New Growth

I'm trying something new this spring that I've never really tried before....I'm starting plants from seeds I have purchased and I've planted them in peat pots and have them on trays on the kitchen table for now.  I've sowed seeds directly into the ground before, and have had very mixed results.

But as far as planting a large number and variety of seeds this way, hoping to transplant them into larger pots, and then into the ground is something new to me.  I'm in the mood to try new things this year.  Plus, I'm on a much tighter budget these days, and seeds are alot less expensive than actual plants purchased at a nursery.  Of course, I know I'll end up purchasing a few established plants at my local nursery, because I'm too impatient to wait for results...I like bringing home a pretty plant, popping it into the ground or a container and enjoying that instant gratification of beauty in the yard.  But I'm limiting my plant purchases this year, and going to see how I do with the Great Seed Growing/Patience Growing/Budget Friendly Experiment of 2011.

I planted a large tray of seeds exactly 6 days ago.  I have one variety that is already grown about 3 inches and is just taking off.  I have another variety that are up about an inch and straining towards the sunlight coming through the window.  Two other varieties are still hiding in the soil, not peeking through yet.  I have to say that I enjoy looking at the tray each day to see if I can spot more green poking through the soil and I get tickled when a tiny little plant makes it way through.

In some ways, I feel like these little seedlings, even though I'm (cough) 47.  At times, I'm extremely aware of my middle age....I wake up with a little more stiffness these days; even with bifocals, I find myself holding something I am trying to read closer to my face, pulling away from my face, pulling closer again...over and over until I find "that spot" where the words are clear; I think about things like cholesterol and digestion; and comfort is more important than cuteness in shoes now.  At other times, I turn on my classic rock station and sing along at the top of my lungs and feel 18 again, or I realize I know most of the words to the music my girls like and I realize that I'm thankfully not "out of touch" at 47.  I definitely wish I had the energy I did when I was 18.  I enjoy hanging out with my daughters and their friends, mainly because I love them all, but also, they help keep me energized.  But as I mentioned earlier, I feel like a little seedling right now in some ways.

I'm experiencing new growth at this stage in my life...definitely not a bad thing, but growth in a way I didn't expect.  I'm learning how to be single after spending most of my life married.  I'm learning how to let go of my need for control and let God take control  Yeah...that one is pretty hard. I'm learning that the sun always comes out eventually, that healing always comes, and that although we shouldn't sweat the small stuff, it's often the small things that bring us the most happiness.  I'm learning that being rich in life has nothing to do with money.  I'm learning although I have many flaws, weaknesses , that although I have had failures and will most likely have more, that God is ever faithful and never falters in His grace and love.  I'm learning that family and friends are what makes life worthwhile and beautiful.  I'm learning that everything I'm learning makes me feel more alive each day.  My seedlings need soil to establish their roots, they need nourishment and they need the sun.  Each day, the frail little stems and new leaves reach towards the light that streams in through my kitchen window.  They are still tender and delicate, and not strong enough to be transplanted just yet.

And just like my seedlings, I find myself needing fertile soil for my roots to grow.  I need and cherish my time alone with God...my times of prayer, digging into His word, and times of reflection.  My roots are getting stronger everyday.  The more time I spend with Him, the more nourishment I get.  I find myself straining towards the Light, especially after having spent a rather lengthy time feeling like I was in the darkness.  Although I did have some very dark days, I realize now that some of that time when I was in the dark, was actually a time of being planted like a seed.  God was sowing me in His soil, I was being tended to by His mercy and grace,  and covered with by His Healing Hands.  Now, after alot of the Father's TLC, I am breaking through and able to grow above ground.  I'm still very tender, fragile in some ways.  But stronger than I was a year ago.  I'm not quite ready to be transplanted just yet, but I hope that by continuing to allow myself to be nurtured by the Father, that I will flourish in my new growth, and will be strong enough to allow myself to be transplanted into this new phase of life, with growth that others can see.  I hope that wherever God plants me, that I will be able to grow and blossom and be a testament to God's amazing love, grace, mercy and healing.

More Than a Song

I had a wonderful Saturday hanging out with my oldest daughter, Casie.  We went to Wye Mountain, where a small country church has planted thousands and thousands of daffodils on their hillside.  It's open to the public to walk around and take pictures.  It was a gorgeous sunny spring day, and we enjoyed both the drive and the outdoors.  We had time for wonderful mom/daughter talks...topics ranging from serious to funny to the frivolous (the cute fashions this spring).  I kept hoping the radio would play a song I had been telling her about, but KLOVE must  have played it each time we were out of the car, because we never heard it on the drive.



Is there a song that really grabs you?  Music does that for me alot, and I like several different genres. If you listened to my cds, iPod playlist, or followed my XM activity - you would think I have multiple personalities when it comes to music.  I can go from Michael Buble to Aerosmith to Allison Krause to Casting Crowns to Rod Stewart to Sugarland without batting an eye.  And don't forget Motown or the Broadway showtunes!  So many times, a song is more than "just" a song to us. It touches us so deeply, we listen or sing along to it as if it were intended for us - to tell our story, or to tell how we feel.   One that has really touched me the last couple of weeks is a Christian song. If you haven't heard the song "Blessings" by Laura Story, you need to listen to it on her website, KLOVE, or youtube.  This song has touched me in such a personal and intense way, as I'm sure it has many.  It's just that kind of song....grabs you by the heart.



The lyrics are so powerful and true...especially the chorus:

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

These lyrics move me...it's that simple.  I've had more tears and sleepless nights than I can count...but I've also had more blessings and mercies than I can count as well.  We all go through times and events in life that devastate us...and we may wonder if the pain or the trial will ever go away.  One wonderful thing I have experienced over and over is that yes, the pains in life run deep....BUT God's blessings, healing, nearness and mercies run even deeper still. 

I'm in awe of God's provision for us. 

Making All Things New

We're getting into the middle of March, and spring is officially right around the corner.  My yard is currently a combination of dead winter grass, mud from the rains, bare limbed trees begging to be pruned...but also there is new green grass peeking through, buds on the bare trees, and the early-bird specials are blooming.  I have daffodils, hyacinth and forsythia greeting me in the midst of my neglected winter yard.

I'm ready for more sunshine and warmer weather.  I'm ready to put on the gloves and start cleaning out the stuff that needs to be cleaned out.  I'm ready for the plants that are peeking up out of the ground to have room to burst forth and grow.

Spring is a wonderful time...the earth starts to bounce back from the dead of winter and is full of life again.  My dear friend Vicki and I have been listening to the birds chattering and singing outside our office windows and door this week.  Even though I haven't made the time yet to put cleanup effort into my yard, the signs of new life can't be stopped. 

A favorite passage of mine is "See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come." Song of Solomon 2: 11-12.  I often wondered if this verse would still have meaning for me, at one time in my life, 25 years ago, it was a special verse, shared between my ex-husband and me.  It had very personal meaning for the two of us, and many things that were personal and meaningful to us as a couple, I have found too painful to embrace in my singleness.

But the amazing thing I am reminded of is that the Scriptures are holy.  They are God's words.  Not mine, not my former husband's.  This passage is still one of my favorites, but my reasons have changed.  God's words and promises have not. 

I wondered if my season of winter would ever end.  And I am speaking of the winter in my heart, and in my soul.  God has done some amazing winter cleanup throughout my entire life, but over the last 3 years, there has been more clean up than ever.  I am coming up out of the mud, struggling to bloom..but with God's healing, I shall.  A part of me has felt "dead" for a long time.  Sometimes we feel dead to avoid pain, or sometimes the deadness is a numbing that happens as a result of too much pain.  Whatever it was for me, (and I'm sure it was both at different times)...the deadness is changing and being replaced with new life.  I know I'm not completely over the grief of a broken family after 23 years, but I feel the restoration.  I see signs of spring in my soul.  God has been replacing old thoughts with new ones, old emotions with new and healed emotions, a dead heart with a heart full of life, a broken soul with a soul that wants to continually seek Him. 

I am reading a book called Desire: The Journey We Must Take to Find the Life God Offers by John Eldredge. There is a chapter entitled "The Great Restoration" in which the author talks about spring returning to our souls.  I love the poem he quotes:

                 Grief melts away
                 Like snow in May
                 As if there were no such cold thing.
                 Who would've thought my shrivel'd heart
                 Could have recover'd greennesse?  It was gone
                  quite underground.

                 And now in age I bud again,
                 After so many deaths I live and write;
                 I once more smell the dew and rain,
                 And relish versing: O my only light
                 It cannot be
                 that I am he
                 On whom they tempests fell all night.

                                                  ('The Flower' George Herbert)


Eldredge questions the reader "Can it really happen?  Can our lives be green again?"  He also goes on to point out that we have practically accepted the winter of our life for what is is, striving to find life wherever we can.  That is very true of me in my divorce recovery.  I have intentionally recognized that I have to accept this season in my life, embrace it, honor it, grieve it, but still move forward looking for life where I can.  However, in my intentional journey of healing, one thing I overlooked is that spring always comes.  Oh, I know this in the back of my mind.  I know this in my heart.  I know that God is always at work.  But I still am surprised when I see the first daffodil poking through the muddy wintry ground.  I still love driving home each day and finding something new and colorful that has emerged.  And I love waking up in the mornings and finding that I am joyful and smiling and healing more than I am hurting now; and peaceful in the knowledge that when I do hurt (and yes, life will always have hurts for us all) that God is already there...comforting, soothing, healing and restoring.