Reflections of Thanksgiving

It's the Saturday morning after Thanksgiving, and I'm snuggled under a warm throw on the loveseat in our living room...looking at the lit Christmas tree, beautifully decorated, feet warmed by one of the dogs curled on top of them, enjoying the quiet and peace of my favorite time of day.

I've had a hard time blogging lately...wondering if any of my blogging friends ever go through this. Life continues, events continue, emotions continue...sometimes words just don't come easily to me when I sit to write.

I'm still adjusting to the "single life". It is an odd reality at times. It's hard to switch off thinking as a married person, to thinking as a single person. They say it takes only 3 weeks for a habit to form, so I guess I should cut myself some slack, as I was married for 23 years. Still...I'm wondering when it will not feel so weird to me.

Wednesday was full of anticipation....Lindsey was home from school, I was able to leave the office early to begin the Thanksgiving prep, and Casie was heading home. Our evening was full of laughter and silliness as we finally were all together and enjoying a casual supper of finger foods.

Thursday was a day that began with me slinging pots and pans in the kitchen, scurrying around, working hard and frantically to get it all together. Now I must say that even though I might look like a mess when I am cooking a big holiday meal, and even though my kitchen may look like a mess, I am one of my happiest times when I am preparing a meal like this. By the time we sat down to eat, I wasn't that hungry (I seldom am when I cook like that), but I looked around our table, and was so thankful for my 2 beautiful daughters and the joy that they bring me. We enjoyed our meal, and gradually, all 3 of us fell asleep in the living room...one on the loveseat, one on the couch, one in the easy chair....and all 3 dogs fell asleep as well. When I woke up, I couldn't help but laugh at the sight. We pulled down the tree from the attic and began to decorate later that evening.

Friday was the day that threw me...even though I was prepared emotionally. The girls were heading to Little Rock to see their paternal grandparents and spend the day with their Dad, who was there also. This was a good thing...one that I wanted to happen. It's just that I miss those two precious people, and I miss being a part of that. So as they got into Casie's car to travel to their grandparents, I decided to face the Black Friday crowds (something I don't necessarily enjoy) but I knew that I just needed to go do something and not stay home all day. I went to a store that I enjoy more than the girls do, I browsed, took my time, picked up a few gifts, and treated myself to a coffee and simply enjoyed the time alone. I'm learning from some wise women who have traveled this path ahead of me and who are wonderful about giving me tips on how to cope with some of the alone time.

Today, we have plans to go out shopping and enjoy a lunch together. Razorback football is on later today, and while I may have to listen to part of it on the radio (my girls aren't quite as football crazy as I am), I am happy to be spending the day with them. My house is a mess at the moment...kinda driving me crazy, kinda making me smile. Christmas boxes are everywhere...the tree was put up as I mentioned earlier...but we have the mantle, the entry way, the Snow Village and many other things to put out. The fall decorations have been taken down, and those boxes are waiting to go up into the attic. I'm ready for all the decorating to be done and boxes put away, but I'm learning more to enjoy the moment and not stress over the open box of garland and tissue wrapped ornaments taking up space on my couch. It's all getting done...and we're all doing it together. That's the most important thing.

So as I reflect halfway through this Thanksgiving weekend...I am thankful for my Savior, and how He continues to heal my wounded heart, and has brought a deep joy and peace into my life. I am thankful for my two beautiful daughters....they are beautiful inside and out. I am thankful for my extended family - those crazy, loving and supportive people....from my parents, to my grandmother, to my sister and brother and their families, to a wonderful crazy aunt....I am grateful for their presence in my life. I am thankful for the inlaws that I was blessed to be a part of their family for so long, and their influence in my life....I'm thankful that my girls will continue to be a part of that wonderful family. I am thankful for my friends....I am blessed to have some of the most loving people in my life....here in my town, a couple of hours away, some even a few states away....whether they support me in person, phone calls, blogging, emails or facebook....I am blessed to have such a wonderful network of loving people. I am thankful for the wonderful doctors that are treating my friend Vicki, as she battles cancer, and is WINNING. I am thankful for the job I have...with a boss and a team that value family and each other. I couldn't work for a greater person and with a greater group of people. I am thankful for my home....it's a tad run down, and needs many things done to it...but it's a warm and cozy home...and many memories have been made here and will continue to be made here. And I'm thankful for the trials in my life, because they have taught me to grow as a person, and they have helped me see that God is ever faithful in my life.

So....I'm going to stop writing for now (this has grown quite lengthy). I'm going to enjoy the solitude a tad bit longer, linger over a hot cup of coffee, look at my lit Christmas tree and the unpacked boxes left. I'll make a list of what needs to be done today, knowing we probably won't get to it all...but we WILL enjoy one another...we will laugh alot, probably argue a little, we will sing Christmas songs (loud and proud...maybe not so well) as we travel from store to store...we will eat a lunch together and whisper about Christmas secrets. We will come back home and finish watching the football game, and then pull out the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers. At the end of the day...I will be looking at them in my living room...and smiling at the richness of love in my life. And I will be reminded that although being single is odd for me...that I am still a blessed woman indeed.

New Every Morning

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" Lamentations 3:22-23

This morning I am reminded of God's compassions, and how they are truly new each morning.

Right now, I have various friends, I'm thinking of 3 in particular, who have some very deep struggles going on in their lives. We are people who lift each other up in love, support and prayer..so I am aware of their struggles since they share with me. I've seen God's handprints all over their lives, and I know that God is ever faithful and will get them through the current trial they are facing.

Life would be so wonderful if the trials weren't a part of it! Or would it? When I think about my own life, some of my richest moments in life have been in the midst of a trial. For me, my deepest personal growth has usually resulted from a situation I didn't want to be in. Don't get me wrong...I do NOT like trials. I'm not THAT crazy. (craziness being a topic for another discussion). I have just lived long enough to know that after the trial, and sometimes during the trial, I've had some of life's most beautiful moments.

Looking back, or looking at the present...I am able to God's handprints all over. He doesn't take a big magic wand and make my troubles disappear, but I feel His hands on me...guiding me, comforting me, holding me when I need to be held. His hands are strong and gentle at the same time, and I'm so thankful for to be able to feel those hands.

My prayers this morning for my 3 friends who are hurting, are that they will feel God's hands upon them. I'm glad they are in my life, and that they are the kind of friends who share with me as I have shared with them. I grieve for the various wounds and or storms they are facing. I wish those things weren't in their lives right now. I'm praying that they will remember that they will NOT be consumed by the battles they are facing, because God's love is greater than whatever mountain we are having to climb.

And one of the sweetest reminders of God's faithfulness came in the form of an email from a precious friend, who has walked the road of heartache and divorce many years ago. God traveled with her on her painful journey, and has healed those wounds. She is in a loving marriage now, and she has a wonderful circle of family and friends. But the road has been hard. She and I have prayed, cried, laughed and grown together. And except for a very brief time, never lived in the same town! She has been blessed to have an early Thanksgiving weekend with ALL of her grown kids and some of their friends and/or significant others in her home. She wrote me this morning to tell me of getting choked up in her Thankgiving prayer before the meal...choked up because she was so overwhelmed with the bounty of love at that table, and her heart was bursting at the seams with the joy of all being together. When you go through a painful season, you wonder at times if you will feel that kind of happiness...the kind that chokes you up and just makes you heart feel so full and warm. You may be having the joy and peace that God gives, but there are moments that you just want that emotion of happiness again. My friend has had a huge dose of that this weekend.

This morning, as I lift my hurting friends up, I was delighted that I also was able to share in another friend's happiness. What a beautiful reminder that we will not be consumed by life and the trials it brings...I'm so thankful that He is faithful and that we can have new mornings.

In All Things....

"Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." - Estonian Proverb

As this week is drawing to a close, and I am making my shopping list for Thanksgiving dinner, planning the menu, figuring out our schedule for the Thanksgiving weekend...I've been so busy that I haven't taken the time this week, until today, to really think about all that I am thankful for.

Lindsey and I are putting together our toys for Operation Christmas Child...something our family has done for most of the years that we have lived in Marion. I was hoping that we could do it next weekend, when Casie was home, so that all 3 of us could each do a box. But the deadline to turn in the boxes is this weekend, so Linds and I decided to each do one. It's a small gesture, but one we've really been blessed being a part of all these years.

I'm thankful that we are able to participate in a giving ministry such as this, and I'm thankful that my girls enjoy giving and are blessed by it. I'm thankful that although we've gone through some really tough times, that we are still blessed beyond measure.

Today I'm also thankful for the wonderful boss that I am blessed to work for. Yesterday was Vicki's second chemo treatment for her breast cancer, and I was picking her up and driving her to the office for about 45 minutes to handle a few things, then I was driving her down the street to the cancer treatment center she goes to. Our boss emailed me at home the night before and told me to stay with her that morning until her husband, a teacher, was able to join her a few hours later. He, along with our entire law firm, have all linked arms to support her and help her in this battle. Vicki and I are not only co-workers, we are dear friends. Any small thing I can do for her during this time, is a blessing to me. She has been my rock for the last couple of years, and I'm grateful that I am able to do anything that might make life a little easier right now. So I was simply honored to be the driver yesterday morning...and then when I got the email telling me to stay with her, I was grateful to work for someone so caring and compassionate. He is this way with all of his employees....and each and every one of us are honored to be a part of his team. I was able to be with Vicki until about 10:45 that morning, when Barry was able to get there.

I'm still adjusting to life as a single mom...sometimes I wonder if I'll ever adjust. But in spite of the struggles and hardships, I'm thankful we have a home, and that our home is a loving one. I'm thankful for both shared laughter and tears with my girls. I'm thankful that I am able to go to the grocery store and pick up the items on my menu. I'm thankful for God's grace that has been poured over our lives.

I've shared with my girls that being thankful in all things is so very important....and 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is one of my favorite scriptures:

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

I don't have to necessarily be thankful FOR my circumstances, but be thankful IN them. Being thankful in all things, noticing and recognizing God's blessings, no matter how small, somehow opens my eyes to the bigger picture, and I am able to see God's handprint all over my life.

Taking Charge

Have you ever had something that seemed to be getting the best of you instead of you getting the best of it?

Last year, during our first holiday season of separation for my family....we weren't quite sure how to handle it all. We weren't divorced, but the divorce was filed. The separation had gone on for a few months, and I felt that we were all managing quite well, given that it was new territory and NONE of us knew how we were going to feel, think, react or act on any given day.

My ex-husband and I were getting along quite well on the awkward times we were together for a family event. We both were focused on easing the girls through this transition....and even when you each carry wounds, if you focus on someone else, your forget your hurts and have a commonality. For us, it's our two beautiful daughters.

I did very well through Thanksgiving. Phew! Big sigh of relief! I cooked, decorated and even had a wonderful time with my daughters! Different, but wonderful all the same. I was going to conquer this Holiday Season Mountain. And then....I was knocked flat on my rear about a week later when I tried to send out Christmas cards. My hands were shaking when I was only writing THREE names on the card, instead of four. By the 5th card, I was so shaky and sobbing so hard that I remember throwing them all in the trash and thinking "No one gets cards this year. I can't handle this."

A very wise friend of mine, who has walked this road before me, told me that it would be the "small" things that would knock me down everytime. We often prepare for the bigger things....time spent in prayer for strength, reflection over good memories. These are things I do in preparation for the times when I know we'll be sitting together at something like a band concert, ballgame, or hosting a birthday party for the girls. I prepare for shared time, and I find myself capable of getting through. But signing Christmas cards???? THAT was going to be the thing that threw me off track? It even got worse when I was wrapping presents alone (we used to do that together) and I was signing 3 names on the gift tag. Only I knew I couldn't throw away gifts...(thankfully for the recipients). So I plowed through. I'm sure most of my gift tags had smudges from fallen tears, but no one said a word.

So this weekend, I bought my Christmas cards. And I sat down with my list, a glass of wine, good music, an ever faithful dog snuggled at my feet, and took a deep breath and prayed "Okay Lord, let's do this!" I took charge of that demon from last year, and I slayed two dragons at once. The dragon of knowing that small thing undid me last year, and I wasn't going to let it again. And the dragon of being a procrastinator and not getting cards out until the last minute. My cards are ready to be mailed, and that has NEVER happened in November. I will allow Thanksgiving to come and go before they are mailed. But it felt good to know that I had taken charge, and not one tear was shed in the process.

My dear friend, Vicki, took charge in a very different way this weekend. She is one of my heroes (I have alot in life). She is facing her battle with breast cancer in such a way that strength, courage and grace are being redefined. Her hair began falling out this week...about 3 weeks out of her first chemo. She is scheduled for her second chemo this coming Thursday. Although most of the world could not notice the hair loss, it was coming out quickly and in large amounts. We would be at the office, and she would show me the hair in her hands. By Friday morning, she was having to clean the sink out more than once as she was using the curling iron before work. She decided to take charge and have her hair shaved off that night. She knew that if she just let it fall out on its own, and if she watched that happen, that it was going to get the best of her, and drive her quite crazy being the neatfreak that she is. So she called another dear friend who came over and shaved her head Friday night. She put on her cute wig that she had already picked out after surgery, and she set out yesterday with her husband to do some Christmas shopping. She said she felt strange, that people were looking at her, but I think that was from knowing she was bald underneath. She looks great and natural in her new 'do. I really admire the way she did it.

Taking charge can really be a good thing. Whether it's something small, like a Christmas card, or something huge like shaving your head....sometimes we need to recognize when our fears, worries, stresses are getting the better of us. All we usually need to take charge is a deep breath and the prayer of "Okay Lord....let's do this!"

Nurturing Friends

The last few days I've thought about the friendships in my life, and how precious they are to me. Relationships with others should be nurtured - taken care of - tended to by us. We need to take the time to "feed" them.....with time, good communication (both talking with AND listening to), and encouragement.

So many of my friends have walked with me not only during the good and joyful times in life, but during the tough and dark times as well. A true friend won't flinch in a crisis...well, at least if they flinch, they still walk you through it!

My girls have made extremely wise choices in their friends, even at an early age. And they have nurtured their friendships with these people as well. As a result, they have some treasured people in their lives.

Just this past weekend, my youngest daughter, Lindsey, was surprised by one of her best friends who had to move to another state this summer, coming for a surprise visit. The screams and jumping of two 13 year olds was priceless. I took them out to dinner, and although I couldn't get a word in edge-wise, I had a great time marveling at the ease and speed with which they picked right up where they had left off. The next day, I made a 2.5 hour trip to the town where my oldest daughter, Casie, lives and goes to school. We had tickets to see Wicked with two dear friends...a mother/daughter friendship from years ago when we lived in the same town together. These girls have kept in touch since we left that town in 5th grade...and they are both graduating college. Sara, the mom, and I have kept in touch also. The four of us managed to pick right back up where we left off.

Friendships are special gems in our lives. We are created to interact with others...and there is a void in our lives when we don't do so.

I'm so grateful for the friends I have...be they old ones, new ones, ones here in my hometown, or ones far away. Whether I am able to chat over a cup of coffee or tea, or am only able to correspond and talk with over the phone...I'm thankful for each and every one of you.

Focus

I'm a book lover, and often have my nose in more than one book at a time. You will find not only books in my bookcases, but on my nightstand, my tables in the living room, even my desk drawer at the office.

I have two book in my office right now - one on encouragment and team building, and one on confidence. They are both the types of books that you might go to more than once, as I have with both of these.

Today, as I was re-reading a portion of one of these books, I came across a section titled "You Believe What you Focus On". That got me to realizing that for me, focus is something I need to re-evaluate more frequently than I do. It's very easy to fall into the trap of focusing on the wrong things. Sometimes, I'm not even aware of where my focus has shifted unless I really take the time to just be still and do a little self-examination.

With Thanksgiving and Christmas just around the corner, I want to make sure that my focus is where it needs to be. So, I'm turning the lens of honesty towards my own soul and mind today, and I'm zooming in. I'm going to figure out where my focus REALLY is, and if I need to adjust, I'm hoping I'm honest enough to do just that.