Saturday morning...and the sun is about to rise. I've opened the window here in the den where I can see the beautiful early morning sky. I usually feel peaceful this time of day....but peace is eluding me this morning.
I have a problem with focus....I tend to get distracted, I procrastinate, and I end up unorganized. I have the sort of personality where I sometimes will sit and think for what seems like FOREVER on a situation, or the tasks before me, instead of just acting. You can think yourself into a funk, that's for sure. I've done it many times.
I've been in a funk the last few days. I've been worrying about things that I'm not sure I need to worry about. Let me take that back, I KNOW I shouldn't worry about them. I should give them over to God. I should do what I know is best...lay those thoughts and feelings and worries at His feet and let Him guide me. Why do we (I) struggle with doing what I know is right?
So, as I sit here this morning, I have alone time. Which I love. As much as I adore my family, and I do...(I mean, what's not to adore???) I am a better person when I wake up before everyone else and spend time alone with God. I don't always do it, but when I do, I seem to have much better focus on the day before me. Anyway...here I sit. Linds has spent the night with a friend so she is over there, Andy is still at the fire department (soon to come) and Casie is in bed, naturally. (Casie and sunrises have never really met). Instead of enjoying the sunrise as I normally do, I'm sitting and stewing over what needs to be done. I'm worrying over relationships and situations. I'm browbeating myself for not being more organized. In other words, I'm sabotaging my own morning. WHY?
I opened up a devotional book that I just love. It's written by Kristin Armstrong, it's and it's titled Strength for the Climb. It's a book that has helped me alot this year. I turned to this morning's devotion, and it hit the nail on the head for me. She talks about "No Substitutes", and the message is that God's peace is most evident when everything is falling down around us. How true that is! I've had a year where everything has fallen down around me. The rug yanked out from underneath me. And the more chaotic and messed up my life got, the more focused I became. She says that God's peace in a time of chaos can give us more clarity than in normal times. This has been the case in my own life more than once. The more unsteady my life gets during these times, the more I realize how steady God is. Kristin also talks about how this is not something we can manage, manipulate, force or steal. We can't will it or think it into being. It's not something WE do in other words. It is what it is. It's God. All I have to do is recognize it. The verse she uses for today is one of my faves..."The peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7
I need to take my coffee, go outside and just recognize God. I need to allow His peace to fall on me. I know it is there. I've felt it. I've lived in it. When I fail to recognize it, that is when my insecurities and my weaknesses take over. I've had a week of failing to recognize God's peace. And all it has brought to me is a paralysis of sorts. When I worry, I tend to become paralyzed. I become paralyzed emotionally because fear takes over. I become paralyzed in a practical sense, because as an unorganized person and a lifelong procrastinator, I don't focus on the tasks at hand. I let them overwhelm me. I've had that sort of week also.
So I'm going to take a moment, take a deep breath and simply acknowledge. I'll acknowledge God for who He is. I'll let Him wrap me in His arms, and know that His peace will come on me. I'll have a better day than what I thought I was going to have, because I will let go of my own control. (which ironically leads me down a path of NO control).
Here I am Lord....
