It seems as if I'm becoming a lazy blogger these days, but it's not intentional. I love this time of year, and like everyone, my life just becomes busier and busier. Working in accounting at a law firm, one of my busiest times of year is the end of the year. So when I walk through the door a little after 5 pm, I'm already feeling wiped out. And simply because it's December, there are all sorts of seasonal activities and tasks to be done.
Before I sound like I'm complaining, I'm not. I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR. Seriously, I love it. I love it all...the decorating, the gift buying, the cooking and baking, the parades, the concerts, the church plays and music, the Christmas music everywhere, Christmas movies on tv, the anticipation of getting together with extended family, and the anticipation of the actual day itself.
In addition to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I find myself in quite a more emotional state than I had been in October and November. While I still feel a peace about my new stage in life, I find myself very sentimental and reminiscent lately of Christmases past, and I feel both of our daughters are going through this also. I'm trying to keep our family traditions that are the most meaningful the same, so there is continuity. Both Casie and Lindsey enjoy that immensely. But I'm also trying to come up with new traditions, activities, etc now that our lives are different than they were previously. It's a hard balance to find. Couple that (the sentiment) with the hormones of my late 40s, and I seem extra weepy as of late. I have a couple of other girlfriends who are admitted "cry-ers" as I am, and we have joked that ever since our mid 40s, it isn't a normal day if we haven't had at least one good cry. The last couple of weeks, I've done more than that. And I never know when they will come...sometimes they are happy tears, sometimes they are sad tears, sometimes they are frustrated tears, sometimes they are just sentimental tears. But boy....do they come! Just today, my good friend Vicki and I shared a cry (well, a couple actually) over a gift and the words sent to her by another friend encouraging her before her 3rd chemo treatment tomorrow.
Think I'm through?? Not yet! In addition to the hustle and bustle of the season, the roller coaster of emotions, I also feel as if I'm entering a new season of "reflection and teaching" by the Lord. I'm feeling like a mirror is being held up to my soul, and while I see things I like, there are still those dark hidden corners that need to be opened up and cleaned out. So I'm learning alot about Tracy right now....and not necessarily anything I'm ready to put into the written word just yet.
December is flying by quickly..sometimes I want the pace to change so that I can savor it a little more slowly. I'm trying to squeeze every bit of savoring out of it that I can. All in all, even with the extra tears, December is a good month. I'm blessed beyond measure, and life is good. Difficult some of the time...but very, very good.
