“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” - Dr. Seuss.
The above quote is my status today on Facebook. Yep, I'm 47 years old, about to be single, mother to two amazing daughters, loved by family and friends, happy in my job and there are days where I feel as if I'm just now getting to know myself.
Walking through a storm in life, and surviving, will cause deep reflection. I have resisted the break up of my family with every ounce of strength I have. I have prayed for healing and reconciliation. The healing has come, the reconciliation was not meant to be. Although I am deeply saddened by this unwanted change in my life, I am learning to find out who I am. I am God's creation, and I know He has plans for me that are yet to be discovered.
I'm learning to be alone, and not feel lonely. I am learning to treasure every ounce of life in a day, and never take for granted those that I love. I am learning that "life is messy" (to borrow the phrase from a friend of mine), but life is still worth living and it is still a gift. I am so far from perfect it is scarey. I have made so many mistakes that I would take back if I could. But they are out there, and they are a part of me....who I am now. And hopefully, who I am now is better than who I was, and again, hopefully, what I am becoming is a better version of who I am now.
I'm also learning to love myself...as God would have me to. I'm learning that being true to myself and simply being "me" is a very good thing. In the past I allowed relationships, circumstances, mistakes and events beat me down, and keep me down. That was my own fault. So, I'm owning up to the fact that no one can make me feel bad about myself without my permission...so no excuses from now on, and no more shifting of the blame.
I am me....and I am uniquely made. I am flawed, but none of us isn't. I've lived long enough to fail and to succeed. I have ached with pain and I have danced with joy. I have cried an ocean and I have doubled over with laughter. I have been surrounded by friends and I have been alone. I have felt the sting of rejection and the grace of acceptance. I have been ignored and I have been embraced. I have loved and been loved. I hope to love again.
