Today was a regular summer Saturday...girls sleeping late (I didn't mind...just glad they are home at the same time!), errands and grocery shopping, the girls' dad came over and spent some time with them, and then they left for the Memphis Redbird game. I finished up some work in the backyard, and then upon feeling a cool breeze....quickly made my way to my favorite outdoor spot....the hammock.
I had been having a mental pity party while I was mowing. It's an odd feeling seeing the girls go off with their dad. Not that I don't want them to....I'm glad they do. It's just that the dissolvement of a family is sad all the way around. There's no other way to put it. Baseball games are something we all enjoyed together. One year, that was his Valentine Day present from me, season tickets. So, I was feeling nostalgic and sad knowing they were doing something we used to all do together. We have also had some wonderful July 4ths together....and it is sad to me, knowing that we won't be anymore. So my mind was getting bogged down in sadness.
I eased in, glad to have a place to rest the tired ol' body (yard work takes a toll on me the older I get), and looked up towards the sky. Gorgeous blue, a few white fluffy clouds. The dogs were laying in the grass next to me, birds were actually chirping, leaves rustling in the wind....it was a perfect evening.
I was able to think on some things that have been crowding my mind lately...and for some reason, I think clearly outside and even more clearly in my hammock. Maybe it's all in my head, but I seem to have better focus out there. I spent some much needed time in prayer. And afterwards, I dozed in my hammock and enjoyed a nap in the fading sunshine.
When it came time to come back inside, I felt more relaxed and centered. I was able to realize that I am still going to feel some sadness over 23 years of marriage ending. There is still some pain to work through, and more tears that will be shed. But, I was also able, after my prayers and reflection, to realize that God still has plans for me....and they are going to be good, and I am excited to find out what they are. I felt His healing hands upon me again today...reminding me that He is in control, and He has me safely in His arms.
That's what my hammock does for me.
Today I am grateful for:
1. My hammock.
2. The freedom I have to go outside in my backyard and worship and pray. What a great country we live in!
3. Healing.
