Counting

"Count your many blessings, name them one by one,And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain:Count your blessings, name them one by one,Count your blessings, see what God hath done!Count your blessings, name them one by one,*Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.[*And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.]

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;Count your many blessings—wealth can never buyYour reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,Do not be discouraged, God is over all;Count your many blessings, angels will attend,Help and comfort give you to you till your journey's end. "

Lately, I've been intentionally viewing life with an "attitude of gratitude"... trying to do that in my circumstances, my relationships, my words and my actions. This weekend, I was shaken quite a bit by something way beyond my control. Panic begin to set in....thankfully for me, I knew to reach out to a few and let their encouragement lift me up...I did just that, I reached out - and true to form, they encouraged. Panic gave way to prayer.

And this morning, I woke up with this hymn playing in my soul and my mind. A wonderful reminder that I am truly a blessed individual.

Today I am thankful for:

1. My Lord....who who always good and faithful.

2. My prayer warriors and encouragers....may we always continue to be there for one another!

3. My blessings....which are truly overflowing.

Circling the Airport

As I'm learning more and more about A.D.D., I feel like someone has shined a flashlight into my world and all of a sudden, I can see the little small things that I often overlook.

In a book that I am working through, one of the descriptions given for A.D.D. is "circling the airport but never landing." When I read that, I almost jumped up out of my chair yelling "YES!! THAT'S ME!" However, I was sitting in a doctor's waiting room next to a sleeping man (who was also snoring) and I really didn't have the heart to scare him awake.

Words are powerful, as we all know. And these words hit me with a mighty force of self-recognition. Often when I am faced with a big task, I feel overwhelmed and simply don't know where to start. So I will think about it, analyze it, plan it out, talk about it, take notes on it...which are in and of themselves good things. But here's the problem for A.D.D. folks....we simply don't know how to dive in and start. So, we "circle the airport without landing". I can even do this on a regular or fairly small sized task, if it is something I am dreading.

So as I tackle this particular A.D.D. trait, I am going to focus on "the landing". We'll see how it goes!

Today I'm grateful for:

1. The tease of autumn in the air.

2. The feeling of "Bazinga!" when all of a sudden a confusing area is illuminated.

Weeds

Merriam Webster's definition of "weed" "1. a plant that is not valued where it is growing and is usually of vigorous growth; especially : one that tends to overgrow or choke out more desirable plants 2. an obnoxious growth.

Weeds pop up when we don't want them. Without proper treatment, they will totally take over a yard or flower bed. Believe me, I know firsthand. This summer you could have nicknamed me the "Lazy Gardener" and you would be right. I wasn't diligent, and with the exception of my container plants, my yard has suffered this year. I chose to pick my battles, and the flowerbeds and well manicured yard weren't on the list this year. I did the required maintenance work, and that was all. The result: a mowed lawn, but one that has weeds popping up instead of just a soft green carpet of healthy grass, and beautiful containers but a messy bed of perennials. When I realized that weeds grow much faster than grass, and that I just couldn't mow fast enough, I finally stopped turning on the sprinkler mid summer.

This morning as I was reading during my quiet time, I came across an article entitled "Don't Water the Weeds". This particular article was written for divorce recovery, but it got me to thinking about all the different types of weeds I've had in my life over the years.

Our weeds can be tied to relationships, past failures, disappointments, bad habits, low self esteem, weaknesses or sin.

The "short" list for me - not finishing my college degree (low self esteem and in MY mind...a personal failure), struggle with my weight (low self esteem again), relationships that weren't always healthy, and most recently, my divorce. Years ago in my teen years, I struggled with gossip and a sarcastic sense of humor...two very bad habits that could be hurtful to others. I also had at times a tendency towards a rebellious nature that could lead to bad decisions - ending in bad consequences.

I'm learning not to dwell on those negatives...that is akin to "watering the weeds". If my focus is on the negative, it will choke out the positive. I also have learned that my soul needs tending to. And just as it is with my yard and flowerbeds where an unexpected weed can pop up seemingly out of nowhere, I am realizing that my mind and my soul need to be re-examined on a regular basis so that the weeds don't pop up unexpectedly. If I don't pull out the weed when it is tiny and easy to remove, it will grow quickly and spread like wildfire. Pretty soon, my soul can end up as messy as my bed of perennials. I'm going to intentionally work on my mind, heart and soul....I don't want to water the weeds in my life.

Looking Ahead, Not Back

Each morning across my email comes a message from "Real Simple: Daily Thought". I read them each morning, somedays it doesn't really hit me, but on somedays, the message is a real gem. Today's real simple message WAS a gem for me:

"Look at life through the windshield, not the rearview mirror."

I'm not quite sure I actually agree with it 100%, but I do agree with the overall message. And this morning, it was a good message for me to hear. It's hard not to look in the rearview mirror of my life right now. I miss the family that was. And yet, I DO trust that God has a plan for my future, and that the plan is a good one. But I'm human, and I have times where instead of looking forward, I find myself looking backwards and dwelling on what was.

Looking backwards can be good....reminiscing over good times is great, reflecting over bad times can be helpful if we learn something from those times. But if we get too focused on what we are leaving, we are probably going to miss the things ahead.

I really don't want to miss anything. On any road there are going to pitfalls, detours or roadblocks. I need to be focused and alert for those when I come to them. There are also going to be new adventures, new relationships, and beautiful things to see on the way. I certainly don't want to miss those!

So this morning I am praying for renewed focus. That I will look through the windshield of my life. If I glance in the rearview mirror, let it just be a quick look back or if it's longer, that it be for something I need to remember. And let me get back to looking through the windshield quickly. As far as I've come, I certainly don't want to wreck, miss a turn, or veer off course now!

Two Way Street

One thing that is amazing about encouragement is that it is a two way street. If we choose to be encouragers to those around us, we are assured of God's blessing. When we open our eyes and hearts to people, pay attention to what is going on in their lives, and respond to God's urging of encouragement (you know, that little tap on the shoulder or nudging in your heart) we are showing God that we care about His children. That makes our Father smile.

Usually I have found that people are open to encouragement. Sometimes, however, there is so much pain or anger that they aren't quite ready, so we make ourselves vulnerable when we reach out. The initial reaction to our encouragement may not be well received...but God will still find a way to bless us for our effort.

Sometimes an amazing thing happens, and that is when we are encouraging to another, the person we reached out to ends up encouraging us right back. That is what happened to me last night with a friend, and it was, in the words of another friend, truly "a God thing". The two-way street in action. We both felt lifted up and loved.

Today I am thankful for encouragement - both given and received.

New Beginnings

My house was a flurry of activity this morning as it was the first day of the new school year. Lindsey is moving up from middle school to junior high and so nerves, anticipation and curiosity were high this morning. Of course, it's not quite cool to admit to that, so when I asked about it, I got the regular 13 year old response of the "rolling of the eyes". However, the backpack was filled with new supplies last night, the "first day of school" outfit was carefully selected...which was quite a dramatic event in and of itself. School night bedtime was adhered to and even the early morning wake up went without a hitch. We picked up a friend of hers that will ride with us in the mornings, which of course, makes your first entrance into junior high so much better.

We are met with new beginnings all throughout our lives. New schools, new churches, new jobs, new relationships. Sometimes our new beginnings are the result of endings. New beginnings fill us with a variety of emotions...anticipation, excitement, fear, dread, nervousness, sadness or happiness...the list could go on and on.

In the school line, I watched the various kids getting out of their parents' cars, some with timid steps and some with bold. It made me think of how I approach new beginnings...and I can honestly say, I've done both.

Linds hopped out of the car, threw her backpack over her shoulders and gave me a quick smile and then never looked back. She and her girlfriend hooked up with another friend, and they walked in together. She was the exact same way in kindergarten. Gave us a quick kiss and was on her merry way.

I'm not quite ready to just "hop" right into my new beginning. My steps are a little timid at the present. But, just as Lindsey had her friends walking with her, I'm blessed to have a treasure trove of family and friends who are walking with me. And I can honestly say, that the timid steps sometimes become bolder and stronger, and I look forward eagerly to the day when these timid baby steps are totally gone.

Today I am grateful for:

1. New beginnings

2. People who care enough to encourage your steps and walk with you when needed

3. Learning from my girls...they both continually teach me lessons in life, and they don't even know it!

Moving Forward

As you know if you read my blog or are in my life in any other way, I am on a journey. It's a journey that is unknown for me, and there are times I feel overwhelmed, fearful and full of worry. Actually, those are just three of many different emotions that sometimes assault me.

My faith has grown so much deeper and stronger as a result of the journey I am on. However, the growth of my faith doesn't stop the worries and fears that can pop up in the middle of the day or night.

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned is to not allow myself to get stuck during these times, but to simply keep moving forward. Putting one foot in front of the other, even if I don't quite know what direction I am heading. Not to say that I have never BEEN stuck, because I have. But I'm learning to avoid that, and if I do find myself stuck, to get out of it quickly. Again, put one foot in front of the other.

God hasn't given me a crystal ball to see into my future (and not for lack of asking on my part). He simply tells me to trust and to move forward.

I can't see what's ahead of me, and it's hard not to get distracted with all the emotional upheaval and the practical worries around me.

But everytime I do trust and move forward, I find that He is there. He has already gone ahead of me.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Moving forward

2. Not getting stuck...at least for not too long.

3. Knowing that God is going before me.

Monday Morning

As I woke up a little while ago, I was feeling the "Monday Morning Blues"...back home after a quick trip with Lindsey to see my folks, knowing my desk at the office is going to be piled full, bills to pay today, Casie going back to UCA this morning....I'm just not quite ready for the regular work week to begin. I'm wishing for "one more day". However, the reality is that it's Monday and time to get back to our regular routine.

After letting both dogs out, I tiptoe around the house and look at both of my beautiful daughters still sleeping. My blues change to blessings, for I am truly BLESSED. Sometimes the enormity of my love for them continues to overwhelm me, and the love they give back to me and the love they have for one another is simply amazing and awesome to behold.

When Linds and I got back into town yesterday evening, after greeting Casie with hugs...the chattering began. Three females going at it at once...we were all talking over one another. It was chaotic even for me. But I smiled inside....because I love it when we're all together. I took them out to eat, and I had to laugh. They were already pushing each other's buttons over a song on the radio, and once we got inside the restaurant, they both had so much to say, it was almost like they were competing for my attention. But I still smiled.....and listened....and we laughed...and I tried to get a word in edgewise between the two of them (not sure if I did) but it was a beautiful evening. Back home later that night, it was just a regular night of some television watching, and big sis helping the younger one with her summer assignment from school. As the 3 of us were all together on the couch....my heart just swelled with the joy of being a mom. I know my girls don't get it yet, but they will someday.

This morning, I am thankful for:

1. Mothers and daughters

2. The simple things that make me feel blessed....like daughters excessively talking, and regular Sunday evenings just being together

3. New mornings....and the unexpected changing of feelings from the blues to the recognition of blessings.

Good Morning from Texas

I'm deeply snuggled in bed in the guest room at my parents' house. It's early morning, and day 2 of awaking in Texas. This isn't the house I grew up in, it's a house they moved into later, but there is still the same feeling of home for me. I grew up in the town they still live in, went to the church they still go to, and although they have made many many new friends over the years, they still also have most of the friends they had when I was young. So driving into their driveway always just feels like home to me. I guess it's a reminder that it's not the dwelling but the people that give you the sense of home.

Today I'm thankful for:

1. My mom and dad

2. The home they made for us as we were growing up

3. The hot cup of morning coffee I am about to share with them this morning

A New Venture

I am currently involved in something I have never done before....an online bible study. I've done many different bible studies over the years - but never one online. Since my current small group is on a summer hiatus, I had the time to do this study.

An old high school friend of mine who lives in Virginia is the person who invited me to join this online group. She is on staff at a church in Virginia, and she and I reconnected through Facebook a few years ago. I also follow her blog online. I was both skeptical and curious about how it would work, but curiosity won out and so I decided to join.

First of all, let me say the bible study itself is amazing. I would recommend it to anyone. Secondly, I really feel that God positioned me to do this study at this time. The study is about loss, and everyone living has experienced loss of some sort. Mine happens to be the loss of my marriage. Many of the women in this group have experienced losses of different types, but I have been able to connect with women who have walked this road before me, and their honesty and transparency about this journey has hit me full force. I have gained new empathy and admiration for these women, as I have read words from these strangers which resound in my heart and seem so familiar. They are no longer strangers to me, but now friends. God has really used our discussions and posts to renew my spirit with joy and hope when I seem to be lagging in those areas. More importantly, I have realized that I am not alone in my journey, which is a feeling I struggle with at times. As for the women in the group who have experienced losses of a different sort, I have gleaned and learned alot from them as well. It's been an important reminder to me that we really need to invest in the people that are in our lives. We need to get to KNOW them...to know their life stories...both past and current.

We are all uniquely and individually made....and yet, we are all so similar in so many ways.

Today I am grateful for:

1. My friend, Beth, who asked me to participate.

2. God revealing new things to me about relationships: the people in my life now, and those I have yet to meet.

3. God repositioning my life for new experiences.

Daughters

With summer vacation wrapping up soon, both of my girls are getting ready for the upcoming semester. Casie, the oldest, is winding down a summer session at her university, and about to begin her last fall semester of undergraduate school. Lindsey, my "baby", is about to begin her first year of junior high.

Whenever we begin the tasks of completing schedules, tuition, teacher meetings, book buying and school supplies; I always find myself waxing nostalgic over the years and being simply amazed at how quickly the years go by. The first picture you see is one of Casie in high school, and Linds was in elementary school. (Go ahead and groan...they did. I always made them pose for "1st day of school" pictures) The second picture is a current one from this year, on a day when Lindsey was going to a semi formal and Casie had come home to help her get ready.

There is a 9 year age difference in my girls....not necessarily planned by us, but just the way that God designed our family. In the very beginning, I worried that the girls would not be emotionally close due to the age difference. I had a very precious friend who was exactly 9 years older than her sister, and shared with me how close the two of them were. I was also reassured by my mother and her relationship with her younger sister - there is 10 years between them and they are close also.

My girls are very tight. They have a bond that is just precious to behold. That doesn't mean there aren't arguments or rolled eyes. Trust me, they can push each other's buttons. But they are fiercely loyal and protective of one another, and they each love and accept the other one unconditionally.

It's been a tough time for the girls. If I could have kept them from the pain of our family dynamics changing, I would have. Much deeper than my own pain has been seeing the pain they feel. But during those times, I remind myself that just as I feel God's healing when I am in pain, so do they. And one thing my girls are learning is that God is ALWAYS there. It's not just a churchy saying or cliche, it's true. We are living it. They are able to see that God doesn't shy away from our pain, anger or confusion. He walks us through it, and when we allow Him, He shows us the way and we are able to see that He has a plan for us to get through it all. While our home has had alot of tears and sadness, there has remained alot of laughter and joy. It's amazing how our Lord makes that happen...but He does. My girls have learned the blessing of God's faithfulness.

Another blessing of tough times is that they bring you closer, if you allow yourself to be real with one another. We are very real. And we are very close.

They are amazing young women, and I am so glad that I was chosen to be their mom. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll look over a few more pictures.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Casie and Lindsey.

2. The relationship they share.

3. Our past, present and future.

Encouragers

I received a wonderful facebook message this morning, as I have every day this week from one of the biggest encouragers I know. I've been blessed with some wonderful friends in my life, and one of the dearest to me is my sister-in-law and precious friend, Debbie. This is a picture of the two of us this summer when she came to visit. I still call her my sister-in-law, although years ago she went through a painful divorce with my brother-in-law, and now I'm going through one myself. However, when we were much younger and met through our connection of each having married into the Dougherty family, we bonded instantly and became lifelong friends, and we both still think of each other as family.

She and I have become each other's biggest encouragers over the years. We had learned we had things in common, and we loved talking about motherhood, arts and crafts, our love of the holidays, and family life together. However, in looking back, I see that our friendship really grew and flourished when she went through a very painful and difficult time. As her marriage began to have problems, we became closer. We corresponded, talked, prayed and cried together. My heart was breaking for her, and I wanted her to know that she was loved and I felt God's urging to really commit to being an encourager and prayer warrior for her. We kept up the closeness even as her marriage sadly ended in a divorce and she became a single mom. With every step she took, whether it was a step forward or a step backward, as so often happens in these storm in life, my respect and love for her grew. I saw a woman who was knocked down by life's events, but who kept getting up and pressing onward. Her faith in God to see her through hard times and His plan for her life amazed me.

As my marriage began to take a very similar path as hers, I looked to her as one of my biggest encouragers. I knew I could share anything with her, that she was a safe shoulder to cry on. Her unconditional love, friendship and support have been one of the biggest blessings in my life.

She and I are comfortable sharing laughter, tears, anger, frustrations, joy....you name it...we share it with one another. We've never lived geographically close except for a very brief period of time in the late 1980s. We've had to work and nurture a long distance friendship. But I'm so thankful that we have chosen to do just that.....I treasure every card, letter, gift, email, facebook message and visit we have shared.

She knows me so well, that she knew when my original hammock broke last summer, that I would be wanting a new one....after all, anyone who knows me, knows that my "hammock time" is where I unwind, where I pray, where I read, where I write, where I feel free to cry when I need to. It's my special spot. Imagine my surprise when I came home from work one day last summer and a large box was on my front porch....with a new hammock ready to be used. Without even seeing a card, I immediately knew who it came from.

Even more than any material gifts we've given back and forth over the years, the gifts of prayer and encouragement are what I treasure the most.

Today I'm grateful for:

1. The encouragers in my life.

2. Friendships that are nurtured and tended to.

3. Debbie.

I've been doing so much needed yardwork the last couple of days, and yardwork in August is not on my list of favorite things to do. It's hot, humid and everything is wilting. I usually wilt myself after just a few minutes.

Alot of flowers are past their blooming season, but my trumpet vine is as orange and vibrant as ever. I have a neighbor who insists its a weed, and deserves to be mowed down. He's even been known to mow down the trumpet vines on the outside of neighbors' fences, whether they want him to or not. If you can buy it in a plant catalog, I'd hardly say it's a weed. All I know is that it attracts the butterflies, and I have a feeling I might see more hummingbirds if it weren't for my jack russell who chases birds all over the place. It also brightens up a corner of my very weathered wooden fence. If my neighbor is correct and it is a weed...well, that's okay too. As a little girl, I would give my mother a bouquet of weeds and she would lovingly water them and place them in a vase or cup for display. Both of my girls have brought me flowering weeds over the years, and I've done the same thing....thanking them, hugging them, and lovingly placing them in a vase. My own girls are too grown to bring me weeds these days, but I hope to have grandchildren bringing me those precious treasures someday in the future.

Maybe the problem is no one has ever given my neighbor a weed bouquet. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder is a true saying....I'm just thankful that I've learned to look for the beauty around me. May my heart never stop melting at a pair of dirty little hands and a dirt covered face bringing me a weed bouquet, and may I always look for the everyday beauty in nature.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Trumpet vines....weed or flower.

2. Bouquets lovingly picked and delivered by dirty smiling faces.

3. The fact that this certain neighbor can't reach MY vine to mow it down.

An Afternoon Alone

It's early Sunday afternoon and the house is quiet again. Just an hour earlier, there was alot of noise and activity. Both girls and both dogs were inside. They have now left for Memphis and lunch with their dad. While it is still a surreal and odd feeling that our family now has this separation and sharing, I think we are slowly becoming accustomed to it. Somedays we do better than others. Somedays, I think one of us or more than one of us, takes a few steps backwards. But we are dealing. We are hanging in there and learning.

Today I was fine as I waved the three of them off. I was glad they were spending the afternoon together. And they are even bringing me back a salad to eat on later. I'm so thankful that we are not in the middle of a situation that is hostile. A lesson that I've been learning and relearning for many years now, is that even in the trials and hard times of life, there are blessings when you open your eyes and look for them. I'm glad their father and I are working at re-establishing our friendship and some form of partnership, even though it is vastly different than marriage.

After they drove away, I busied myself cutting up fresh peaches, sprinkling them with sugar and placing in a big bowl in the fridge. When the girls are back later, we will make peach milkshakes. As I was in the kitchen cutting up the peaches and smelling the wonderful aroma, I was taken back in time to my great-grandmother's kitchen. She always had peaches in her freezer that she had put away during the summer. We could bring those out and have them over ice cream or she could make a cobble anytime of the year.

I also made mixed together some hummingbird nectar and poured into the feeder to place outside. I stepped out on the deck, and was assaulted by a heat index of 110, and decided the hummingbird feeder could be hung later this evening.

I have a good book I'm reading, and I think I'll read it for a little while and then take a quick nap before they come back. Although there are many times that I don't like the quantity of aloneness that is now in my life, I am adapting and learning to make it mine. I can be as busy as I want, or I can use this time to regroup, refresh and heal.

Today I am thankful for:

1. The taste and smell of sweet summer peaches, and the memories that are evoked.

2. Leisurely Sunday afternoons.

3. Knowing that God is at work in our lives...even when sometimes it is hard to see. I know that my faith has grown when I am resting in the "knowing".