Thankful for All Times

As I was reading this morning out of one of my favorite devotional books, I came across a scripture that really spoke to me this morning (even through the morning haze of sleepiness that I can't seem to get past).

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider; God has made the one as well as the other." Ecclesiastes 7:14

I've had a very challenging year personally....I've gone through extremely rough times that have led to an extremely close walk with the Lord. When you're knocked to your knees, you can choose to stay there, or look upwards. Looking upwards is AMAZING....because you'll find the Father's outstretched hand waiting to help you up. I can't even begin to put into adequate words the mercy and healing that God has shown me this year.

For some reason, many of us have a harder time with a strong prayer life when things are going well. God wants us to live joyfully, so why do we struggle there?

The verse in Ecclesiastes tells us that God has made the good times as well as the bad. We have to know one in order to know the other.

I need to learn to be equally close to God in all times....I want to walk closely and abundantly with Him regardless of my circumstances. The Father knows that I need balance, and without the contrast of good and bad, I wouldn't be able to be grateful for what He's done for me and what He's pulled me through. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the good if I had not suffered and learned from the bad. I wouldn't be able to get through the bad, if I never had been able to appreciate the blessings and good times in life that God has given to me.

I'm so thankful for God's wisdom...and that He walks with me through it all.

Sunday Night Blues

It's Sunday night, and my family has always said that I seem to get the "Sunday Night Blues". My mood does tend to get gloomy a bit (sometimes alot) as I realize my weekend is drawing to an end, and the business of a work week is looming ahead.

I've been fortunate enough to have 5 days off with the Christmas holidays, and this upcoming week will be another short week. It's been a very good week with family, and so I have nothing to be blue about. And yet, my mood still changed.

Tonight I've had time to be alone and enjoy the quiet. Andy is on duty, Linds is spending the night with a friend, and Casie is playing games with a group of her friends. I'm okay being alone, I actually enjoy it at times. I like to indulge in old black and white movies, read a good novel or catch up on emails to my distant friends. But for some reason tonight, I've felt a little lonely and so I've tried to busy myself with laundry. Doing the laundry is a necessary task (and a sometimes daunting one at our home) but it hasn't chased away the loneliness or the blues tonight.

So I began to reflect on the last year and I'm realizing that I've done alot of growing, and yet, there is still so much growing to do. I've worked on relationships, and there is still work to be done. I was doing a pretty good job in the self-improvement area, and then I became too engrossed in the busyness of daily life, and have neglected myself again. The steps I was taking to be healthy - emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally - I've let them all take a back seat to "things" that have had to be done and dealt with. Obviously, one of life's challenges it to successfully handle both the normal routines of life and still somehow manage to put one's own well being a priority. Maybe that's why I have the Sunday night blues tonight....I'm realizing that I've let myself down again.

One thing I have learned this year is to not STAY down. When I fall, I shall get back up. When I stumble, I will catch myself and stand upright again. Actually, I need to rephrase that. When I fall, God will get me back up. When I stumble, He will catch me and upright me. I cannot lose sight of the fact that I can do nothing on my own, but can do ALL things THROUGH HIM who strengthens me.

So I'm going to "regroup" tonight. I shall continue to do the laundry, (sigh) but only because clean underwear and clothes are a priority. But as I do the laundry, I'll smile. And I'll do some things this evening that are positive and good for myself. I'm going to continue to reflect on the past year....and recognize the Lord's blessings, guidance and faithfulness in my life. I will acknowledge both the good and the bad in my life, and I will not let the bad weigh me down. I will start this next week off on the right foot....I'll put the Lord first, making my time with Him my first priority. I know from experience that when I do this, all the other relationships, challenges, and things seem to somehow fall into place. I'll do healthy things for myself, and will encourage myself when I succeed. When I fail, I'll acknowledge that failure, but I won't wallow in it.

Maybe, just maybe, some week, on a Sunday night, I'll realize that I don't have the Sunday night blues. Maybe, just maybe, on some Sunday night in the future, I'll be able to look back at the previous week and think "well done" and look to the upcoming week with joyful anticipation.

Lessons from Flash

Lesson learned from Flash - He is "Mischief" personified. Or is it "dogified"????

Lessons from Cocoa

As I was running around the house this morning like a mad woman (typical for me on a weekday) getting everyone ready for school and work, I looked over at Cocoa, the most fantastic dog in the whole world. He was stretched out on the couch...totally oblivious to the the frenzied pace of all of us beginning our day. We also have a little Jack Russell puppy, who is NEVER relaxed. He, too, was running around like crazy. But not Cocoa. He would look at us every now and then, one eyebrow raised, and I think I saw him raise his head once. But he was content to just stretch a little and then just lay back down.

I decided to turn on the tree lights and put on some Christmas music to slow myself down. I poured another cup of coffee, and instantly I was a little more relaxed. Due to schedules and obligations, I wasn't able to join Cocoa in lying on the couch (although it's so cold and dreary outside it would have a perfect day to do so).

I thought about some of what I have learned from Cocoa. He defines the world "loyalty" - once you win him over, he's yours for life. I've learned to be playful. Nothing in life makes Cocoa happier than a ball or a frisbee...I mean he will retrieve for what seems like hours. Sometimes when I'm outside and don't really feel like playing, he will keep bringing me a ball or frisbee until I stop what I'm doing and play with him. The next thing I know, I'm laughing at his antics and we're having fun. I've also learned to just sit and enjoy another's company. Although Cocoa enjoys having his ears rubbed as much as the next dog, he's often content just to be near one of us. He'll often follow us around from room to room, or follow us around outside. No maintenance required during these times, just wanting to hang out. I've learned to be friendly with all that I meet. This past Halloween, we had trick or treaters stop by our house, and ask to see our lab. They didn't know Cocoa's name, but they had enjoyed watching him play outside and sit with us, and he had won them over with his personality. It made me wonder what impression I give to those around me during a normal course of the day. I've learned to be a caretaker. Cocoa seems to know when one of us is ill or simply feeling bad. He will give that person in the family his undivided attention, often laying in the bed or couch with you, his head on your lap, as if to say "it's okay, I'm here and you will feel better soon." During the night, I often hear his paws on the tile floor walking around and checking on all of us. He keeps a constant patrol guarding us.

Yep, Cocoa is a cool dog. He's not perfect, he can still get into mischief. Every now and then, he'll drink out of the toilet, or he'll get into the trash, or he'll dig up some of my beloved bulbs from the yard.

But the lessons I've learned from Cocoa are wonderful, and I'm so thankful for him.

My Grown Up Christmas List

I love Christmas music....I turned on my XM the day after Thanksgiving to the holiday station and will probably be listening to Christmas music from hereon until Christmas Day. One of my favorite contemporary songs is "My Grown Up Christmas List". I especially love the way Amy Grant sings it.

In one verse her wish is that "love would always win". I like to believe in love always winning.

The photo I've posted above is a picture of a table in my living room. There are some special things about that table. It's a table from my Meme's house, and she was very special to me. So everytime I look at that table, I think of her and smile. Also, the plaque that is on the table is a second-hand treasure that I found in a thrift shop and just fell in love with a few years ago. It cost me practically nothing, and to me the words just symbolize what I feel about family.

Not too long ago, the plaque was accidentally bumped from the table and broken. I cried, not over a broken item, but over the brokenness of a symbol I have grown fond of. You see, my family has been broken this year. But we are still together, and we are working on healing. Andy lovingly and carefully put the pieces back together with some "gorilla glue" and after we let it dry, it was good again. I look at it now, and even the cracks are meaningful. You see, God is MY gorilla glue. When I am broken, He puts me back together and I am bonded to Him through His grace and mercy. I may be bruised and cracked, but I am made whole in Him. My family may take a few hits along the way, we may get battered, but we are healed through Him. He restores us to a place of grace and love.

Are we perfect as a family? Heavens, no. Just like my plaque with its imperfections, we have ours too. But we choose to believe that "love will always win".

And that is my grown-up Christmas list.

Consistent Love

Just now I was listening to a song by JJ Heller...a Christian artist that I was only recently introduced to. Well, introduced to her music, that is. A young woman in college, a dear family friend, sang one of her songs with an acoustic guitar in church a few Sundays ago, and it was quite powerful. The song is titled "Love Me" and is definitely worth listening to. A beautiful song with powerful lyrics. Many people in the congregation, including myself, were moved to tears.

The song asks the question, "Who will love me for me?" not for what we've done, or for what we'll become.

I was listening to the song just now, and am now asking God to help me have that kind of love for the people in my life. I want to model my heart after God's heart. I want to love unconditionally the people He has placed in my life for me to love.

Naturally, I have expectations, as we all do, of the people we know and love. There are certain expectations we have of spouses, of children, of other family members, of our friends, of our leaders, our co-workers, etc. However, I don't ever want anyone to feel that my love and/or acceptance has to be earned. I want the people I love to know that my love is genuine, full of grace, and always there. Since I'm human, that's not always an easy task. I'm sure I fail often. But I want to love as God loves. At least as much as is possible.

I thank God for loving me just for being me. I thank Him that He is consistent, full of abundant grace and mercy, and that His mercies are new each day. I thank Him for the assurance that He will never leave or forsake me. And I thank Him for laying on my heart that I need to learn to see others as He sees them and to love as He loves.

A Wonderful Day

Yummy smells coming from the kitchen (after one major mishap early this morning - which didn't smell so great), my family all mellow and just hanging out, a beautiful sunny day outside, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade earlier this morning, football on this afternoon...

As I busy myself in the kitchen, instead of being stressed over the preparations, timing of the turkey and all the "other little things" I used to stew over...I'm relaxed and I'm happy. If a dish doesn't taste perfect, I'm okay. If the turkey takes a little longer, I'm okay. If my table setting isn't perfect, I'm okay.

I'm surrounded by love and laughter...by history and memories....by wrapped up in the ever faithful presence, grace and love of my Savior.

It's a wonderful day, and I am thankful.

Thankful This Morning

As I sit in the quiet of the morning with my coffee, my heart is smiling. Both of my "chicks" are home in the nest. Casie has made it home from college for her Thanksgiving break. I just peeked on both her and Lindsey....both in their rooms, snoozing away. I smiled in their doorways, not even caring about the mess that lay on the floors in each of their rooms. Just thankful that they are healthy, that they are filled with love, and thankful that they are here. I'll be a little envious as I head off to work this morning...envious that I can't just stay home and hang out. My only consolation will be that knowing them, they'll be sleeping most of the morning away, and wouldn't have been hanging out with me anyway.

I have so much to be thankful for. I plan to write some of my "thanks" into my journal. I find that when I start acknowledging what I am thankful for, I find more and more to thank God for.

The main thanksgiving I have this year is that my family is together. I didn't know that we would be earlier this year. It has been a hurtful and tough year, a year of wounds. But it has been a healing and good year also. Through everything, it has been a grace-filled year. A year of renewal. A year of God's reminder that He is ever faithful to me.

So, as I sit in my home, all cozy and quiet this morning...I am thankful. Thankful for Andy. Thankful for Casie. Thankful for Lindsey. I'm thankful for Cocoa and Flash, who keep us entertained.

Yes, I'm smiling. On the inside and out. A great big ear to ear thankful smile. I think I'll go work on the rest of my "thankful" list now.

Gimme Something Else Lord

Have you ever prayed to God for help with something and then weren't crazy about the solution when He gave it to you? C'mon....I know I'm not the only one. I've had trouble getting out of bed the last couple of weeks, so I've earnestly began praying to God for help in the mornings. I absolutely TREASURE having some time to myself in the quiet of the morning...and when I sleep in and miss it, I start off my day a tad bit cranky. (some in the family might say my crankiness is "more" than a tad) So...the Lord decided to answer my prayer for help this morning. Saturday morning. At 5 am no less. I quickly told Him that I didn't intend for Saturdays to be covered in my prayer. So I rolled over, snuggled deeper into the covers and closed my eyes. Only to find that my lab was jumping up and down to let me know he needed to go outside. Gggrrr. So I get up and let Cocoa out. I run back to the warmth of the bed before my eyes open too wide....or my mind becomes too alert. Aahhh...there's that warm spot. I snuggle back in. Now I hear Cocoa at the back door whining to come back inside. "He's fine" I tell myself. "He's got alot of fur". Then I remember it's 24 degrees outside, and I do love Cocoa. So I get back up and let him in. Now I'm awake. "Gee thanks Lord" is what is running through my head.

Since I'm not alert enough to really read anything yet, I do a couple of chores. I do get to see the beautiful sunrise...one of my favorite times of day. The coffee is great. "Okay, okay Lord. It's not so bad being up this early on a Saturday."

I sit down with my Bible, journal and a couple of devotional books. I began to read. "No....I don't really want that message, Lord. Gimme something else." I thumb through my books again. Nope. Nothing is hitting me like that verse. This can't be what I'm supposed to get this morning. I don't want this. Ever felt that way? The Lord leads you to read something, and the words just jump out at you. Sometimes we're excited....we know it's for us and it's encouraging. Sometimes we're offended. We know it's for us, and we don't want to hear it. This morning, I wasn't offended, but I didn't want that message. I needed something else. Something to make me feel good. This wasn't making me feel good. This was telling me what I should do. I don't want to be told what to do. I want to be made to feel good!

"Lord, we need to talk again. This isn't what I need. Let me thumb back a few pages. Nah, that's not it either. Let me thumb forward. " By now, my thumbs are getting tired. I've looked through the pages fast, I've looked through them slower. I keep coming back to these words.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23

The reason I didn't want to hear this is because we are going through an incredibly stressful and difficult time at work. On a scale of 1-10, we're at about a 15. The work load is huge, the obstacles seem great right now, deadlines are looming, staff doesn't always get along. I wanted a peppy, uplifting verse. I didn't want to hear that I should keep diligent at my work. And with all of my heart???? Are you kidding me Lord? At my job? With these people??? Have you met them?

He assured me that He has met them and loves them. He reminded me that I have this job, hard as it may be right now, at a time when many are losing theirs. He reminded me that this too, shall pass. This time of stress will work itself out and situations will improve.

And as He so often does, He reminded me that He is faithful. He heard my prayer for help and got me out of bed this Saturday morning (even though I didn't mean Saturday in my prayer). He reminded me that He gave me a solution to how I should handle my job right now (even though I desperately tried to help Him find another one....geez, my fingers are tired from flipping through those pages) I was able to see the sunrise, and know it's a new day. And I will do my best to make the most of it.

Thank you Lord.

Morning Coffee

This is the view from my kitchen table...one of the three different places that I like to sit early in the morning before the rest of the household is awake. Even though the view from my kitchen window is mainly of the road and house across the street, there is still something peaceful to me about being able to look outside when I pray and read. Watching the sun rise is a peaceful and enjoyable feeling to me, usually.....but lately I can barely drag this middle aged booty out of bed in the mornings. I'm not sure why, but the urge to pull the covers over my head is almost irresistable at the present.

However, if I am able to put my feet to the floor and shuffle to the kitchen, I am usually awake by the second sip (or gulp on some mornings) of coffee and once I am actually awake, I enjoy the peace that comes with a quiet morning.

A little music, a little reading, a little journaling, alot of prayer.....and my day seems to go so much better. I'm able to focus on things that I should, on the people that I should...and I'm better able to let certain things "roll off" my shoulders, the things that I DON'T need to focus on.

So although the view from my front window is nothing spectacular or even above average...it still is a window of tranquility, peace and hope for me as I begin the new day. With each sunrise that I get to see, I am reminded of God's faithfulness to me each and every day.

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

Hanging by a Thread

Lately it seems as if sitting down to write is getting harder and harder....not because I don't enjoy it, because I do. It's just that life has become a little chaotic and stressful, as it tends to do in all of us, and I find myself "whipped" by the end of the day.

Usually, I consider myself a morning person. However, something happened when the time changed a couple of weeks ago. That morning person has vamoosed....totally gone....she has left the building.

I have signed onto blogger and enjoyed following the blogs of people who I read. And I'll even start to post myself, and find myself staring at the screen.

My stresses are no different than most of the rest of the world...it just seems to me as if they are all piling on at once. An unexpected death of a partner in our firm, the aftermath that leaves at the office, the normal "year end" work that takes place in accounting, the lack of Christmas planning which now has me in a panic, the realization that both of my girls have birthdays right around the corner, a stack of bills sitting on my desk at home to be paid, health concerns of family members, relationship worries.....basically....just life.

These days I feel as if I'm hanging by a thread...and the worry that my thread isn't strong enough to hold me. Then I remember to whom I am bound....and I smile. God is the thread that holds me together.

Yep, I'm hanging by a thread. And it's all okay.

Blessings

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, it is impossible for me not to begin thinking of all that I have to be thankful for. My life is full of God's blessings, but sadly, I often go through my days not really acknowledging them. I often take the blessings for granted, which is something I should never do.

Over the last year, I have begun to have a genuine time of praise and thanksgiving in my prayer life, and the amazing thing about that has been the result - which is a deeper understanding of God and the "opening of my eyes" to more blessings in my life. I also notice that when I neglect that area of my prayer life, I miss out on the recognition of God's work and blessing in my life.

I want to be able to live my life where Thanksgiving is more than just a holiday in November. I want to recognize God's work in my life throughout all of the seasons.

One of my favorite songs is Louis Armstrong singing "What a Wonderful World"...I can't help but smile. If a song can make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, then that is the song that does it for me. The lyrics are great, and remind me of things to be thankful for.

And now, I'm going to go sit with my warm mug of coffee, listen to Louis and thank God for the blessings this morning.

A Simple Prayer

I woke up this morning and began my usual morning routine....coffee, checking emails, catching up on the news, listening to music. When my caffeine fix has kicked in, and I am more alert, I try to settle in for my quiet time. This morning I dug out a book that helped change my life a little over a year ago - Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore. I am a person who struggles with depression - but I am coming face to face with my problem and trying to allow God to deliver me from it. I am blessed to have the help of a wonderful Christian family counselor who is walking me through this process.

Back to the point at hand - I got this particular book out this morning because I can feel myself "slipping" again. It's almost as if the pit of depression calls out to me or something. My feet always seem to be so close to the edge, and it feels sometimes as if I can't get far enough away to not slide back. As I picked up the book and my Bible, a Bible bookmark fell out of my Bible that had been given to me by a friend this past Thursday night. Jerri is one of the incredible women in my small group, and she had brought back these bookmarks from Italy and had given one to each of us. There is a picture of St. Francis of Assisi on the front, and the prayer he penned on the back.

A Simple Prayer

Lord, makeme an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is discord, unity.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is error, truth.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is sadness, joy.
Where there is darkness, light.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console.
To be understood, as to understand.
To be loved, as to love.

For
It is in giving, that we receive.
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned.
It is in dying, that we are born to eternal life.

I've heard and read this prayer before, but it struck a deeper cord in me this morning. As I allow God to deliver me from my pit, and as I work daily on not falling back into the pit, I need to be careful not to focus solely on myself. Yes, in my healing, I need to have some focus on myself in order to get healthy. I've learned to say "no" where I used to only say yes. I've taken a step back from some obligations in order to allow God to heal and rejuvenate me. But this morning I felt Him saying to me that remember that it is in giving that I will receive. As He heals me, I want to work on understanding, loving and giving.

Laid Back

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits." Satchel Paige

The morning after Halloween....can't believe it's November. Can't believe I have this much candy left. I read a friend's blog this morning that touched on some of what I have been feeling regarding the passages of time and how our kids grow up.

Last night it was just Andy and I for most of the evening. How many times have we wished for a night to ourselves??? Ironically, we were both missing our kids last night. Casie has been away from us on Halloween for 3 years now, so we're somewhat adjusted. As a junior in college, she'd probably laugh if I told her I still missed not being a part of her festivities. Lindsey, who is in 6th grade, had announced earlier this year that she was too old to trick or treat, and the plan was for her to pass out candy at our door. A last minute party thrown by one of her friends helped her decide that trick or treating wasn't too passe for her just yet, as this girl's father was loading up several girls in a hay filled trailerand pulling them behind his four wheeler through the neighborhood for trick or treating.

I made the usual pot of chili (our traditional meal has always been chili or chili dogs on Halloween...easy meal, which has always been necessary before the festivities of the night). Andy had the yard ghoulishly decorated with a cemetery and some awesome cobwebs, we hooked up the XM and left it on the "Halloween station" for the eerie effect. We had pumpkins, a scarecrow and various other decorations all on the porch. Andy was quite sad when his beloved fog machine wouldn't work. If you've ever seen a grown man with slumped shoulders and a look of defeat, then you know what he looked like last night. He can fix almost anything...but this fog machine wasn't cooperating at all.

We were both happy knowing that our girls were with friends and having a good time. Casie was dressed as a flapper and going to a costume party with some of her friends. She had filled over 60 goody bags for her fellow sorority sisters, and had her apartment all decorated with Halloween things she had borrowed from home. I'm proud of her for her good choices in friends, for never being too "big" for fun, and for her generosity in making the goody bags for her sisters. But it still tugs on my heartstrings that I am not helping her get into her costume, or around to take pictures of her and her friends. She did call me for advice on how much candy to buy, and where I thought she could pick up another boa, as she left hers that went with her costume at home. So, I'm still needed! And that makes me smile. And with digital pictures, texting, facebooking, etc...I will be able to look at her pictures sometime today.

We were a tad disappointed that Linds wasn't hanging with us...but we were so glad that she was out having a wonderful time. Her group of girlfriends are awesome, and I really mean that. They have wonderful parents too. I knew she'd be with a great group of people, and having a wholesome and fun time. We had hosted this same group of girls a couple of weekends ago for our own Halloween party, and then they had all been at a different Halloween party last Saturday. So they've enjoyed the festivities almost the entire month. But it was a tad bittersweet that all the girls left school together and got ready at the host house. I missed the craziness of "Where's my gloves?", "Mom...my costume ripped", "Mom...I can't get the zipper to work"....you know, all those frantic moments when your help is necessary.

We answered the door to 56 trick or treaters in all. We usually have more, but most churches in the area were hosting carnivals, which is great. All in all, it was a quiet night, and I wasn't sure that I enjoyed Halloween being quiet. One of the highlights of the evening was the 2 trick or treaters who are grandchildren of one of my dearest friends. Mom and Dad brought them by, and they were adorable. We loaded them up on extra candy and thanked them for coming over to our neighborhood. Hmmmm...some of my friends are grandparents. I'm realizing more and more each day that time passes so quickly, and I'd better adjust to these changes in life or I'll be left behind.

I called my friend who lives out of town to report on how precious her two grandchildren were in their costumes, and there was a little sadness in her voice as well. She was proud and happy that I had been able to see them, but sad that she was missing out.

I guess we're all having to adjust to life's changes.

This morning I think I'll bag up the extra candy to send to youth group tomorrow night. Or I'll be adjusting to the change of 10 extra pounds.

Walking Through The Desert

Have you ever felt as if you were walking through the desert? Tired, hot, thirsty, hungry...wanting an oasis of help and relief, but finding none? Wondering how long it was going to be until you found refuge?

Kristin Armstrong wrote that her time in the desert was so recent that she still had sand in her shoes. I couldn't help but laugh aloud when I read that - what a great way to describe how I feel right now.

I have recently walked through a desert in my life. I, too, feel like the sand is still in my shoes. She (Kristin) said that in the desert lessons are often more profound than when in the beauty of the garden. I don't know if that's always true or not - but I can certainly say that it is often the case where I am concerned. When I am walking through the desert, I fervently seek the refuge of the Lord. I am so thirsty for Him that am continually looking for the living springs of His knowledge, mercy and grace.

I'm glad that I don't have to stay in the desert forever. I'm glad that God brings me to points in my life that are more serene and restful. But I know that walking through the desert is necessary - life is going to be hard and difficult at times. There are times when everything around me seems barren and dry. That is the time when I need to fervently seek the Father and He will rescue me.

"Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert....to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart." Deut. 8:2

I hope that I always remember that God is with me....whether in the desert of the garden. And I hope that trust and faith in Him is what is always in my heart.

Pure Companionship

Isn't it wonderful to have a constant companion? One who just likes to hang out with you because of who you are? (of course bacon flavored treats help). Cocoa is often my shadow when I'm home alone, but when others are at home, he will roam from person to person spending time with each of us, almost as if he is trying to give of his love and time equally. He's quite a dog!

Morning Ritual

I enjoy waking up early in the morning to enjoy the quiet. I grumble getting out of bed (I've never learned the art of "bounding" out of bed in the mornings). My enthusiasm for morning is hidden for a few moments until the coffee kicks in, but once it does, I'm enjoying my favorite time of the day.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been struggling in my morning time...distractions have kept me from focusing on God, which was what I need every morning. It keeps me centered. So my "center" has been out of whack.

I decided this morning that I would lay the groundwork for good quality time with the Lord...I prepared my coffee, I went and sat at the kitchen table, I even lit a mulled cider candle because candles relax me. I got out my Bible, books and journal. I even found some beautiful hammered dulcimer music on Rhapsody, and had the soothing sounds playing softly in the background. My lab was laying at my feet (usual behavior for Cocoa) and even Flash, our jack russell puppy, seemed to know to be still. Go figure. He laid on a little red pillow and left me alone.

It was exactly what I needed to start off my day. Nothing big was revealed to me this morning. I haven't walked away feeling more spiritual than when I began. But I am calm and rested, and looking forward to a new day.

The best part of the morning so far?? Looking at the sunrise from my front porch and and being amazed at God's faithfulness to me.

Chill

Merriam Webster dictionary gives two definitions of the word "chill" - 1) a sensation of cold accompanied by shivering 2) a check to enthusiasm or warmth of feeling.

We've had a cold front come through the last few days...and I just love it. There is a chill in the October air that tells me that we're deeper into fall now. In the south, sometimes our warm (hot) air lingers much longer than I would like for it to. So I always welcome the chill of the mornings and evenings about this time of year. I love to snuggle in blankets, sweatshirts and jackets. I get excited when the weather calls for comfort foods like pumpkin bread, apple cake, chili or stew. I like to hold a hot mug of coffee or tea and relax with a book or magazine. When the world "chill" is used to describe a coolness in the weather, it has a positive connotation for me.

But when the word "chill" is used to describe a coolness in a relationship, it has negative meaning. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about - we've all felt it. Something happens in a relationship that causes us to feel distant or uncomfortable. Maybe we know what caused it, maybe we have no clue. But you can "feel" the chill between you and the other person, and it is one of the most unsettling feelings I know. Just today, I asked God to show me areas in which maybe I am responsible for bringing a cooling of relationships with others. I have felt a chill between me and someone else, and my feelings have been wounded. But the Lord has gently turned my line of thinking inward instead of outward. Rather than lick my own wounds, He is showing me that there is room for improvement on my end. Maybe I am the one who needs to work on bringing back the warmth. So while I am enjoying the recent chill in the air outside, I certainly don't want a chill in the air of my relationships.

I'm realizing that maybe I need to wrap a blanket of love and encouragement around the people in my life.

Thankful and Sad

I write this morning with a thankful yet sad heart. Our oldest daughter, Casie, is in her junior year at UCA and there was a school shooting last night on campus. Two young lives were taken. She is safe - she was home in her apartment when the shooting occurred. I am so thankful that my child was nowhere near the incident. I am thankful she is safe. I am thankful that I still have her to hug and hold. My heart is saddened however, for the lives lost. I am sad for their families. I am sad for the rest of the student body who are grappling with this news.

I spoke with Casie quite a bit last night by phone. There was alot of frustration over lack of news coming out, there was alot of worry over who had been injured, concern over the suspects on the loose. The campus was on lockdown, and one of her friends was texting from the library, unable to leave. It is a scary thing when your world is turned topsy turvy that way.

I had every intention of blogging about the wonderful weekend we had here, but my mind can't get past the shooting at the present. It happened around 9:30 last night, and at the present, it is consuming my thoughts as well as the thoughts of many others.

Casie was extremely touched last night by all the phone calls, texts, and facebook messages she was getting from friends all over who were checking on her. I was touched as well. I don't know if she and her roommate slept last night or not, but I do know that it wouldn't be well received if I called her this early in the morning. As a mom, I just want to talk to her again. I actually want to get in the car and make the drive and just be with her.

I am going to go get my morning cup of coffee and spend some time with the Lord. I am going to thank Him for keeping my child safe. I am going to thank Him that more students were not shot. I am going to ask Him to comfort the families of the victims and all who have been effected by senseless act of violence. I am going to ask that the person(s) responsible for this act are caught soon so that the lockdown will be lifted. I don't know how long it will take for Casie and the others to feel safe again.

Please keep them in your prayers.

Unsinkable

I wish I had the opportunity for a costume for myself this Halloween. I think I'd like to go as the "Unsinkable Molly Brown". She survived the disaster of the Titanic, and was stuck with that nickname. From what I have read, she was quite a feisty gal.

I've had the kind of year where God has carried me through, and shown me that WITH Him, I am unsinkable.

I have made choices and decisions in my life which have led to consequences that haven't been so great. I've carried around alot of baggage as a result. Baggage that would normally sink a person. And I was sinking. I would tread water and stay afloat for awhile, but eventually I would tire and begin to sink. The baggage grew heavier and heavier.

There have been many times in my adult life that God has tried to show me that the baggage can be thrown overboard. And I would do that...only to jump back in the water, retrieve it, and struggle some more.

This year, I realized that I'm tired of being weighed down. I'm ready to throw it all away. It's hard....in some strange ironic sense, there's comfort in holding onto my baggage. It's a little frightening to release it. But with EVERY piece of baggage I throw overboard (and allow to be swept away, and not try to jump in to retrieve it) there is an INCREDIBLE freedom.

I'm realizing that I'm unsinkable. At long as I'm letting God keep me afloat. And as long as I allow Him to throw the baggage overboard. It's hard to release my grip....my fingers clench tightly to some of the stuff I carry.

Quoting Anne Lamotte again: "Sometimes grace works like waterwings when you feel you are sinking." I want to be aware of and embrace God's grace. I want His grace to be my waterwings.

I want to be unsinkable. So I'm going to continue letting go.

Another Rainy Day

We had another rainy day here...which again means no time in the hammock. (sigh)

It's the kind of day where I would have preferred to lounge around in comfy pj's all day, with a blanket and a good book, wonderful aromas coming from the kitchen, a classic old black and white movie on tv, a nap and then time for reflecting.

It hasn't quite happened that way. Work was extremely busy, parent teacher conferences were tonight, as well as a quick trip to the grocery store. By the time I made it home, I was feeling frazzled and tired.

However, I have done some reflecting the last couple of days on something I read. I was reading "A Beautiful Offering" by Angela Thomas. The particular chapter was "Being Yourself". One paragraph really struck a chord with me. She was speaking to the fact that we all have insecurities, and often we think that God must be crazy for calling us or asking us to do some of the things He lays before us. She writes "I imagine He listens to my protests and says, I hear whining like this all the time. Why does everyone question My sovereignty? I am the Creator here, and I'm not surprised by the talent pool. I have always known it's just you, and I choose to use you anyway."

Wow. I am a person plagued with insecurities. To some people, I hide them well. I believe many others can see right through me. I have realized over the last year that I sabotage myself alot, and I sell myself short as well. For the past year, I have been working on accepting myself but also making healthy changes where needed. I haven't quite learned how to juggle the self-acceptance with the self-improvement. I don't always know what needs to be worked on. And I often feel hopeless. So when I read this paragraph...I realized that God knows me. The real me. There's no hiding or pretending with Him. And yet, He still chooses me. Flaws and all. In spite of my failures. Willing to take on my insecurities. Not minding that I am broken and trying to mend. When the world shuns me, He embraces me.

My human nature finds this hard to accept. Along with the changes and acceptance I have been working on this year, I have felt God not only healing me, but changing things in my life. I feel some doors being closed and others opened. I am beginning to think about the possibilities of God preparing me to possibly lead out in other areas than what I am used to. Getting me out of my comfort zone...which oftens leads to complacency. And as God has been laying new possibilities before me, I have been arguing with Him. Telling Him that I wouldn't be good at this or that, that I'm not organized or disciplined enough, that I need more time to heal, and so on and so on.

Maybe I just need to accept God's sovereignty, as Angela says. Maybe I just need to realize that He wants to work through me. Maybe I need to trust, and not just say that I do. Maybe I need to be more willing to follow where He leads.

He knows my strengths and my weaknesses, my failures and successes. It's not like I need to give Him my resume. I just have to be willing to give of myself. Humbly come before Him and say "Here I am".

God isn't surprised by us....so why are we surprised by Him?

Extreme Makeover

"Joy is the best makeup" - Anne Lamotte

I get an e-newsletter from a website each day that has a daily quote, and this was one of the quotes this week.

As a middle aged woman who is frantically trying to hold back the aging process the best that she can, I found this quote from Anne Lamotte so refreshing.

If you looked in my bathroom drawer right now, you would find a wicker basket filled with items such as "Age Defying Daily Renewal Cleanser", "Dead Sea Anti-Stress Face Tonic", "Youthtopia Skin Firming Cream", "Radiance Boost Eye Cream", "Intensive Restoration Treatment", and that's not even to the cosmetics! Those are just skincare products.

If you look further in the drawer for cosmetics, you will find all shades of eye shadow, lipstick, blush, foundation, concealers, eye liners, mascaras, and so forth.

It's actually quite funny when I look at my collection and realize that while these products might make me look somewhat better (well, alot better actually) and make me feel "spiffier".....that they really aren't changing the aging process. My birthday still rolls around every year.

I've decided that Anne is onto something. Have you noticed the faces of people who are full of joy? Their joy is contagious. People smile at me....I smile back. A joyful person has a countenance about them that is radiant. Try hanging out with a joyful person.....I don't care if you are normally Oscar the Grouch, you are going to start feeling some joy. You won't be able to stop yourself.

One thing that I have learned in life is that joy is not happiness necessarily. Some of my most joyful times have been in times of sadness, turmoil, chaos, and the like. How is that possible? Because joy is more than simply an emotion. Joy goes deeper for me. Joy comes from a deeper place than myself.

Joy is found through God. And when I am going through troubled times, and I feel the Heavenly Father picking me up, dusting me off, and helping me back on my way....I have joy. I have cried tears of anguish, felt God's arms wrap around me, and have had joy in the middle of tears. It's hard to explain if you've never experienced it. But it is real, my friends.

Look at the people around you....I bet you will be able to tell who has joy and who does not. There is a peace that comes with joy. A peace that surpasses all understanding.

I want that makeover. I want joy to be part of my daily countenance. I want to be so closely anchored to the Lord that no matter what emotions and/or circumstances I might be going through, joy is something that never leaves.

So while I'm not advocating leaving off the makeup...heaven knows that I will have mine on tomorrow, I am saying that I want my face to reflect the joy that is in my heart. I believe that I will not only look younger, but will feel younger, will have a "spring in my step" and a "sparkle in my eye". I hope that when people see my mouth, they don't necessarily notice the shade of my lipstick (not that I don't love lipstick...'cause in all honesty, I do) but I hope my mouth reflects words of encouragement and kindness, a smile across my lips, and joyful laughter that comes forth easily.

I want a joy makeover.

No Maintenance Required

My thumb hasn't been very green this year...I've barely managed to maintain my yard, which means I haven't spent much time on the flowers this year.

But thankfully, God created perennials for fickle gardeners like me, and I still am able to enjoy wonderful bursts of color in my yard even though I have done nothing.

After hibernating all summer, my mums have opened forth with their beautiful cheery yellow and you just can't help but smile when you look at them.

There's not much in life that doesn't require some kind of maintenance at the least, and more importantly, some TLC. This morning, my mums reminded me that even when I am neglectful, God is still out there doing His thing. Always faithful.

Be Still

I don't think I'll normally blog twice in one day, but since I'm doing this for me, and not really for anyone else, I guess there are no rules and I can do what I feel like.

When downloading some pics today off of my camera, I came across this picture that I had forgotten I had taken this spring. If you look real closely through the branches, you will see a bird sitting on the eggs in her nest. She made her home in my redbud tree, and she was a beautiful bird.You can't zoom in like I was able to, but you can make out the shape of her tail and her head. She stoically and faithfully sat on that nest day in and day out.

Many people would not find this very significant at all...I mean that's what mama birds do, right?

But this bird became a symbol for me this spring.

Spring weather can be brutal....it's warm one day, freezing the next. Storms come through this area very frequently during springtime. The wind can gust quite often.

This bird NEVER left her nest...she was so steadfast and dedicated to protecting her eggs. Now I'm sure at some times during the day, she would have to leave and get food for herself. I never saw it happen, but I'm sure it did. I do feel certain, however, that she was never far from the nest, and probably dined on her seeds or bugs with one eye on that nest at all times.

The reason this bird and her nest became so symbolic to me is that I, too, was going through a season of change. My life became very stormy....the wind would blow so hard, I felt as if my entire family were going to blow away. I questioned God, I questioned myself. Even when I didn't have answers...I could hear (or feel) God's voice telling me to "Be Still". I felt as if He were telling me on a daily basis that I was to trust....to remain steadfast...to protect my nest, and that He would be there for me.

Everything about the bird became symbolic. The branches that gave her cover and refuge symbolized the refuge that prayer gave me. When I turned to God, I felt as if He were wrapping His arms around and keeping me safe.

The sturdiness of her nest became symbolic of the sturdiness of my family. Sure, we were being tossed around by a storm....unsure of what was going to happen next. But I had to trust and believe that we had built a strong and sturdy home...and that in the end, we would be sheltered from the devastation of life's storms. We WOULD go through storms....we all do. And we might experience some loss, but God would be faithful to carry us through the storm.

The ever-changing weather became symbolic of our ever-changing world during that time. There were new emotions, challenges, trials....that seemed like a daily occurence. I was so weary....there were so many times I wanted to give up....but I would look out my window at that bird....sitting....on her nest. The tree might be bending with the wind, but there she sat. She might get soaked in a storm, but there she sat. There were days when the winds would calm and the sun would shine on her....and there she sat. Patiently. Dutifully. Never flinching. She knew what her task was, and she stuck to it.

During this time in my life, I knew that my task was to keep my focus on God. I had alot of issues that I needed to work on...issues that had been buried deep inside, and that were brought to the surface in an abrupt and painful way. I had the task of confronting my insecurities, weaknesses and fears...and I could either let the storm blow me off course, or I could remain steadfast.

I'm not sure where Mama Bird got her perserverance from...but I know where mine came from. It was my Father....pure and simple. He wrapped me up in His love and daily reminded me to just "Be Still". To wait. To allow Him to transform me. To trust. To have faith. To be diligent. To do whatever task He lay before me and to not waiver.

It wasn't easy...it still isn't. But just as Mama Bird got through her task of protecting her eggs, and gave birth to new life, God helped me stay on my task. And I feel as if I was given new life.

I still stumble, I still lose my focus, I still have troubles with insecurities and failures. Amazingly, however, God has this incredible way of bringing me back to Him and back to focusing on the task at hand.

At the present, my focus is firstly on Him and working on myself. I am to continue being diligent and steadfast...and I am to be like Mama Bird was all spring....to just Be Still and Trust.

Reflections

We've had some very beautiful fall days here lately. Which for me, of course, means more time in my hammock.

I find that I am able to "clear my head" when I am outside, and better able to reflect on my own thoughts and feelings.

Yesterday at church, Pastor John gave me some food for thought. He said that we should have each of the following three in our life:

A "Paul" - someone who teaches us and mentors us.

A "Timothy" - someone we can teach.

A "Barnabas" - someone who is our encourager.

I've been mulling this over ever since yesterday's worship service. I have a "Paul" and a "Barnabas" in my life. I don't even know if they're aware of it.

My dear friend, Janie, would be my "Paul" right now. She had the wonderful vision a few years ago to start up a small group bible study and let me tell you, our group has definitely been a "God thing". We are a group of about 10 women, very diverse, from different stages and walks of life, different churches...and yet, we are so incredibly close. Our small group times are some of the most precious and valued times in my life. Janie has an incredible thirst for knowledge and spiritual growth, and she seems to keep her finger on the pulse of what our group needs and can grow from. She challenges me to think about my spiritual walk....she challenges me to not limit my viewpoint of God but to be willing to see Him "outside of the box" of my own upbringing, theology, etc.

My "Barnabas" is Vicki - what a precious, treasured friend she is! She is the biggest encourager in my life right now. She has this uncanny gift of knowing when I need encouraging, sometimes before I know it myself. We see each other almost daily, since we work in the same office. Our families are best friends....we have worshipped together. We are in small group together. We went to the same college. We have history. Sometimes it's just her mere presence in my life that is encouragement for me. I laugh with her like I laugh with no one else. There's probably many times that no one else would "get it"...understand why we are laughing. Sometimes I'll find a little "happy" on my desk at the office, or she'll bring something by the house. One of the unhappiest days of my life, she brought by a hamburger straight off her grill wrapped in foil. They had just eaten supper, and she had called me at a terrible time, heard the fear and hurt in my voice, and drove immediately over knowing that I had not taken time to eat that day. That simple gesture meant alot. This morning, she brought me a piece of homemade apple cake...what a wonderful way to start out a Monday. We talk, listen, laugh, cry, get silly, be serious, pray for each other and lift one another up. Yep, she's my Barnabas.

But I don't have a "Timothy" in my life right now. And that has given me pause. Something to reflect on and figure out what I need to do to correct that. For years, I worked in children's ministry, so I had many "Timothys" that I taught. I love teaching children, and it's something I felt called to do for a long time. But recently, God has had me "step back" so to speak, to do some soul searching, inner reflection, and healing within my own life. I have the feeling He is preparing me for something else. I guess my two daughters could be counted as "Timothys". God has given me the blessing and honor of being their mother and I am to teach them God's Word.

Which leads me to another thought....it is scary in a sense to have a Timothy in your life. If we make our lives open and transparent, if we allow people access into our world, then they all of us....the good, the bad and the ugly. The warts and all. They see the good days and the bad days. When I taught childrens Sunday School, in all honesty, the children probably only saw what I wanted them to see. It is fairly easy to put on my "Sunday best" and present the lesson I have prepared. It's a little harder when it's my own girls - who see me as I really am. Wow. Talk about a heavy responsiblity. When they look at me, they will see a Mom who has screwed up many times - reacted in ways I shouldn't, procrastinated on things I should've done sooner, yelled when maybe I should've listened first, but hopefully they will see a Mom who loves them with all of her heart, and hopefully they will see a woman who loves God with all of her heart, and who is taking this journey called "life" one day at a time, and learning to live in God's grace and mercy.

Maybe it's a good thing that they've seen the "real" me...the good, the bad, and the ugly. Maybe that will help them understand how awesome God is....that He loves us no matter what we do or say, how bad we might mess up. Because life can get pretty complicated. (which of course, makes me love the hammock even more....nothing complicated about lying in that!)

So...I guess my girls are my "Timothys" right now. Although maybe John's point was to have someone else besides our own kids as a Timothy. I guess I'm just now starting to realize that I need to ask God to open my eyes and show me people within my own world with whom I can be a part of their life. I'm not trying to say that I have answers and knowledge and all that.....on the contrary. I'm a seeker also....I'm a believer who is realizing that I need to seek God more than I have. He needs to be my heart's desire.

I hope this week that God opens my eyes to more Pauls, Timothys and Barnabas'. I hope that I see and listen when He speaks to me. I hope that I put aside my own selfishness or insecurities and will be willing to allow Him to use me in someone's life as a Paul, Timothy or Barnabas.

Here I am, Lord. Send me.

It's a Good Day

I woke up this morning very tired and moving in slow motion. We have had a wonderful weekend here at the Dougherty household - beautiful fall weather, precious family time, business with Lindsey's activities and enjoying Casie while she was home on fall break.

As a parent, there is something so deeply satisfying about having all of your chicks in the nest. I never quite understood that until our oldest, Casie, went away to college. I'm so proud of her and her accomplishments, and I wouldn't trade any of the wonderful education experience she is getting to have her back home. She is where she needs to be and doing what she needs to be doing. But on those wonderful occasions when she is home and I can gaze across the table and see both of my girls, I feel so happy inside.

Andy and I helped Lindsey host her annual Halloween party last night. We had an awesome group of 6th graders over, and it is always a pleasure to have our girls' friends in our home. Andy made a fire in the fire pit, and the girls roasted hot dogs and marshmallows outside and afterwards we bobbed for apples. Good, old fashioned fun....you can't beat it. They had amazing costumes and the sound of laughter could be heard all throughout our yard and our home. Our dogs even got into the festivities - playing with the girls and stealing anyone's hot dog that wasn't paying attention. (Thank goodness I had plenty)

As I reflect on the weekend, I am reminded again of how much I have to be thankful for. I am thankful for Andy - I appreciate the husband and father that he is. I love the fact that he is so handy that he can handle ANY kind of crisis I run into on days we are entertaining. Something gets broken, doesn't work, doesn't look right, or I've misplaced something I need. Give him a paperclip, rubberbands, nails, glue, etc - and he's like McGyver. He can fix and rig up anything I ask. He amazes me.

I am thankful for Casie. She's a very giving and unselfish young woman. Whatever group she is involved in - church groups, civic groups, school groups, etc.....she will give them her best effort. She arrived home this weekend after an incredibly busy 2 weeks at UCA - homecoming activities, Sigma activities, midterms, etc. She came through the door exhausted but with a smile on her face. Our relationship is evolving...we are mother and daughter, but as she grows into womanhood, our conversations change and I see other sides to her. It's hard to believe she'll be 21 in December. She's still so young....and yet, I see her growing everyday.

I am thankful for Lindsey - her laughter and sense of humor keep me in stitches. She is quick-witted and an absolute delight to be around. As she gets more involved in activities this year such as beginning band, youth group, and a civic group - I see her compassion for others. She's always been the one who wants to make sure all people are included. Our relationship is changing as well. Instead of driving her to younger children's activities, I just came back from dropping off her and friend for youth group at FPC.

Where does the time go???? I blinked, and my girls kept growing. I blinked and I had grown older. I blinked and realized I had missed opportunities I thought would always be around. I blinked and realized I missed someone's birthday or anniversary. I blinked and a whole week has gone by without me exercising or eating like I should. I blinked and the front door still doesn't have a fresh coat of paint. I blinked and the book on my nightstand is still untouched.

I blinked and Sunday is almost over.

I've realized that I need to make the most of each day that I am given. It's a realization that I have known for years now, but I don't always act on it. I want to live out this realization. I want to wake up eager for the new day. I want to look at the world and those around me through God's eyes, and love as He loves. I want to embrace Andy and the girls. I want to laugh and cry with my friends. I want lay my head on the pillow each night and thank God for the blessings and opportunities of the day.

Feeling Chaos, Wanting Peace

Saturday morning...and the sun is about to rise. I've opened the window here in the den where I can see the beautiful early morning sky. I usually feel peaceful this time of day....but peace is eluding me this morning.

I have a problem with focus....I tend to get distracted, I procrastinate, and I end up unorganized. I have the sort of personality where I sometimes will sit and think for what seems like FOREVER on a situation, or the tasks before me, instead of just acting. You can think yourself into a funk, that's for sure. I've done it many times.

I've been in a funk the last few days. I've been worrying about things that I'm not sure I need to worry about. Let me take that back, I KNOW I shouldn't worry about them. I should give them over to God. I should do what I know is best...lay those thoughts and feelings and worries at His feet and let Him guide me. Why do we (I) struggle with doing what I know is right?

So, as I sit here this morning, I have alone time. Which I love. As much as I adore my family, and I do...(I mean, what's not to adore???) I am a better person when I wake up before everyone else and spend time alone with God. I don't always do it, but when I do, I seem to have much better focus on the day before me. Anyway...here I sit. Linds has spent the night with a friend so she is over there, Andy is still at the fire department (soon to come) and Casie is in bed, naturally. (Casie and sunrises have never really met). Instead of enjoying the sunrise as I normally do, I'm sitting and stewing over what needs to be done. I'm worrying over relationships and situations. I'm browbeating myself for not being more organized. In other words, I'm sabotaging my own morning. WHY?

I opened up a devotional book that I just love. It's written by Kristin Armstrong, it's and it's titled Strength for the Climb. It's a book that has helped me alot this year. I turned to this morning's devotion, and it hit the nail on the head for me. She talks about "No Substitutes", and the message is that God's peace is most evident when everything is falling down around us. How true that is! I've had a year where everything has fallen down around me. The rug yanked out from underneath me. And the more chaotic and messed up my life got, the more focused I became. She says that God's peace in a time of chaos can give us more clarity than in normal times. This has been the case in my own life more than once. The more unsteady my life gets during these times, the more I realize how steady God is. Kristin also talks about how this is not something we can manage, manipulate, force or steal. We can't will it or think it into being. It's not something WE do in other words. It is what it is. It's God. All I have to do is recognize it. The verse she uses for today is one of my faves..."The peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7

I need to take my coffee, go outside and just recognize God. I need to allow His peace to fall on me. I know it is there. I've felt it. I've lived in it. When I fail to recognize it, that is when my insecurities and my weaknesses take over. I've had a week of failing to recognize God's peace. And all it has brought to me is a paralysis of sorts. When I worry, I tend to become paralyzed. I become paralyzed emotionally because fear takes over. I become paralyzed in a practical sense, because as an unorganized person and a lifelong procrastinator, I don't focus on the tasks at hand. I let them overwhelm me. I've had that sort of week also.

So I'm going to take a moment, take a deep breath and simply acknowledge. I'll acknowledge God for who He is. I'll let Him wrap me in His arms, and know that His peace will come on me. I'll have a better day than what I thought I was going to have, because I will let go of my own control. (which ironically leads me down a path of NO control).

Here I am Lord....

Rainy Days

Things To Do on a Rainy Day:

Watch old movies.

Watch new movies.

Listen to some good jazz music.

Bake.

Cook something yummy in the crockpot.

Write letters (yep, good ol' snail mail) to someone you miss.

Read that novel you've been wanting to read.

Enjoy a mug of flavored coffee , hot tea or cocoa.

Wrap up in a blanket and enjoy a nap.

Pop some popcorn.

Have everyone "pile up" on your bed - spouse, kids, dogs - and just talk and laugh.

Play a board game like Scrabble or Pictionary, or one of our latest favorites, Apples to Apples.

Unfortunately, I'm working at the office today, so most of these activities aren't on my agenda. I'm a little jealous because Andy is off duty today, and is home with our oldest daughter, Casie, who is on college fall break. I'm sure Linds is envious as well, as she is sitting in a classroom right now taking a 9 weeks test.

But I will try to do some of those things when I get home. We've decided to go eat at one of our favorite places in Memphis - Huey's. Wonderful burgers and wonderful bacon/cheese fries. One of the best things about Huey's is that they give you a jar full of toothpicks and you shoot them to the ceiling through your straws. We always have a good time doing that and seeing how many we can get to stick in the ceiling tiles. After that, we're costume shopping for Saturday's Halloween party at our house. Lindsey is hosting a great group of girls for an evening of food and games.

We should be home early enough to bake a batch of cookies or brownies, enjoy a warm beverage and play a board game. An old movie might be substituted for a night of baseball playoffs, as we are baseball fans at our house. I will wind down with a nice hot bath, some jazz music and a mystery novel. Before the night is over, I'm sure everyone will end up on our bed and we'll laugh hysterically at funny stories or the funny behavior between our lab and our jack russell. At least I hope so. So many of my favorite times are the times that we are all piled up together....I just look at everyone around me and smile....I feel so happy and full of love. And I will thank God for giving me such a wonderful family, and for filling our home with love and laughter. I will thank Him for the rainy days, and for the chance they give us to slow down and relax. I will thank Him for reminding me that He washes my soul just as the rain washes the earth. I will thank Him for being my refuge when there is a storm. And just as I will thank Him for the sunshine that we are supposed to have tomorrow, I will thank Him for the sunshine that I always see after He has seen me through one of the many storms of life.

Whether your day is rainy or sunny, make the most of it. Enjoy. Love. And thank God.

Why Life in a Hammock?

This is the first day of my "blogging experiment". I have no idea how this will bode for me...or the reason why I'm giving it a shot. But blogging has always interested me somewhat, and I've discovered this year that my life is a continual journey, so putting my thoughts and feelings out there may just be helpful to me.

So, why the title "Life in a Hammock"? Well, I've spent alot of time in our family hammock this year. It's been a very rough and challenging year for me....and I first began going to the hammock out of necessity for some "alone time". If you are a parent, you probably will understand the need for that. The hammock was my retreat...a place that I could cry freely without concerned eyes staring at me and trying to figure out what was up with Mom.

Pretty soon, the hammock became the first thing I would do upon coming home from the office. Well, to be honest, I would change out of office clothes into comfy clothes, make a glass of iced tea, and then I'd be lying in the hammock before you knew it, staring at the beautiful blue sky.

God and I had wonderful talks in the hammock. My prayer time became very personal and full of intensity out in the hammock. For me, there is something wondrous about being outside in God's creation when I pray. I talk easier to Him outdoors than I do anywhere else.

The hammock became my place to read. I read my bible, inspirational books, novels, magazines and cookbooks while lying outside.

After a few weeks, both of my girls began to show interest in the hammock. One at a time, or sometimes both together, they would gravitate outside to where I was and before I knew it, my tranquility and "alone time" would be over. But amazingly, I never felt a grumble in my heart. You see, we were going through a painful time summer, and we needed each other like never before. The hammock became a place of conversation...sometimes silly, sometimes serious. We laughed alot in the hammock. Secrets and feelings were shared. Sometimes we just cuddled and would swing back and forth.

People began to catch onto the fact that my "hammock time" was precious, but no one understood this more than my best friend. She'd call sometimes and ask "Are you in the hammock? I don't want to disturb you". I can't think of a time that I didn't either need or enjoy her phone call, but she's just the type of "real" friend to whom I could've said "Let me call you back" and she would've understood perfectly.

And oh yeah...I forgot to mention the dogs. Cocoa, our loveable lab, and Flash, our active jack russell, both enjoyed laying on the ground right next to the hammock, hoping we'd pick up a ball or frisbee to play with them.

I'm going to enjoy as much of the hammock as I can during these glorious fall days, before we have to put it up for the winter. If I could bring the hammock inside, I would. But something tells me it wouldn't be the same.

But I love my life in a hammock. And my time in my hammock has taught me to enjoy my life no matter where I am.