent most of the day at the hospital with family and friends from 8 am until about 2:30. I had a nice chat with her on the phone this evening from her hospital bed. She was telling ME she wished she could help me do things this week, that she knew I had alot on my plate. What a friend. I told her that her job is to recover and heal. I got the other stuff covered.
I have suffered from insomnia quite a bit as I have entered the menopausal years. Add to that factor, the stress of trying to work on a failing marriage, then realizing that divorce was imminent. Worries about the future, finances, household maintenance, etc have all added to the insomnia. Receiving a diagnosis of A.D.D. and the medication I take for that add to that problem as well. So I seem to walk around in a state of sleep deprivation.
This week I have had my friend heavy on my heart. I've also had a couple of unpleasant surprises thrown my way in the divorce. Things I am dealing with, but unpleasant nonetheless. So, tonight..I am tired. Weary. In need of sleep. If I can turn off my brain, I think I just might be able to rest.
So, I'm about to turn of the computer, pick up a book and unwind. I'm already in pjs and in my comfy bed. I feel as if I could sleep for days...but I think I'll be happy to get 6 or 7 hours.
So good nite to all...I hope everyone has a restful sleep and peaceful dreams.
It's been a rough several days. My friend had her breast surgery today. The lumpectomy went great, however, there was cancer in her sentinal nodes, so they removed those nodes under the right arm. After a few weeks of recovery from the surgery, she will begin rounds of radiation and chemo. I spent most of the day at the hospital with family and friends from 8 am until about 2:30. I had a nice chat with her on the phone this evening from her hospital bed. She was telling ME she wished she could help me do things this week, that she knew I had alot on my plate. What a friend. I told her that her job is to recover and heal. I got the other stuff covered.
I have suffered from insomnia quite a bit as I have entered the menopausal years. Add to that factor, the stress of trying to work on a failing marriage, then realizing that divorce was imminent. Worries about the future, finances, household maintenance, etc have all added to the insomnia. Receiving a diagnosis of A.D.D. and the medication I take for that add to that problem as well. So I seem to walk around in a state of sleep deprivation.
This week I have had my friend heavy on my heart. I've also had a couple of unpleasant surprises thrown my way in the divorce. Things I am dealing with, but unpleasant nonetheless. So, tonight..I am tired. Weary. In need of sleep. If I can turn off my brain, I think I just might be able to rest.
So, I'm about to turn of the computer, pick up a book and unwind. I'm already in pjs and in my comfy bed. I feel as if I could sleep for days...but I think I'll be happy to get 6 or 7 hours.
So good nite to all...I hope everyone has a restful sleep and peaceful dreams.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
The End of the Week
It's Saturday night, and as I sit in my room reading and typing, I am listening to the giggles of two 13 year olds girls in my living room. It's a sound that I love dearly, although when it's past midnight, there are times I have to ask that giggles be held to a whisper. I remember being a teenager and how much fun I had with my girlfriends when they came over. So, the sounds bouncing off my walls tonight are a good sound.
It's been a different sort of week, and a tough week. First and foremost in my heart and on my mind, is one of my dearest and most precious friends in the world. She has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, and an agressive one. In the time span of little more than a week, her life has been turned upside down. I have never felt more inadequate as a friend. But we have talked, cried together AND laughed together this week. There is alot of power in being able to do both...the crying and laughing with someone you love dearly. She goes in for surgery on Monday morning, and then will be going through both radiation and chemo later. I wish she wasn't traveling this road, but here she is. She and her family have a vast network of friends and supporters, and they are being lifted up in prayers from all over. She is handling this with an amazing strength and a wonderfully positive attitude. She has been a hero to me this week, although she wouldn't really like that tag on her. But she's really quite a gal.
DivorceRecovery is going well, although it is difficult. I'm learning alot. And I've had alot of ways this week to practice what I am learning. Let's just say...it hasn't been an easy week. But onward we go, and I'm glad that onward is the direction I am moving.
My small group of bible study gals started back up for the fall. We are studying Galatians. We met on Thursday, had a nice meal of salad, baked potato and a fabulous dessert. The fellowship was wonderful, and I'm looking forward to our weekly time together. I will miss a couple of weeks due to the privilege of watching Lindsey play in the junior high band, but I will gladly miss for that reason. I'm so proud of the accomplishments in both girls.
As I wrap up this week, I find myself tired from all the worry and emotion over my friend and her cancer. And then I remind myself, "if I'm this tired...imagine how SHE must feel, the person actually living through it." I want to be the kind of friend and support to her that she has always been to me....so this is not the time for me to be emotionally tired.
As for the rest of my worries and stresses from this week, I listen again to the giggles coming from the next room. I am so blessed, and the giggles remind me of that.
Tomorrow begins a new week....and onward we all go!
It's been a different sort of week, and a tough week. First and foremost in my heart and on my mind, is one of my dearest and most precious friends in the world. She has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, and an agressive one. In the time span of little more than a week, her life has been turned upside down. I have never felt more inadequate as a friend. But we have talked, cried together AND laughed together this week. There is alot of power in being able to do both...the crying and laughing with someone you love dearly. She goes in for surgery on Monday morning, and then will be going through both radiation and chemo later. I wish she wasn't traveling this road, but here she is. She and her family have a vast network of friends and supporters, and they are being lifted up in prayers from all over. She is handling this with an amazing strength and a wonderfully positive attitude. She has been a hero to me this week, although she wouldn't really like that tag on her. But she's really quite a gal.
DivorceRecovery is going well, although it is difficult. I'm learning alot. And I've had alot of ways this week to practice what I am learning. Let's just say...it hasn't been an easy week. But onward we go, and I'm glad that onward is the direction I am moving.
My small group of bible study gals started back up for the fall. We are studying Galatians. We met on Thursday, had a nice meal of salad, baked potato and a fabulous dessert. The fellowship was wonderful, and I'm looking forward to our weekly time together. I will miss a couple of weeks due to the privilege of watching Lindsey play in the junior high band, but I will gladly miss for that reason. I'm so proud of the accomplishments in both girls.
As I wrap up this week, I find myself tired from all the worry and emotion over my friend and her cancer. And then I remind myself, "if I'm this tired...imagine how SHE must feel, the person actually living through it." I want to be the kind of friend and support to her that she has always been to me....so this is not the time for me to be emotionally tired.
As for the rest of my worries and stresses from this week, I listen again to the giggles coming from the next room. I am so blessed, and the giggles remind me of that.
Tomorrow begins a new week....and onward we all go!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Baby Bro
Today is my little brother's birthday....Jason is the Big 4-0. Out of the 3 of us siblings, he's the youngest.
As you can see from the pictures above, Jason is....ummmm...unique. Hehe. No, the guy is serious about his fun. He enjoys life and he grabs it with gusto. He is smart, fun, full of life and loves his family like crazy. He has a wonderful wife and 3 wonderful boys.
Mom tells us (Terri and I) that we used to stand over his bassinet and sing to him when he was a baby. We felt quite thrilled and very proud to be his big sisters. And I can honestly say, that is still how we feel today....although I don't think we'll stand over his bed and sing. That's just kinda weird.
So...Happy Birthday Jason. May your next 40 be filled with as much love and gusto as your first 40.
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