Last night was my first night in my DivorceCare Recovery Group since my divorce was final last week. For anyone not familiar with divorce recovery groups, it might sound like I was getting the "cart before the horse" by beginning the group before I was divorced, but within this group are a roomful of people who are at various stages in the separation/divorce process. Some walk in just hours after a spouse has left, some have been alone for months or years, some are separated hoping to reconcile, some are separated just flat out confused and emotionally paralyzed, some are separated waiting on the lengthy and tedious divorce process to end. Some are in contentious divorces, some are in peaceful divorces. Some stories are worse than mine, some stories are not as bad. The one thread of commonality in this diverse group are that we are all in pain...whether we instigated the divorce or not.
Each evening of this group has been enlightening for me. Not enjoyable, by any means, but I am learning, and I am benefiting from it. It is a RECOVERY group after all, which means you are in pain if you are in there. It is stretching me as a woman, as a Christian, as a healing individual. It is making me healthier. We go through alot of kleenex in that room, and that's the men as much as the women. We cry alot, we listen alot, we share alot, and we laugh alot.
Last night I was so encouraged however, when we started the meeting off in our usual way....by saying ONE gratitude we have that week. Some of these gratitudes are as basic as "I got dressed today", "I got 2 hours of sleep last night", "I didn't drink myself to sleep last night." Some are desperate "I am thankful for the food stamp approval", "I am thankful my house is not in foreclosure", "I am thankful I have a place to sleep". As people heal a little, the gratitudes change as well to things like "I am thankful for my children", "I am thankful for my friends", "I am thankful I have a job". I mean...we are talking RAW emotions here. The gratitudes usually reflect the level of pain and/or healing that has been felt that week.
Let me get back to my point...I was encouraged last night because I was able to say "After 3 long and painful years of separation, reconciliation, separation again, I am grateful that I am divorced and that I am at peace finally." The responses I received were things like "I never seen you smile like that", "Your whole demeanor has changed", "You look years younger", "I see a joy in you".
It reminded me of one of my all-time favorite Anne Lamotte quotes - "Joy is the best makeup."
Am I joyful that I am divorced? NO.
I AM joyful that I am healing. I AM joyful that I am at peace finally. I AM joyful that I am now feeling hope again. I AM joyful that I am loved by family and friends. I AM joyful that they didn't tire of me on my darkest days! I AM joyful that I see blue in a sky that has been black for a long time.
My joy has given me an unexpected makeover.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not throwing out the drawerful of Clinique, Maybelline, L'Oreal or Origins. I am middle aged after all, and even with my new joy and peace, I know I still need coverup, mascara and the lipstick.
