It's the Saturday morning after Thanksgiving, and I'm snuggled under a warm throw on the loveseat in our living room...looking at the lit Christmas tree, beautifully decorated, feet warmed by one of the dogs curled on top of them, enjoying the quiet and peace of my favorite time of day.
I've had a hard time blogging lately...wondering if any of my blogging friends ever go through this. Life continues, events continue, emotions continue...sometimes words just don't come easily to me when I sit to write.
I'm still adjusting to the "single life". It is an odd reality at times. It's hard to switch off thinking as a married person, to thinking as a single person. They say it takes only 3 weeks for a habit to form, so I guess I should cut myself some slack, as I was married for 23 years. Still...I'm wondering when it will not feel so weird to me.
Wednesday was full of anticipation....Lindsey was home from school, I was able to leave the office early to begin the Thanksgiving prep, and Casie was heading home. Our evening was full of laughter and silliness as we finally were all together and enjoying a casual supper of finger foods.
Thursday was a day that began with me slinging pots and pans in the kitchen, scurrying around, working hard and frantically to get it all together. Now I must say that even though I might look like a mess when I am cooking a big holiday meal, and even though my kitchen may look like a mess, I am one of my happiest times when I am preparing a meal like this. By the time we sat down to eat, I wasn't that hungry (I seldom am when I cook like that), but I looked around our table, and was so thankful for my 2 beautiful daughters and the joy that they bring me. We enjoyed our meal, and gradually, all 3 of us fell asleep in the living room...one on the loveseat, one on the couch, one in the easy chair....and all 3 dogs fell asleep as well. When I woke up, I couldn't help but laugh at the sight. We pulled down the tree from the attic and began to decorate later that evening.
Friday was the day that threw me...even though I was prepared emotionally. The girls were heading to Little Rock to see their paternal grandparents and spend the day with their Dad, who was there also. This was a good thing...one that I wanted to happen. It's just that I miss those two precious people, and I miss being a part of that. So as they got into Casie's car to travel to their grandparents, I decided to face the Black Friday crowds (something I don't necessarily enjoy) but I knew that I just needed to go do something and not stay home all day. I went to a store that I enjoy more than the girls do, I browsed, took my time, picked up a few gifts, and treated myself to a coffee and simply enjoyed the time alone. I'm learning from some wise women who have traveled this path ahead of me and who are wonderful about giving me tips on how to cope with some of the alone time.
Today, we have plans to go out shopping and enjoy a lunch together. Razorback football is on later today, and while I may have to listen to part of it on the radio (my girls aren't quite as football crazy as I am), I am happy to be spending the day with them. My house is a mess at the moment...kinda driving me crazy, kinda making me smile. Christmas boxes are everywhere...the tree was put up as I mentioned earlier...but we have the mantle, the entry way, the Snow Village and many other things to put out. The fall decorations have been taken down, and those boxes are waiting to go up into the attic. I'm ready for all the decorating to be done and boxes put away, but I'm learning more to enjoy the moment and not stress over the open box of garland and tissue wrapped ornaments taking up space on my couch. It's all getting done...and we're all doing it together. That's the most important thing.
So as I reflect halfway through this Thanksgiving weekend...I am thankful for my Savior, and how He continues to heal my wounded heart, and has brought a deep joy and peace into my life. I am thankful for my two beautiful daughters....they are beautiful inside and out. I am thankful for my extended family - those crazy, loving and supportive people....from my parents, to my grandmother, to my sister and brother and their families, to a wonderful crazy aunt....I am grateful for their presence in my life. I am thankful for the inlaws that I was blessed to be a part of their family for so long, and their influence in my life....I'm thankful that my girls will continue to be a part of that wonderful family. I am thankful for my friends....I am blessed to have some of the most loving people in my life....here in my town, a couple of hours away, some even a few states away....whether they support me in person, phone calls, blogging, emails or facebook....I am blessed to have such a wonderful network of loving people. I am thankful for the wonderful doctors that are treating my friend Vicki, as she battles cancer, and is WINNING. I am thankful for the job I have...with a boss and a team that value family and each other. I couldn't work for a greater person and with a greater group of people. I am thankful for my home....it's a tad run down, and needs many things done to it...but it's a warm and cozy home...and many memories have been made here and will continue to be made here. And I'm thankful for the trials in my life, because they have taught me to grow as a person, and they have helped me see that God is ever faithful in my life.
So....I'm going to stop writing for now (this has grown quite lengthy). I'm going to enjoy the solitude a tad bit longer, linger over a hot cup of coffee, look at my lit Christmas tree and the unpacked boxes left. I'll make a list of what needs to be done today, knowing we probably won't get to it all...but we WILL enjoy one another...we will laugh alot, probably argue a little, we will sing Christmas songs (loud and proud...maybe not so well) as we travel from store to store...we will eat a lunch together and whisper about Christmas secrets. We will come back home and finish watching the football game, and then pull out the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers. At the end of the day...I will be looking at them in my living room...and smiling at the richness of love in my life. And I will be reminded that although being single is odd for me...that I am still a blessed woman indeed.
