Walking Through The Desert

Have you ever felt as if you were walking through the desert? Tired, hot, thirsty, hungry...wanting an oasis of help and relief, but finding none? Wondering how long it was going to be until you found refuge?

Kristin Armstrong wrote that her time in the desert was so recent that she still had sand in her shoes. I couldn't help but laugh aloud when I read that - what a great way to describe how I feel right now.

I have recently walked through a desert in my life. I, too, feel like the sand is still in my shoes. She (Kristin) said that in the desert lessons are often more profound than when in the beauty of the garden. I don't know if that's always true or not - but I can certainly say that it is often the case where I am concerned. When I am walking through the desert, I fervently seek the refuge of the Lord. I am so thirsty for Him that am continually looking for the living springs of His knowledge, mercy and grace.

I'm glad that I don't have to stay in the desert forever. I'm glad that God brings me to points in my life that are more serene and restful. But I know that walking through the desert is necessary - life is going to be hard and difficult at times. There are times when everything around me seems barren and dry. That is the time when I need to fervently seek the Father and He will rescue me.

"Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert....to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart." Deut. 8:2

I hope that I always remember that God is with me....whether in the desert of the garden. And I hope that trust and faith in Him is what is always in my heart.

Pure Companionship

Isn't it wonderful to have a constant companion? One who just likes to hang out with you because of who you are? (of course bacon flavored treats help). Cocoa is often my shadow when I'm home alone, but when others are at home, he will roam from person to person spending time with each of us, almost as if he is trying to give of his love and time equally. He's quite a dog!

Morning Ritual

I enjoy waking up early in the morning to enjoy the quiet. I grumble getting out of bed (I've never learned the art of "bounding" out of bed in the mornings). My enthusiasm for morning is hidden for a few moments until the coffee kicks in, but once it does, I'm enjoying my favorite time of the day.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been struggling in my morning time...distractions have kept me from focusing on God, which was what I need every morning. It keeps me centered. So my "center" has been out of whack.

I decided this morning that I would lay the groundwork for good quality time with the Lord...I prepared my coffee, I went and sat at the kitchen table, I even lit a mulled cider candle because candles relax me. I got out my Bible, books and journal. I even found some beautiful hammered dulcimer music on Rhapsody, and had the soothing sounds playing softly in the background. My lab was laying at my feet (usual behavior for Cocoa) and even Flash, our jack russell puppy, seemed to know to be still. Go figure. He laid on a little red pillow and left me alone.

It was exactly what I needed to start off my day. Nothing big was revealed to me this morning. I haven't walked away feeling more spiritual than when I began. But I am calm and rested, and looking forward to a new day.

The best part of the morning so far?? Looking at the sunrise from my front porch and and being amazed at God's faithfulness to me.

Chill

Merriam Webster dictionary gives two definitions of the word "chill" - 1) a sensation of cold accompanied by shivering 2) a check to enthusiasm or warmth of feeling.

We've had a cold front come through the last few days...and I just love it. There is a chill in the October air that tells me that we're deeper into fall now. In the south, sometimes our warm (hot) air lingers much longer than I would like for it to. So I always welcome the chill of the mornings and evenings about this time of year. I love to snuggle in blankets, sweatshirts and jackets. I get excited when the weather calls for comfort foods like pumpkin bread, apple cake, chili or stew. I like to hold a hot mug of coffee or tea and relax with a book or magazine. When the world "chill" is used to describe a coolness in the weather, it has a positive connotation for me.

But when the word "chill" is used to describe a coolness in a relationship, it has negative meaning. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about - we've all felt it. Something happens in a relationship that causes us to feel distant or uncomfortable. Maybe we know what caused it, maybe we have no clue. But you can "feel" the chill between you and the other person, and it is one of the most unsettling feelings I know. Just today, I asked God to show me areas in which maybe I am responsible for bringing a cooling of relationships with others. I have felt a chill between me and someone else, and my feelings have been wounded. But the Lord has gently turned my line of thinking inward instead of outward. Rather than lick my own wounds, He is showing me that there is room for improvement on my end. Maybe I am the one who needs to work on bringing back the warmth. So while I am enjoying the recent chill in the air outside, I certainly don't want a chill in the air of my relationships.

I'm realizing that maybe I need to wrap a blanket of love and encouragement around the people in my life.

Thankful and Sad

I write this morning with a thankful yet sad heart. Our oldest daughter, Casie, is in her junior year at UCA and there was a school shooting last night on campus. Two young lives were taken. She is safe - she was home in her apartment when the shooting occurred. I am so thankful that my child was nowhere near the incident. I am thankful she is safe. I am thankful that I still have her to hug and hold. My heart is saddened however, for the lives lost. I am sad for their families. I am sad for the rest of the student body who are grappling with this news.

I spoke with Casie quite a bit last night by phone. There was alot of frustration over lack of news coming out, there was alot of worry over who had been injured, concern over the suspects on the loose. The campus was on lockdown, and one of her friends was texting from the library, unable to leave. It is a scary thing when your world is turned topsy turvy that way.

I had every intention of blogging about the wonderful weekend we had here, but my mind can't get past the shooting at the present. It happened around 9:30 last night, and at the present, it is consuming my thoughts as well as the thoughts of many others.

Casie was extremely touched last night by all the phone calls, texts, and facebook messages she was getting from friends all over who were checking on her. I was touched as well. I don't know if she and her roommate slept last night or not, but I do know that it wouldn't be well received if I called her this early in the morning. As a mom, I just want to talk to her again. I actually want to get in the car and make the drive and just be with her.

I am going to go get my morning cup of coffee and spend some time with the Lord. I am going to thank Him for keeping my child safe. I am going to thank Him that more students were not shot. I am going to ask Him to comfort the families of the victims and all who have been effected by senseless act of violence. I am going to ask that the person(s) responsible for this act are caught soon so that the lockdown will be lifted. I don't know how long it will take for Casie and the others to feel safe again.

Please keep them in your prayers.

Unsinkable

I wish I had the opportunity for a costume for myself this Halloween. I think I'd like to go as the "Unsinkable Molly Brown". She survived the disaster of the Titanic, and was stuck with that nickname. From what I have read, she was quite a feisty gal.

I've had the kind of year where God has carried me through, and shown me that WITH Him, I am unsinkable.

I have made choices and decisions in my life which have led to consequences that haven't been so great. I've carried around alot of baggage as a result. Baggage that would normally sink a person. And I was sinking. I would tread water and stay afloat for awhile, but eventually I would tire and begin to sink. The baggage grew heavier and heavier.

There have been many times in my adult life that God has tried to show me that the baggage can be thrown overboard. And I would do that...only to jump back in the water, retrieve it, and struggle some more.

This year, I realized that I'm tired of being weighed down. I'm ready to throw it all away. It's hard....in some strange ironic sense, there's comfort in holding onto my baggage. It's a little frightening to release it. But with EVERY piece of baggage I throw overboard (and allow to be swept away, and not try to jump in to retrieve it) there is an INCREDIBLE freedom.

I'm realizing that I'm unsinkable. At long as I'm letting God keep me afloat. And as long as I allow Him to throw the baggage overboard. It's hard to release my grip....my fingers clench tightly to some of the stuff I carry.

Quoting Anne Lamotte again: "Sometimes grace works like waterwings when you feel you are sinking." I want to be aware of and embrace God's grace. I want His grace to be my waterwings.

I want to be unsinkable. So I'm going to continue letting go.

Another Rainy Day

We had another rainy day here...which again means no time in the hammock. (sigh)

It's the kind of day where I would have preferred to lounge around in comfy pj's all day, with a blanket and a good book, wonderful aromas coming from the kitchen, a classic old black and white movie on tv, a nap and then time for reflecting.

It hasn't quite happened that way. Work was extremely busy, parent teacher conferences were tonight, as well as a quick trip to the grocery store. By the time I made it home, I was feeling frazzled and tired.

However, I have done some reflecting the last couple of days on something I read. I was reading "A Beautiful Offering" by Angela Thomas. The particular chapter was "Being Yourself". One paragraph really struck a chord with me. She was speaking to the fact that we all have insecurities, and often we think that God must be crazy for calling us or asking us to do some of the things He lays before us. She writes "I imagine He listens to my protests and says, I hear whining like this all the time. Why does everyone question My sovereignty? I am the Creator here, and I'm not surprised by the talent pool. I have always known it's just you, and I choose to use you anyway."

Wow. I am a person plagued with insecurities. To some people, I hide them well. I believe many others can see right through me. I have realized over the last year that I sabotage myself alot, and I sell myself short as well. For the past year, I have been working on accepting myself but also making healthy changes where needed. I haven't quite learned how to juggle the self-acceptance with the self-improvement. I don't always know what needs to be worked on. And I often feel hopeless. So when I read this paragraph...I realized that God knows me. The real me. There's no hiding or pretending with Him. And yet, He still chooses me. Flaws and all. In spite of my failures. Willing to take on my insecurities. Not minding that I am broken and trying to mend. When the world shuns me, He embraces me.

My human nature finds this hard to accept. Along with the changes and acceptance I have been working on this year, I have felt God not only healing me, but changing things in my life. I feel some doors being closed and others opened. I am beginning to think about the possibilities of God preparing me to possibly lead out in other areas than what I am used to. Getting me out of my comfort zone...which oftens leads to complacency. And as God has been laying new possibilities before me, I have been arguing with Him. Telling Him that I wouldn't be good at this or that, that I'm not organized or disciplined enough, that I need more time to heal, and so on and so on.

Maybe I just need to accept God's sovereignty, as Angela says. Maybe I just need to realize that He wants to work through me. Maybe I need to trust, and not just say that I do. Maybe I need to be more willing to follow where He leads.

He knows my strengths and my weaknesses, my failures and successes. It's not like I need to give Him my resume. I just have to be willing to give of myself. Humbly come before Him and say "Here I am".

God isn't surprised by us....so why are we surprised by Him?

Extreme Makeover

"Joy is the best makeup" - Anne Lamotte

I get an e-newsletter from a website each day that has a daily quote, and this was one of the quotes this week.

As a middle aged woman who is frantically trying to hold back the aging process the best that she can, I found this quote from Anne Lamotte so refreshing.

If you looked in my bathroom drawer right now, you would find a wicker basket filled with items such as "Age Defying Daily Renewal Cleanser", "Dead Sea Anti-Stress Face Tonic", "Youthtopia Skin Firming Cream", "Radiance Boost Eye Cream", "Intensive Restoration Treatment", and that's not even to the cosmetics! Those are just skincare products.

If you look further in the drawer for cosmetics, you will find all shades of eye shadow, lipstick, blush, foundation, concealers, eye liners, mascaras, and so forth.

It's actually quite funny when I look at my collection and realize that while these products might make me look somewhat better (well, alot better actually) and make me feel "spiffier".....that they really aren't changing the aging process. My birthday still rolls around every year.

I've decided that Anne is onto something. Have you noticed the faces of people who are full of joy? Their joy is contagious. People smile at me....I smile back. A joyful person has a countenance about them that is radiant. Try hanging out with a joyful person.....I don't care if you are normally Oscar the Grouch, you are going to start feeling some joy. You won't be able to stop yourself.

One thing that I have learned in life is that joy is not happiness necessarily. Some of my most joyful times have been in times of sadness, turmoil, chaos, and the like. How is that possible? Because joy is more than simply an emotion. Joy goes deeper for me. Joy comes from a deeper place than myself.

Joy is found through God. And when I am going through troubled times, and I feel the Heavenly Father picking me up, dusting me off, and helping me back on my way....I have joy. I have cried tears of anguish, felt God's arms wrap around me, and have had joy in the middle of tears. It's hard to explain if you've never experienced it. But it is real, my friends.

Look at the people around you....I bet you will be able to tell who has joy and who does not. There is a peace that comes with joy. A peace that surpasses all understanding.

I want that makeover. I want joy to be part of my daily countenance. I want to be so closely anchored to the Lord that no matter what emotions and/or circumstances I might be going through, joy is something that never leaves.

So while I'm not advocating leaving off the makeup...heaven knows that I will have mine on tomorrow, I am saying that I want my face to reflect the joy that is in my heart. I believe that I will not only look younger, but will feel younger, will have a "spring in my step" and a "sparkle in my eye". I hope that when people see my mouth, they don't necessarily notice the shade of my lipstick (not that I don't love lipstick...'cause in all honesty, I do) but I hope my mouth reflects words of encouragement and kindness, a smile across my lips, and joyful laughter that comes forth easily.

I want a joy makeover.

No Maintenance Required

My thumb hasn't been very green this year...I've barely managed to maintain my yard, which means I haven't spent much time on the flowers this year.

But thankfully, God created perennials for fickle gardeners like me, and I still am able to enjoy wonderful bursts of color in my yard even though I have done nothing.

After hibernating all summer, my mums have opened forth with their beautiful cheery yellow and you just can't help but smile when you look at them.

There's not much in life that doesn't require some kind of maintenance at the least, and more importantly, some TLC. This morning, my mums reminded me that even when I am neglectful, God is still out there doing His thing. Always faithful.

Be Still

I don't think I'll normally blog twice in one day, but since I'm doing this for me, and not really for anyone else, I guess there are no rules and I can do what I feel like.

When downloading some pics today off of my camera, I came across this picture that I had forgotten I had taken this spring. If you look real closely through the branches, you will see a bird sitting on the eggs in her nest. She made her home in my redbud tree, and she was a beautiful bird.You can't zoom in like I was able to, but you can make out the shape of her tail and her head. She stoically and faithfully sat on that nest day in and day out.

Many people would not find this very significant at all...I mean that's what mama birds do, right?

But this bird became a symbol for me this spring.

Spring weather can be brutal....it's warm one day, freezing the next. Storms come through this area very frequently during springtime. The wind can gust quite often.

This bird NEVER left her nest...she was so steadfast and dedicated to protecting her eggs. Now I'm sure at some times during the day, she would have to leave and get food for herself. I never saw it happen, but I'm sure it did. I do feel certain, however, that she was never far from the nest, and probably dined on her seeds or bugs with one eye on that nest at all times.

The reason this bird and her nest became so symbolic to me is that I, too, was going through a season of change. My life became very stormy....the wind would blow so hard, I felt as if my entire family were going to blow away. I questioned God, I questioned myself. Even when I didn't have answers...I could hear (or feel) God's voice telling me to "Be Still". I felt as if He were telling me on a daily basis that I was to trust....to remain steadfast...to protect my nest, and that He would be there for me.

Everything about the bird became symbolic. The branches that gave her cover and refuge symbolized the refuge that prayer gave me. When I turned to God, I felt as if He were wrapping His arms around and keeping me safe.

The sturdiness of her nest became symbolic of the sturdiness of my family. Sure, we were being tossed around by a storm....unsure of what was going to happen next. But I had to trust and believe that we had built a strong and sturdy home...and that in the end, we would be sheltered from the devastation of life's storms. We WOULD go through storms....we all do. And we might experience some loss, but God would be faithful to carry us through the storm.

The ever-changing weather became symbolic of our ever-changing world during that time. There were new emotions, challenges, trials....that seemed like a daily occurence. I was so weary....there were so many times I wanted to give up....but I would look out my window at that bird....sitting....on her nest. The tree might be bending with the wind, but there she sat. She might get soaked in a storm, but there she sat. There were days when the winds would calm and the sun would shine on her....and there she sat. Patiently. Dutifully. Never flinching. She knew what her task was, and she stuck to it.

During this time in my life, I knew that my task was to keep my focus on God. I had alot of issues that I needed to work on...issues that had been buried deep inside, and that were brought to the surface in an abrupt and painful way. I had the task of confronting my insecurities, weaknesses and fears...and I could either let the storm blow me off course, or I could remain steadfast.

I'm not sure where Mama Bird got her perserverance from...but I know where mine came from. It was my Father....pure and simple. He wrapped me up in His love and daily reminded me to just "Be Still". To wait. To allow Him to transform me. To trust. To have faith. To be diligent. To do whatever task He lay before me and to not waiver.

It wasn't easy...it still isn't. But just as Mama Bird got through her task of protecting her eggs, and gave birth to new life, God helped me stay on my task. And I feel as if I was given new life.

I still stumble, I still lose my focus, I still have troubles with insecurities and failures. Amazingly, however, God has this incredible way of bringing me back to Him and back to focusing on the task at hand.

At the present, my focus is firstly on Him and working on myself. I am to continue being diligent and steadfast...and I am to be like Mama Bird was all spring....to just Be Still and Trust.

Reflections

We've had some very beautiful fall days here lately. Which for me, of course, means more time in my hammock.

I find that I am able to "clear my head" when I am outside, and better able to reflect on my own thoughts and feelings.

Yesterday at church, Pastor John gave me some food for thought. He said that we should have each of the following three in our life:

A "Paul" - someone who teaches us and mentors us.

A "Timothy" - someone we can teach.

A "Barnabas" - someone who is our encourager.

I've been mulling this over ever since yesterday's worship service. I have a "Paul" and a "Barnabas" in my life. I don't even know if they're aware of it.

My dear friend, Janie, would be my "Paul" right now. She had the wonderful vision a few years ago to start up a small group bible study and let me tell you, our group has definitely been a "God thing". We are a group of about 10 women, very diverse, from different stages and walks of life, different churches...and yet, we are so incredibly close. Our small group times are some of the most precious and valued times in my life. Janie has an incredible thirst for knowledge and spiritual growth, and she seems to keep her finger on the pulse of what our group needs and can grow from. She challenges me to think about my spiritual walk....she challenges me to not limit my viewpoint of God but to be willing to see Him "outside of the box" of my own upbringing, theology, etc.

My "Barnabas" is Vicki - what a precious, treasured friend she is! She is the biggest encourager in my life right now. She has this uncanny gift of knowing when I need encouraging, sometimes before I know it myself. We see each other almost daily, since we work in the same office. Our families are best friends....we have worshipped together. We are in small group together. We went to the same college. We have history. Sometimes it's just her mere presence in my life that is encouragement for me. I laugh with her like I laugh with no one else. There's probably many times that no one else would "get it"...understand why we are laughing. Sometimes I'll find a little "happy" on my desk at the office, or she'll bring something by the house. One of the unhappiest days of my life, she brought by a hamburger straight off her grill wrapped in foil. They had just eaten supper, and she had called me at a terrible time, heard the fear and hurt in my voice, and drove immediately over knowing that I had not taken time to eat that day. That simple gesture meant alot. This morning, she brought me a piece of homemade apple cake...what a wonderful way to start out a Monday. We talk, listen, laugh, cry, get silly, be serious, pray for each other and lift one another up. Yep, she's my Barnabas.

But I don't have a "Timothy" in my life right now. And that has given me pause. Something to reflect on and figure out what I need to do to correct that. For years, I worked in children's ministry, so I had many "Timothys" that I taught. I love teaching children, and it's something I felt called to do for a long time. But recently, God has had me "step back" so to speak, to do some soul searching, inner reflection, and healing within my own life. I have the feeling He is preparing me for something else. I guess my two daughters could be counted as "Timothys". God has given me the blessing and honor of being their mother and I am to teach them God's Word.

Which leads me to another thought....it is scary in a sense to have a Timothy in your life. If we make our lives open and transparent, if we allow people access into our world, then they all of us....the good, the bad and the ugly. The warts and all. They see the good days and the bad days. When I taught childrens Sunday School, in all honesty, the children probably only saw what I wanted them to see. It is fairly easy to put on my "Sunday best" and present the lesson I have prepared. It's a little harder when it's my own girls - who see me as I really am. Wow. Talk about a heavy responsiblity. When they look at me, they will see a Mom who has screwed up many times - reacted in ways I shouldn't, procrastinated on things I should've done sooner, yelled when maybe I should've listened first, but hopefully they will see a Mom who loves them with all of her heart, and hopefully they will see a woman who loves God with all of her heart, and who is taking this journey called "life" one day at a time, and learning to live in God's grace and mercy.

Maybe it's a good thing that they've seen the "real" me...the good, the bad, and the ugly. Maybe that will help them understand how awesome God is....that He loves us no matter what we do or say, how bad we might mess up. Because life can get pretty complicated. (which of course, makes me love the hammock even more....nothing complicated about lying in that!)

So...I guess my girls are my "Timothys" right now. Although maybe John's point was to have someone else besides our own kids as a Timothy. I guess I'm just now starting to realize that I need to ask God to open my eyes and show me people within my own world with whom I can be a part of their life. I'm not trying to say that I have answers and knowledge and all that.....on the contrary. I'm a seeker also....I'm a believer who is realizing that I need to seek God more than I have. He needs to be my heart's desire.

I hope this week that God opens my eyes to more Pauls, Timothys and Barnabas'. I hope that I see and listen when He speaks to me. I hope that I put aside my own selfishness or insecurities and will be willing to allow Him to use me in someone's life as a Paul, Timothy or Barnabas.

Here I am, Lord. Send me.

It's a Good Day

I woke up this morning very tired and moving in slow motion. We have had a wonderful weekend here at the Dougherty household - beautiful fall weather, precious family time, business with Lindsey's activities and enjoying Casie while she was home on fall break.

As a parent, there is something so deeply satisfying about having all of your chicks in the nest. I never quite understood that until our oldest, Casie, went away to college. I'm so proud of her and her accomplishments, and I wouldn't trade any of the wonderful education experience she is getting to have her back home. She is where she needs to be and doing what she needs to be doing. But on those wonderful occasions when she is home and I can gaze across the table and see both of my girls, I feel so happy inside.

Andy and I helped Lindsey host her annual Halloween party last night. We had an awesome group of 6th graders over, and it is always a pleasure to have our girls' friends in our home. Andy made a fire in the fire pit, and the girls roasted hot dogs and marshmallows outside and afterwards we bobbed for apples. Good, old fashioned fun....you can't beat it. They had amazing costumes and the sound of laughter could be heard all throughout our yard and our home. Our dogs even got into the festivities - playing with the girls and stealing anyone's hot dog that wasn't paying attention. (Thank goodness I had plenty)

As I reflect on the weekend, I am reminded again of how much I have to be thankful for. I am thankful for Andy - I appreciate the husband and father that he is. I love the fact that he is so handy that he can handle ANY kind of crisis I run into on days we are entertaining. Something gets broken, doesn't work, doesn't look right, or I've misplaced something I need. Give him a paperclip, rubberbands, nails, glue, etc - and he's like McGyver. He can fix and rig up anything I ask. He amazes me.

I am thankful for Casie. She's a very giving and unselfish young woman. Whatever group she is involved in - church groups, civic groups, school groups, etc.....she will give them her best effort. She arrived home this weekend after an incredibly busy 2 weeks at UCA - homecoming activities, Sigma activities, midterms, etc. She came through the door exhausted but with a smile on her face. Our relationship is evolving...we are mother and daughter, but as she grows into womanhood, our conversations change and I see other sides to her. It's hard to believe she'll be 21 in December. She's still so young....and yet, I see her growing everyday.

I am thankful for Lindsey - her laughter and sense of humor keep me in stitches. She is quick-witted and an absolute delight to be around. As she gets more involved in activities this year such as beginning band, youth group, and a civic group - I see her compassion for others. She's always been the one who wants to make sure all people are included. Our relationship is changing as well. Instead of driving her to younger children's activities, I just came back from dropping off her and friend for youth group at FPC.

Where does the time go???? I blinked, and my girls kept growing. I blinked and I had grown older. I blinked and realized I had missed opportunities I thought would always be around. I blinked and realized I missed someone's birthday or anniversary. I blinked and a whole week has gone by without me exercising or eating like I should. I blinked and the front door still doesn't have a fresh coat of paint. I blinked and the book on my nightstand is still untouched.

I blinked and Sunday is almost over.

I've realized that I need to make the most of each day that I am given. It's a realization that I have known for years now, but I don't always act on it. I want to live out this realization. I want to wake up eager for the new day. I want to look at the world and those around me through God's eyes, and love as He loves. I want to embrace Andy and the girls. I want to laugh and cry with my friends. I want lay my head on the pillow each night and thank God for the blessings and opportunities of the day.

Feeling Chaos, Wanting Peace

Saturday morning...and the sun is about to rise. I've opened the window here in the den where I can see the beautiful early morning sky. I usually feel peaceful this time of day....but peace is eluding me this morning.

I have a problem with focus....I tend to get distracted, I procrastinate, and I end up unorganized. I have the sort of personality where I sometimes will sit and think for what seems like FOREVER on a situation, or the tasks before me, instead of just acting. You can think yourself into a funk, that's for sure. I've done it many times.

I've been in a funk the last few days. I've been worrying about things that I'm not sure I need to worry about. Let me take that back, I KNOW I shouldn't worry about them. I should give them over to God. I should do what I know is best...lay those thoughts and feelings and worries at His feet and let Him guide me. Why do we (I) struggle with doing what I know is right?

So, as I sit here this morning, I have alone time. Which I love. As much as I adore my family, and I do...(I mean, what's not to adore???) I am a better person when I wake up before everyone else and spend time alone with God. I don't always do it, but when I do, I seem to have much better focus on the day before me. Anyway...here I sit. Linds has spent the night with a friend so she is over there, Andy is still at the fire department (soon to come) and Casie is in bed, naturally. (Casie and sunrises have never really met). Instead of enjoying the sunrise as I normally do, I'm sitting and stewing over what needs to be done. I'm worrying over relationships and situations. I'm browbeating myself for not being more organized. In other words, I'm sabotaging my own morning. WHY?

I opened up a devotional book that I just love. It's written by Kristin Armstrong, it's and it's titled Strength for the Climb. It's a book that has helped me alot this year. I turned to this morning's devotion, and it hit the nail on the head for me. She talks about "No Substitutes", and the message is that God's peace is most evident when everything is falling down around us. How true that is! I've had a year where everything has fallen down around me. The rug yanked out from underneath me. And the more chaotic and messed up my life got, the more focused I became. She says that God's peace in a time of chaos can give us more clarity than in normal times. This has been the case in my own life more than once. The more unsteady my life gets during these times, the more I realize how steady God is. Kristin also talks about how this is not something we can manage, manipulate, force or steal. We can't will it or think it into being. It's not something WE do in other words. It is what it is. It's God. All I have to do is recognize it. The verse she uses for today is one of my faves..."The peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7

I need to take my coffee, go outside and just recognize God. I need to allow His peace to fall on me. I know it is there. I've felt it. I've lived in it. When I fail to recognize it, that is when my insecurities and my weaknesses take over. I've had a week of failing to recognize God's peace. And all it has brought to me is a paralysis of sorts. When I worry, I tend to become paralyzed. I become paralyzed emotionally because fear takes over. I become paralyzed in a practical sense, because as an unorganized person and a lifelong procrastinator, I don't focus on the tasks at hand. I let them overwhelm me. I've had that sort of week also.

So I'm going to take a moment, take a deep breath and simply acknowledge. I'll acknowledge God for who He is. I'll let Him wrap me in His arms, and know that His peace will come on me. I'll have a better day than what I thought I was going to have, because I will let go of my own control. (which ironically leads me down a path of NO control).

Here I am Lord....

Rainy Days

Things To Do on a Rainy Day:

Watch old movies.

Watch new movies.

Listen to some good jazz music.

Bake.

Cook something yummy in the crockpot.

Write letters (yep, good ol' snail mail) to someone you miss.

Read that novel you've been wanting to read.

Enjoy a mug of flavored coffee , hot tea or cocoa.

Wrap up in a blanket and enjoy a nap.

Pop some popcorn.

Have everyone "pile up" on your bed - spouse, kids, dogs - and just talk and laugh.

Play a board game like Scrabble or Pictionary, or one of our latest favorites, Apples to Apples.

Unfortunately, I'm working at the office today, so most of these activities aren't on my agenda. I'm a little jealous because Andy is off duty today, and is home with our oldest daughter, Casie, who is on college fall break. I'm sure Linds is envious as well, as she is sitting in a classroom right now taking a 9 weeks test.

But I will try to do some of those things when I get home. We've decided to go eat at one of our favorite places in Memphis - Huey's. Wonderful burgers and wonderful bacon/cheese fries. One of the best things about Huey's is that they give you a jar full of toothpicks and you shoot them to the ceiling through your straws. We always have a good time doing that and seeing how many we can get to stick in the ceiling tiles. After that, we're costume shopping for Saturday's Halloween party at our house. Lindsey is hosting a great group of girls for an evening of food and games.

We should be home early enough to bake a batch of cookies or brownies, enjoy a warm beverage and play a board game. An old movie might be substituted for a night of baseball playoffs, as we are baseball fans at our house. I will wind down with a nice hot bath, some jazz music and a mystery novel. Before the night is over, I'm sure everyone will end up on our bed and we'll laugh hysterically at funny stories or the funny behavior between our lab and our jack russell. At least I hope so. So many of my favorite times are the times that we are all piled up together....I just look at everyone around me and smile....I feel so happy and full of love. And I will thank God for giving me such a wonderful family, and for filling our home with love and laughter. I will thank Him for the rainy days, and for the chance they give us to slow down and relax. I will thank Him for reminding me that He washes my soul just as the rain washes the earth. I will thank Him for being my refuge when there is a storm. And just as I will thank Him for the sunshine that we are supposed to have tomorrow, I will thank Him for the sunshine that I always see after He has seen me through one of the many storms of life.

Whether your day is rainy or sunny, make the most of it. Enjoy. Love. And thank God.

Why Life in a Hammock?

This is the first day of my "blogging experiment". I have no idea how this will bode for me...or the reason why I'm giving it a shot. But blogging has always interested me somewhat, and I've discovered this year that my life is a continual journey, so putting my thoughts and feelings out there may just be helpful to me.

So, why the title "Life in a Hammock"? Well, I've spent alot of time in our family hammock this year. It's been a very rough and challenging year for me....and I first began going to the hammock out of necessity for some "alone time". If you are a parent, you probably will understand the need for that. The hammock was my retreat...a place that I could cry freely without concerned eyes staring at me and trying to figure out what was up with Mom.

Pretty soon, the hammock became the first thing I would do upon coming home from the office. Well, to be honest, I would change out of office clothes into comfy clothes, make a glass of iced tea, and then I'd be lying in the hammock before you knew it, staring at the beautiful blue sky.

God and I had wonderful talks in the hammock. My prayer time became very personal and full of intensity out in the hammock. For me, there is something wondrous about being outside in God's creation when I pray. I talk easier to Him outdoors than I do anywhere else.

The hammock became my place to read. I read my bible, inspirational books, novels, magazines and cookbooks while lying outside.

After a few weeks, both of my girls began to show interest in the hammock. One at a time, or sometimes both together, they would gravitate outside to where I was and before I knew it, my tranquility and "alone time" would be over. But amazingly, I never felt a grumble in my heart. You see, we were going through a painful time summer, and we needed each other like never before. The hammock became a place of conversation...sometimes silly, sometimes serious. We laughed alot in the hammock. Secrets and feelings were shared. Sometimes we just cuddled and would swing back and forth.

People began to catch onto the fact that my "hammock time" was precious, but no one understood this more than my best friend. She'd call sometimes and ask "Are you in the hammock? I don't want to disturb you". I can't think of a time that I didn't either need or enjoy her phone call, but she's just the type of "real" friend to whom I could've said "Let me call you back" and she would've understood perfectly.

And oh yeah...I forgot to mention the dogs. Cocoa, our loveable lab, and Flash, our active jack russell, both enjoyed laying on the ground right next to the hammock, hoping we'd pick up a ball or frisbee to play with them.

I'm going to enjoy as much of the hammock as I can during these glorious fall days, before we have to put it up for the winter. If I could bring the hammock inside, I would. But something tells me it wouldn't be the same.

But I love my life in a hammock. And my time in my hammock has taught me to enjoy my life no matter where I am.