Well, April has come and gone and I didn't write one word on my blog. There isn't one particular reason as to my absence...there are actually a few reasons.
Every now and then, I wonder if my blog is a tad self-indulgent. I started writing as both a creative release and a form of emotional therapy. Since I write for myself, every now and then I worry that I might be boring anyone who reads. I eventually get over it, and realize that yes, it may be self-indulgent, but it is good for me. Good for my soul and good for clearing out the cobwebs in my head.
Although I haven't written, alot has gone on, and I've been caught up in the normal routine and chaos of life...and in all honesty, sometimes I am just too tired at the end of a day to reflect much. April was a busy month....I had a wonderful birthday celebration, a family reunion, and the celebration of Easter. I've been able to spend some wonderful time with family (even if too short). We've had some scary weather here this month, and now everyone in my area is worried about the rising levels of the Mississippi. Many towns and highways are flooded in our state and surrounding states. Not a day goes by without the conversation being dominated by talk of the rising waters of the Mississippi, other local rivers and the levee that protects our town.
I've found myself struggling with both worry and weariness the past few weeks. While I am redefining and rediscovering myself at this stage in life as I adapt to being a single mom and a single woman, I also find that I am just sometimes worn out. Physically, emotionally and mentally...I have just been tired. I miss not having another person to share worries with, to help ease the load, to bounce ideas, thoughts and feelings of off. I don't mean to whine...it's just where I am at on some days.
However, God seems to give me a second wind just when I really need it. Our stormy weather has turned to sunshine the last couple of days, and we are forecasted to have a few more days like this. My daughters, always so thoughtful and so giving of themselves, made me feel like a million bucks on my birthday. Then on Easter morning, right next to their Easter baskets, was a beautiful and thoughtful basket made for me. We have had some wonderful mother/daughter time this past month which has been rich with love, warmth and laughter. We cherish one another...and THAT is what puts a song in my heart and energy back in my steps when I am feeling worn down. My wonderful Circle of Friends, the amazing small group of women I am blessed to be friends and Bible study partners with, are meeting tomorrow for dinner and study, and that always perks me up.
Sitting in my email inbox this morning were these words...."When it looks like you're at a dead-end...keep on gong. It just might be a hallway with a corner." What a wonderful pearl of wisdom for my soul this morning. My worries often leave me feeling like I am at a dead-end. When I can't see the next step in front of me right away, I struggle with feelings of defeat. I need to be reminded sometimes (often) that God always has a plan, and His ways are not my ways, and His timing is always perfect...even when I wish it were sooner (or immediate). This verse was also in my inbox next to my little nugget of wisdom:
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived what God
has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9
I'm not sure what God has planned for me next, but I know it's going to be good!
