Rearranging

It's early Friday morning and I am rearranging the living room. Not necessarily a smart thing to be doing on a school/work morning, but there you go. I do things like this when I get what I call "the itch". The last time I rearranged the living room was last April. I had to move things around to make room for the Christmas tree, and I have simply never moved the furniture back around after taking the tree down.

I woke up this morning with "the itch" and decided that there was no way I could concentrate at work if I didn't get this done. Plus, there is something satisfying and fun about rearranging furniture. Just moving something can make it look new and fresh. I like finding a new space for something I've had awhile. A little bit of creativity always comes out.

Of course, Cocoa and Flash are quite cranky about the whole thing. They don't quite understand all the movement, and usually end up growling and then leaving the room. Since they were both sleeping on the couch when I woke up, I don't think they cared one teeny tiny bit about my yearning to get the furniture moved. I was disturbing their morning routine. (which I apologized for, as I don't like my morning routine changed either).

As I began moving the couch, the symbolism of what I was doing struck me. I am doing some "rearranging" within myself as well. I am just beginning a physical overhaul.....exercising and eating right. This is Day 5. I have been working on myself emotionally, spiritually, and mentally over the past year and half. Over the holidays, I became extremely involved in the hustle and bustle of the season, neglecting the care of myself. It began to show. So, I have spent the past week getting myself back on track and in line with the goals I set for myself.

Since I'm back to rearranging in my own life, maybe that's why I woke up with "the itch" this morning to do the furniture rearranging. As I was moving the furniture around, you'd be amazed at how much "junk" I found under the furniture. Dust, a lost item or two, etc. It made me think of when I allow God to do rearranging within my soul......all the junk He finds. And how He dusts me off, restores something "lost" I've been missing or says "This is actually trash....going in the garbage now." It's all so comforting. And refreshing!!!

He can get creative with us as well when we allow Him. Just as I began to feel creativity flow when I move my stuff around a room, allowing God to move stuff within my own soul allows Him to be creative within us and use us in the way He designed. Just as my old furniture can look new, when I allow God to work on this weary stumbling 45 year old chick, I can become new and refreshed.

I'm glad that I'm doing just the furniture rearranging and letting God do the other rearranging in my life. As a matter of fact, I need to tackle other rooms of furniture, and I need to ask God what other areas in my life He needs to move around.

And then relax a little and let His creativity flow.....

Weary

A favorite verse of mine...."Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28.

The Father isn't promising to take away my problems or to give me answers right away, or answers at all.

What He IS promising is to give me rest.

I've had a year of weariness and burden. I've felt overwhelmed most of the past year.....overwhelmed by life and all of it's problems. Thankfully, I've felt God's presence with me every tired and weary step. I've felt His hand guiding me through all the murky waters. So, although I've felt overwhelmed and flat out exhausted, I've never felt like I wanted to give up on life or the people in it. Quite the contrary, God has given me an incredible gift...the gift of hope and grace. In the middle of alot of pain and confusion, I've experienced an incredible clarity. The kind that only comes from the Father.

The last month I've found the weariness and burdens creeping up on me again. I had a minor meltdown a couple of days ago where I pounded my fists and cried (all while driving, so I'm sure my fellow drivers around me probably thought I was losing it and got far away from the crazy lady driving the white minivan).

In the middle of my tears and ranting, peace flowed over me yet once again. I felt God's arms open wide and beckon me to come to Him and lay my head on His shoulder. I felt the comfort of being surrounded by a big bear hug and the reassurance of knowing that I am safe in His arms.

He was giving me rest. And it was exactly what I needed.

God is good.

Invisible

Have you ever felt like the Invisible Man? Well, in my case, Invisible Woman? I would venture to guess that most of us feel this way more than once in our lifetime.

Maybe we feel invisible in the workplace. We feel overworked and underappreciated - maybe the boss or management seems to always overlook us. Maybe our coworkers take us for granted.

What about as a parent? It's very easy to feel overlooked here as well. We play the roles of caretaker, chauffeur, referee, coach, nurse, teacher, cook, maid, lender, etc and etc. Our list of roles can go on and on. It's sometimes easy to feel overlooked when the gratitude doesn't come pouring in. And with our own children, so much of what we do is taken for granted. Moms and Dads are just SUPPOSED to do all that stuff. Every now and then we I have a "meltdown" (which I have to do for sanity's sake) I'm often greeted with expressions of perplexion and puzzlement. It's like "Gee....what was THAT all about?" I think it often surprises our kids also when they find out that we have feelings - we don't run on autopilot. I never thought much about my own parents having their feelings hurt or overlooked, I don't know why I was surprised when my own children seemed to be knocked for a loop when they figured that one out with me.

What about in marriage? It's so easy to feel overlooked and invisible in our role as spouse. We get so busy taking care of the normal day to day tasks and responsiblities in life that we just begin to assume that our spouse is always on the same page with us. It's often surprising when we find out that we're on vastly different pages. We never intended to emotionally neglect one another or take each other for granted. We're not even sure when it started. But it happened somewhere along the way.

What about at church? What about in our roles on various committees or boards? In volunteer work? There are so many areas in which we can begin to feel invisible. Sometimes we even seek out the safety there is in anonymity. I'm convinced that sometimes we seek out churches where we can just blend in with the masses and come and go without anyone noticing. That way we won't be called upon to get involved in small groups or relationships. So sometimes I think we seek out the invisibility. Maybe that's where we feel comfortable.

However, we need to realize that we are not invisible with God. He knows us...inside and out. He loves us unconditionally....flaws and all. No matter how many times we stumble, falter, run away, hide, fail...He is there to pick us up, dust us off, and welcome us back. Nothing we do or don't do can make us unloveable or unacceptable to Him. We are never....I repeat, NEVER invisible with God.

Lately, I've felt invisible in some areas of my life. The New Year, which is always a time of reflection, led me to ask myself a question....."Who am I treating as invisible in my life? Am I making anyone feel that way?" Do I show my husband, daughters, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, that I love them? Do they feel accepted and safe around me? Do they know that I am always there for them....with unconditional grace and love?

My goal this week is to make sure that those I am surrounded by know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are not invisible to me.

Thankful for All Times

As I was reading this morning out of one of my favorite devotional books, I came across a scripture that really spoke to me this morning (even through the morning haze of sleepiness that I can't seem to get past).

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider; God has made the one as well as the other." Ecclesiastes 7:14

I've had a very challenging year personally....I've gone through extremely rough times that have led to an extremely close walk with the Lord. When you're knocked to your knees, you can choose to stay there, or look upwards. Looking upwards is AMAZING....because you'll find the Father's outstretched hand waiting to help you up. I can't even begin to put into adequate words the mercy and healing that God has shown me this year.

For some reason, many of us have a harder time with a strong prayer life when things are going well. God wants us to live joyfully, so why do we struggle there?

The verse in Ecclesiastes tells us that God has made the good times as well as the bad. We have to know one in order to know the other.

I need to learn to be equally close to God in all times....I want to walk closely and abundantly with Him regardless of my circumstances. The Father knows that I need balance, and without the contrast of good and bad, I wouldn't be able to be grateful for what He's done for me and what He's pulled me through. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the good if I had not suffered and learned from the bad. I wouldn't be able to get through the bad, if I never had been able to appreciate the blessings and good times in life that God has given to me.

I'm so thankful for God's wisdom...and that He walks with me through it all.

Sunday Night Blues

It's Sunday night, and my family has always said that I seem to get the "Sunday Night Blues". My mood does tend to get gloomy a bit (sometimes alot) as I realize my weekend is drawing to an end, and the business of a work week is looming ahead.

I've been fortunate enough to have 5 days off with the Christmas holidays, and this upcoming week will be another short week. It's been a very good week with family, and so I have nothing to be blue about. And yet, my mood still changed.

Tonight I've had time to be alone and enjoy the quiet. Andy is on duty, Linds is spending the night with a friend, and Casie is playing games with a group of her friends. I'm okay being alone, I actually enjoy it at times. I like to indulge in old black and white movies, read a good novel or catch up on emails to my distant friends. But for some reason tonight, I've felt a little lonely and so I've tried to busy myself with laundry. Doing the laundry is a necessary task (and a sometimes daunting one at our home) but it hasn't chased away the loneliness or the blues tonight.

So I began to reflect on the last year and I'm realizing that I've done alot of growing, and yet, there is still so much growing to do. I've worked on relationships, and there is still work to be done. I was doing a pretty good job in the self-improvement area, and then I became too engrossed in the busyness of daily life, and have neglected myself again. The steps I was taking to be healthy - emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally - I've let them all take a back seat to "things" that have had to be done and dealt with. Obviously, one of life's challenges it to successfully handle both the normal routines of life and still somehow manage to put one's own well being a priority. Maybe that's why I have the Sunday night blues tonight....I'm realizing that I've let myself down again.

One thing I have learned this year is to not STAY down. When I fall, I shall get back up. When I stumble, I will catch myself and stand upright again. Actually, I need to rephrase that. When I fall, God will get me back up. When I stumble, He will catch me and upright me. I cannot lose sight of the fact that I can do nothing on my own, but can do ALL things THROUGH HIM who strengthens me.

So I'm going to "regroup" tonight. I shall continue to do the laundry, (sigh) but only because clean underwear and clothes are a priority. But as I do the laundry, I'll smile. And I'll do some things this evening that are positive and good for myself. I'm going to continue to reflect on the past year....and recognize the Lord's blessings, guidance and faithfulness in my life. I will acknowledge both the good and the bad in my life, and I will not let the bad weigh me down. I will start this next week off on the right foot....I'll put the Lord first, making my time with Him my first priority. I know from experience that when I do this, all the other relationships, challenges, and things seem to somehow fall into place. I'll do healthy things for myself, and will encourage myself when I succeed. When I fail, I'll acknowledge that failure, but I won't wallow in it.

Maybe, just maybe, some week, on a Sunday night, I'll realize that I don't have the Sunday night blues. Maybe, just maybe, on some Sunday night in the future, I'll be able to look back at the previous week and think "well done" and look to the upcoming week with joyful anticipation.